Taking someone else’s baby name

[mondray]

So hear me out here.

I’m due to give birth to my third boy in about 4 days. We’ve been struggling with boys names and really stuck up until I spoke to a mum from school.
She’s had a baby a couple of months ago and mentioned what she named him.
Now I knew immediately if I said this name to my husband it will be a done deal, as it’s the same name as his favourite tv-character. And that’s exactly what happened.

Now the boys will be in the same year mostly likely when they get older. The name isn’t unusual, but also isn’t super common.

Also to mention apart from this one conversation I’ve had with her, we’ve not spoken since. So don’t really know her and we’re not friend.

I feel really guilty, but love the name.
What’s everyone’s opinions?

Should we find another name? Even though we’ve struggled the whole pregnancy to find we both agree on?

Should we stick to it and apologies for stealing it? Might be a bit awkward, as mentioned previously we’ve only had that one conversation.

Any help would be amazing.

Do not ask or warn!

As they say it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission and you don’t even need either!

I thought of the actor in Neighbours and House.

Not sure I've come across a Jesse in real life.

Is your last name James! If you were over 60, you would realise it's an insult, meaning a cowardly person.

When I was at school there were 6 Laurens and about 8 Christopher's, it's really a non-issue. DD has 5 children in her year with the same name as her but different spellings it's not uncommon.

You're overthinking it. I've been in the same situation. Pregnant with a boy so we 'banked' the girls name for the future. A colleague had liked it so much that a year later, when we were in different departments, she had a baby girl and named it that banked girls name.

We still used the girls name for pregnancy no3 and, having boy girl twins, found a boys name we liked.

Imagine our amusement when we bumped into each other a while later. Me with toddler twins, her with same name daughter and a newborn. Who shared the same name as our twin son.

Her son and daughter had by pure coincidence the same names as our twins. We laughed, caught up with each other and went on with our lives.

There will always be someone somewhere in your child's life who has the same or a similar name. Unless you saddle your child with a completely made up name, it's unlikely they'll ever be unique so use the name that is loved. Especially when you can connect it to something else you/dh enjoys.

It's totally fine. No one owns a name and it's completely normal for there to be multiple kids with the same names in any school class. In my DCs class of 30 there were only 20 different names because of duplications - some of which their mums must have thought were unusual when their baby was born but they were part of a surge in popularity for that name.

Hahaha. Great show and great name! @mondray If you love the name then use it. Nobody owns a name and it's hardly the name a close friend or sibling has used.

Good luck with the birth!

It's fine.

If you were over 60, you would realise it's an insult, meaning a cowardly person.

Even under 60, the big Jesse is an insult

My son was in a year group of around 45 children. There were three people with his name, and two girls with the same uncommon name. Don’t worry about it.

Sunnyflow, according to the dictionary it means an effeminate cowardly boy or man. Would you want to lump that on your son. I do know a woman called Jesse

The rather dated and mild insult is 'big Jessie'. Jesse is a much older name than that. I assume Jessie comes from calling a man by a girl's name because he has done something 'soft'. We're past that now and I haven't heard it in years, plus only ever humourously. I don't think It's a big thing.

Honestly usually I’d say if your not friends it’s fine HOWEVER I had the same exchange but reversed, so,

a mum at the school I never ever speak to came over when I had given birth to my son as everyone does. Asked his name, I told her…. She said how lovely it was and how you don’t hear nowadays (family name)…Fast forward a couple of months….she has her new baby, so I approach with all the usual niceties and another mum asked the name! she literally stared at me shell shocked and said my sons name!! She knew it was weird you could tell from the look on her face.

what’s more is I’m extremely laid back and I can’t stress this enough I really thought this wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, but admittedly it really did annoy me and everyone who I’ve mentioned it to has been gobsmacked.

so I suppose it depends if you think your likely to engage with her when baby is here as people love to have a nose at new bundle of joy, then she well have the same feelings as I did

My sisters best friend named her son the same as mine. It's really no big deal. Unless it's super unusual you will always have someone with the same name. Go for it, I'm sure she won't be bothered.

What’s to feel guilty about? Genuinely confused about this. It’s not stealing a name. Otherwise everyone everywhere has stollen their baby names from someone else. Who cares?
it’s different if it’s a family member, but it’s not and you barely even know her. It has literally no baring on hers or her sons life if your son happens to have the same name

Definitely use the name; you're overthinking this. My friend rang me shortly after she'd given birth to ask if I minded if she used my son's name for her new baby. Of course I didn't mind, and it's never been an issue.

Stop worrying about it and do it if thats whst you want. A lot can happen before they go to school.

One of my sons has a very unusual name- it's given to around 7 boys in the UK each year. In Y3 there was another boy with the same name in his class - these things can happen no matter which name you choose.

Use it. I thought when I saw the title it was your sister's baby's name, which would cause more than one raised eyebrow, but a random acquaintance you know through the school run? Nah, no problem.

I only watched the pilot of BB and wasn't interested. I thought your husbands favourite tv character was Jesse James, who I have vague memories of from my childhood. I wanna say he was a cowboy, as my dad loved Westerns. Or I'm sure the current love interest of Gail Platt in Corrie is called Jesse. I bet his mum named him after Jesse James!

Eta....I've just googled Jesse James. He was a real life cowboy, not a fictional one.

It is not possible to steal a name! You are not taking it from the other child; it's still his name!

Go with Jesse. Good luck for Tuesday!

Don't over think it!
You like Jesse, name your child Jesse and don't worry about it.

No one owns a name.

My mum named me first name, middle name the same as someone they knew. She phoned the person and asked them and they were lovely and said don't worry they won't cross paths. Fast forward to secondary school and we sat next to each other. We thought it was lovely.

Maybe if you see her again you could approach her and let her know that you had chosen a name but just weren't telling anyone as you know peoples reactions to names before the baby arrives can be scathing so didn't say it aloud then mention it's the same name.

If you're adamant that's the only name you like then fair enough, but I really disliked being one of many with the same name in a class and school year. And as a parent now I'm always having to work out which Sophie or Oliver is being referred to. Choosing a name you know is generic or already overly used loses some identity immediately.

She's just another mum from school who you see sometimes, not actually a friend or family member. Of course you can use the name.

In a few years time she will have no bearing whatsoever on your life, but your child will have this name for 80+ years! - That's much more important.