Someone talk me out of it...?

[deliwoman1]

I'm this close to messaging a bloke I had a brief fling with over a decade ago to ask if he'd mind if I gave my son the same name as him. 😬 I guess this would put us both in an awkward situation...

The reason I'm thinking of doing it is because it's an uncommon name, and me and this old fling still run in similar circles and have mutual friends. So I think me and DP can't just go ahead and say sod it (he thinks we can!). We truly love the name and think it's perfect with DD's and our odd long surname. I'd forgotten about it until someone suggested it on MN! DP doesn't give a monkeys about the association, but I'm wary of awkwardness and weirdness. Still, I've trawled this chat, and baby name sites, and nothing else comes close...

Message the bloke and risk looking like a nutter, or keep hunting...?

Maybe this is all hormonal! DS will be our last child and we're having such a HARD TIME naming him. I'm lukewarm at best on everything we have shortlisted. To make matters worse we know millions of little boys, and had the perfect name picked out if he'd been a she!

How about Taran instead? Close but not the same.

Anyone of my vintage (early 50s) will know the word - corrie lakes, tarns and cwms - from their early secondary school geography lessons. Good as a word, less good as a name.

Tarn is a perfectly fine name.

This guy doesn't literally own that name. Call your child what you like, I say.

The only weird thing would be contacting him, that’s mad. Don’t do that!

Use the name but say you saw it in mumsnet. Or it came to you in a dream, or a baby name book ir a film. Don’t call him!!

Unless you plan on calling all Tarns.

My brother's nephew is Tarn. It's certainly unusual enough that it might raise an eyebrow when people assume you've named your son after your ex.

But that will happen whether you ask him or not. What if you ask him and he begs you not to use it?

I think it’s a lovely name and you don’t need his permission.

But I’m mostly posting to say thank you for telling us the name instead of these clouded in mystery threads that are impossible to judge one way or the other.

Please don't call your baby Tarn.

I really like it!

I think you'd be better choosing a different name. I had a best mate that I lost contact with about 15 years ago and I saw on Facebook she had named her first child my name (which is fairly unusual). I didn't take it to mean anything other than she liked the name but other people have commented on it being "weird" or having a "deeper meaning". So yeah...you might get a bit of gossip about it.

You said it much nicer than I could have

I would usually just say go for it but I've never heard that name before and I've worked with children for over 30 years, so I'd probably think it's a bit weird that it's the same name as an ex. I suppose it might depend on how brief the relationship/fling was?

I hear Tarn and I can only think of this

Given the back story people, including your ex, will obviously think it's connected with him. Do you want to saddle your son with that? Well obviously you do.

Never heard of it as a name so I can't think there are very many around. As above, in over 30 years of teaching I've come across unusual names aplenty but not Tarn. I'd go for a different one.

Oh I quite like that!

I did start singing 'Nothing's fine I'm Tarn!' though (the Natalie Imbruglia song) but that's probably just me 😆

No don't contact him OP, I think that'd be weirder than just using it!

Why not though? It's just a name inspired by nature, no different to Rose or Dawn or Heather. More recently we've had Ocean, Forest, Bay, River, Summer, Luna and Sky, so why not Tarn? Why are we perfectly okay with girls being called April or May or June, but have a fit of the vapours if someone says they are going to call their baby October or July?

All names are made up to an extent and they are all unheard of until suddenly they are not. Most names are inspired by something or other so does it really matter what, so long as it's nothing unpleasant?

Name trends don't stay static forever, otherwise we'd all be called John and Margaret.

Oh you beat me to it, me too 🤣

You don't need permission to use a name! The person didn't choose their own name did they?
Just use it. If anything the other guy with that name might take it as a compliment. Make it plain, in a light-hearted way that they're not named after him. If he gets too big headed about it.

Either do it or do not, it's the calling him to ask permission that makes it weird and it's that, rather than the him finding out down the line, which suggests a flame burning for an ex rather than the name itself.

My toes are curling at the thought, please don't call him to ask him if he minds. It's really weird.

One of my favourite places in the world in Tarn Hows. So beautiful. I'm not suggesting you call your child Hows (!) but could you look at some names of Tarns and see if any appeal to you.

I think Tarn is fine and I absolutely wouldn't contact your ex but I can see how it could cause weird/awkward moments in the future.

Birks Tarn
Cray Tarn
Eshton Tarn
Silver Tarn
Gibb Tarn
Blea Tarn
Locker Tarn

Those are possibly useable?

No, they're really not. Blea? These are not names. Help.

It so funny how I just don't hear Torn at all. I bloody hated that song when it came out too. 😂 My mouth does something different when I say those two words. It think it's my accent! And prob because I've used the word as a name so I've never not known how it's pronounced.

Thank you all for stopping me from sending him a message. I am very hormonal currently and also possibly delirious with a cold!

Think I'm going to have to pray for a name we like better to pop up! I'm sure I'll be sad to choose something we liked less at first, but then most kids' names just end up suiting them, eventually, don't they?

I think everyone knows what a tarn is? But I've never heard it used as a blokes name. Weirdly I quite like it. Though I'd have you down as raging hippies.

Didn’t you get enough responses telling you it was fine when you posted this about a week ago? Or are there more Tarns knocking about?

I hope you don't live in the E Midlands. 'You coming darn tarn, Tarn?'.

I've never heard the name, but I know what a tarn is. I think it's unusual enough to raise eyebrows if you're in any way still connected to the original Tarn.

Blea Tarn? Locker Tarn???

You can use it as a middle name?

Atticus Tarn?