Someone talk me out of it...?

[deliwoman1]

I'm this close to messaging a bloke I had a brief fling with over a decade ago to ask if he'd mind if I gave my son the same name as him. 😬 I guess this would put us both in an awkward situation...

The reason I'm thinking of doing it is because it's an uncommon name, and me and this old fling still run in similar circles and have mutual friends. So I think me and DP can't just go ahead and say sod it (he thinks we can!). We truly love the name and think it's perfect with DD's and our odd long surname. I'd forgotten about it until someone suggested it on MN! DP doesn't give a monkeys about the association, but I'm wary of awkwardness and weirdness. Still, I've trawled this chat, and baby name sites, and nothing else comes close...

Message the bloke and risk looking like a nutter, or keep hunting...?

Maybe this is all hormonal! DS will be our last child and we're having such a HARD TIME naming him. I'm lukewarm at best on everything we have shortlisted. To make matters worse we know millions of little boys, and had the perfect name picked out if he'd been a she!

Tarn? Said like 'barn"?
Like Tarnished?

Not the whole name of the Tarn with the Tarn. Just the Tarn's name as an alternative to Tarn. Just suggesting because OP says she's already looked at every other actual name and can't find an alternative to Tarn. So suggesting something different to already established names.

OP, with kindness, you and your child are not that important that anyone is going to care about the name.

Call your kid what you want to

If you’re really set on Tarn, and you get questioned about it by anyone, just say your dh suggested it. If they then say ‘oh, but didn’t you once…?’ just say it was a long time ago, you told him, he’s not bothered and you both love the name. That should cover all bases!

I think it's one of those unicorn names: uncommon but not outlandish

It's Tarn

Those two sentences do not align :D

My geography teacher's daughter was called Tarn. I've never met another one (well, I never met that one either, but you know what I mean), so I think of it as a slightly wacky girl's name.

Tarn is a good name I think so just go with it.

My name is a name that isn't weird, is a 'real' name yet isn't very common even though as an adult I still get positive comments on it.

If an ex contacted me to say they were going to use it for DD I'd think that was very weird. Even if it was going to get back to me and I could prob put 2+2 together I would think it weirder to tell me, like my opinion mattered in the slightest.

What would you do if the ex says no, I don't want you to use it?

Don’t use it, it’s Tarnished by the ex. Chuckle.

Honestly, it’s a bit shit.

'No exes' was pretty much the only rule DH and I had when we started making lists of baby names.

But if your DP is fine with it, go for it I suppose?

I don't think you are enjoying the thought of your DS having this name so I don't think you should use it.

Life is too short to care what other people think.

Just name your child the name you want to. Especially as you DP knows and doesn’t care.

You are overthinking this.

Talk you out of it? Ok. Tarn is not a name, despite someone you know having been called it. It is a mountain lake. If you're going to insist on not calling your kid an actual name - because there are none you like...really, none? - at least make it something better than Tarn fgs!!

Tarn also sounds terrible in many, many accents. And people will constantly ask you to clarify that it is indeed what you have called your kid. Or is that the kind of attention you're deliberately seeking out?

Don't contact him, use it if you like it, if anyone asks if it is because of ex say no and that actually it was DP's choice

Don't contact him, that would be weird.

Just call your baby Tarn if you want but if you're after other ideas then how about Tāne? In Maori mythology, he was the God of forests and birds.

My DS has a couple of mates called Tāne and I've always really liked it.

Just showed DP the thread. He's never been on Mumsnet before so he was shocked at some of the more brutal posts! 😂

But @yikesanotherbooboo you may have nailed it. I truly love the name but not the prospect of using it, so it's not perfect after all. Sigh. Back to the drawing board!

Thanks to everyone who suggested alternatives!

How about Tarquin?

I taught a Tarn but she was female. I dont think it’s a problem to name your child that if you both like it. Calling your ex to tell him would be pretty weird though.

If I’m being honest my first thought was you must want an excuse to get back in touch with the ex! 😬 It honestly would not cross my mind to message a former fling about something like this unless I was looking for an opening! 😂

In all seriousness though, is it mainly unusual, nature type names you like? Or do you have any others that you were drawn to but took off the list for whatever reason? Just to get an idea of what you might like.

Steady on, nothing wrong with Jimberly.

Some other nature inspired alternatives / suggestions..

Cliff / cliffe
Clay
Rowan
Ronan
Beckett
Wesley
Silas
Alder

👏 👏 👏 👏

I wouldn't worry about the guy, but I'm not that keen on the name.

What about Torrin?

Or Struan?

Or Lorne?

Blake?

Callum?

What?

You mean call her child Blea Tarn? Locker Tarn?

Why?

Tarn isn't a first name though is it? So not surprising you only know one. Tarquin is a thousand times worse though so there is that. Taryn is a lovely Welsh name that is close though.

@hazandduck oh god no! I did wonder if it would seem that way too. We're technically still in touch is why I thought of doing it! Just the odd social media comment now and then, and as I mentioned, we have mutual friends who I speak to fairly often. No, very happily settled with DP, thank heavens. Hence the second baby!

We do like nature-type names but we're not after something wacky, just uncommon. I wouldn't say we're 'hippies' or especially bohemian.

@Firsttimebabymummy thanks! We can't use three of those names due to friends/relatives kids but something along those lines. As DS will have two surnames, we were also trying to steer clear of names that are also surnames/surname-like.

@plainjayne8282 Lorne was on the shortlist! I just couldn't get past 'lawn.'

I think the PP was suggesting I name him after a specific tarn, so Blea, Locker, Eshton, etc.