Cousins with the same first name

[TA3]

Having our first baby, I have only one name and it happens to be the same name as my husbands brothers child, we never see them maybe once a year. Would you use the name?

I would give them a different second name though to ensure they can be distinguished if needs be.

Another one who wouldn’t care.
I have one cousin with my name. My parents have three grandchildren with the same name! Think Jack and Olivia type super popular names. It’s never been an issue.

But they'd only be called "something else" once a year or so when they happened to meet! This isn't a family that are always meeting up and hanging out.

I think you should have an honest conversation with DHs brother and wife, tell them you keep coming back to the name and ask them how they feel about it. Hopefully they'll be fine with it, I think it's absolutely fine! But you'd need to be prepared not to use it if they're really against it.

People have such a wide range of what they think is ok or not with names. My DC has a middle name that's important to my DHs family, this the same as my nephew's first name and apparently my DS is angry about it. I personally thought she'd take it as a compliment as middle names never get used and shows we think it's a nice name.

My other DS however would avoid using a name that has been used for my niece in my DHs side, because it would give my DC two cousins the same name. I think this is way over the top because the two kids with the same name would have virtually no cross over and they're from separate families.

What does your DH think? It's his family, he'll know the dynamics best.

@Wishlist99 I was thinking of that too! After a lengthy and expensive legal battle over a will in a different arm of the family, an aunt's will was very specific at her insistence. The house was left to her nephew William Jones, son of her eldest brother James. William of 123 Main Street, married to Sarah... Etc etc etc.

I'm just going to go against the grain here. I was given the same name as my first cousin and we lived next door! She is 10 years older so she is bigwho and I am littlewho. I quite liked it growing up tbh; it gave us our own little bond in a way. She now lives thousands of miles away so not an issue that comes up often.

I am usually pretty easygoing with name issues but no, I wouldn’t do this. With all the names in the world, opting to give two first cousins the same one is just daft.

I wouldn't. DH has two cousins in the family - let's call them Brunhilde.

They were always referred to by the whole family as Fat Brunhilde and Little Brunhilde.

Fat Brunhilde always looked pissed off at family gatherings.

I think people are weird about this. It used to be completely normal for cousins to have the same name. Between my four sets of cousins and my own dbs, all but one set had a John (though db got called by his middle name, but that had nothing to do with his cousins names at all). It didn't cause any problems.

Names run in twos in my family. Its only once a year that we all get together (if that). Plus my cousin i share name with is my bestie.

We all find it hilarious.

I've encountered it IRL more than once! I personally think it's fine.

I think a lot of people will think it's a bit strange, but since you only see them once a year I don't see how it really matters. I'd use it - maybe mention it to BIL first so he knows in advance

No. Your child will forever be referred to as ‘little …’ there are loads of names out there, allow your child to be an individual amongst family.

Will the cousins have the same first name and the same surname @TA3 ?

No, it's weird unless you're in a culture/area where names are reused a lot. And since you needed to ask, I'd assume you're not.

Even if you don't see the kid that often, their grandparents presumably do and it would be annoying to have two grandchildren with the same name

"Forever" as in once-a-year when they're kids and the families meet, probably never when they're adults and they only see their cousin very occasionally. Ffs, they're not living across the street!

Why should grandparents' possible mild annoyance be enough for you to not give your child the one name you love. It's people-pleasing gone mad!

They'll always be family events, Weddings, big anniversaries, funerals when people will be together.

Even back in the day when Christmas cards were a thing asking parents who's that "Oh that's Big Name, your Dads cousin"
I was about 40 before I eventually met Big Name, and he was nothing like I expected him to look like. He was actually smaller than Little Name!
Little Name must have been about 60.

Another way of kids with the same name being known is Bob's Billy and John's Billy.

It was different back in the day when multiple cousins were called after the same Grandpa, but they'd often take different nicknames so officially William, but Will, Willy, Billy, Liam etc.

They’d have the same surname though too? That is quite odd.

Your initial post said you see them once a year, your latest post said you wouldn’t recognise them if you saw them. They’re quite different scenarios.

They'll always be family events, Weddings, big anniversaries, funerals when people will be together

Yes, obviously there will be... but having your child's name dictated simply because some relative on these infrequent occasions will choose to add some moniker to differentiate between two relatively distant family members is bizarre... It's trying to fix the tiniest of tiny problems, whilst for 99.9%+ of their lives (and that's not an exaggeration) it won't make a blind bit of difference at all, and even in the 0.1% of the time it does, it's totally insignificant!

This situation would have happened to us if we'd had another boy. We had a girl instead so the issue didn't arise. But there was a boy's name that we really, really liked. It happened to be the same name as a cousin of about the same age. We liked the name so much that I think we would have gone with that one. It was our choice for our son - had we had another son - just as it was my sister and brother in law's choice for their son.

I really don't see the big deal. It wasn't that long ago that in certain parts of the country it was tradition for fathers and sons to be called by the same name. Now that would have been confusing!

We have a couple of Michael's and lots have Louise or Olivia as middle names.as well as two using them as first names. It's fine.

Yes.
It happened to a friend of mine ie her name and her father's brother wanting to use the same name. They hardly saw each other too. Her uncle did run it past friend's parents first who were fine with it.
Cousins when they did meet thought it was funny (same surname too). Both grew up unharmed!
Depends on the reaction if you run it by them first.

I think it's really weird. My husband's brother gave his daughter a very similar name to our daughter, only a year later, and while they do have a right to do it, I feel like it sends a message that they don't care what we think, don't care that our daughter exists and don't care if the cousins see each other or not! If they did care, surely they would think it was weird too and would pick one of the other hundreds of names in the world!

Edit: if they had asked, we probably would have said we didn't mind, but they didn't ask so left thinking they don't care - so maybe at least ask!

Thanks for the messages, we do try meet up occasionally at Christmas however at times either they can’t make it cuse they live so far away if I seen the child in a shop I don’t think they would know me if it wasn’t for family meet ups. We 23 cousins most of them boys of all ages on my husbands side they have a big family and lots of adults too. I don’t expect everyone to agree my family is small with only 7 cousins my side but if I wanted to use one for them names again I don’t think anyone would bat an eye lid, I don’t expect everyone to agree but again I’m not choosing a name i kind of like over something I love just because of an awkward encounter once a year. However in the mean time if I do come across something I equally love I will go with it rather than the name but for now I think it’s going to be the name. My husband isn’t bothered about the name we choose at all see’s no issue. Thanks for the comments an opinions.

My son has the same name as one of his younger cousins and virtually the same as another, also younger.

I don’t care really, especially as I don’t really ever see them.