Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

[RosieG82]

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

I'd use the name.

Carry on and use the name you want, it’s not like you’re particularly close.

It's fine. Use the name.

Wouldn’t bat an eye lid and I would use the name

Find something else. Seriously, there will be other names you both like.

There are so many options, you don’t have to try hard to be ‘unique’ but I think it’s so unimaginative to use a name already in the family.

Stick to your guns

I agree

Use the name. Your cousin hasn't got a monopoly on it, nor should any family member have a veto on what you call your child.

Thus has come up on MN before and the majority say to use the name but I think its odd.

There's so many names out there it's very unimaginative to use one already in the family.

I think it depends on the name. If it’s a standard name like Charlotte, fine. If it’s really unique and unusual, might seem like copying.

I know I’d be gutted if the only name I liked was already taken.

Thanks all for the comments, the name is Ruby - I’ve spoken to some friends who have said go for it so it’s useful that some have said they’d just choose something different. I’m going to have a think and a discussion with husband and see if we can perhaps look at another name. I would be so gutted but there’s worse things in the world. We’ve still got some time before our baby is born.

I'd use the name.

My cousin called her child the same name as my DS1, doesn't bother me. My DS2 has the same name as one of friends children. My DS2 is 2 months older then friends children. Didn't bother us that we picked the same name.

No one owns a name.

I do think it should be fine for you to use the name but honestly, I wouldn't. I'd just find something else.

Well, I'd use it if you like, but would not be surprised at the comments.

I come from a large Catholic family, every one has someone who has the same name, usually a cousin on one side or another. My Mum only had a first name because her parents literally ran out of names they liked with their older children

People are weird about names, no one owns them. Use what you want. In 2021 Ruby was the 34th most common name in England and Wales. You are not alone in liking it.

DS1 has a standard name (i.e. not unique or unusual). I was the third of my cousins (on the same side) to use it. I have 20 cousins on this side of the family and I only see them every couple of years as I live 1500-2000km away from them. Honestly, it didn't really occur to me that some of my cousins had used the name already. Interestingly, the other two who used it are very close and catch up regularly.

DS#2 has a name one of my cousins had already used. I did feel bad because it was one of the same cousins but it was the only name DH and I could agree on. I did say to my cousin's wife I hope she didn't mind and she laughed and said she was glad I liked the names. I think it helps that there's quite an age difference between my children and theirs. DS2 is in lower primary and my cousin's DS has a baby of his own now.

I think its weird.

I think it is a bit odd. Could you use it as a middle name instead.

One of my cousins named her child the same as mine - about 10 years after mine was born. I don't think I've seen that cousin for about 18+ years except at 2 funerals and we probably wouldn't recognise each other in the street (there are a lot of cousins in the family and some branches are closer than others) but I was still a bit surprised and a little miffed. I realised she probably didn't even know my DC's name - and I got over it very quickly - but I did feel slightly annoyed that my grandmother had 2 grandchildren with the same name. There are lots of them with the same middle name but not first name.
I suppose I think it's a bit dull and unimaginative, especially when it's a very run-of-the-mill name.
It's fine to use it but I think it's odd to be surprised by comments about it ..

If you see this cousin once a year and have barely seen the child, then go for it. It's not like your sisters child or a cousin that lives down the road that you see every week.

Seriously? Given the background that you've supplied about how little you now this cousin (and that she didn't even know your child's name, and it was ten years later) why on earth are you annoyed?

I had the same name as three cousins growing up. That time dc were given family names and each person called their child after my grandmother..so say there was a Patricia in each family. We never cared. Not for one moment..it was never even mentioned. But l had lots of cousins so the chances of names being repeated was high. Is this your only cousin..it could be an issue. I think the fact that others are making a fuss is going to take from your excitement when baby comes which means l would go for something else and TELL NOBODY!! People have too many opinions on other people's names.

Unimaginative? Huh? There are a gazillion reasons people might want to use a name. The fact that sine far flung relative has the same bane isn't unimaginative. It's rather sad that someone wouldn't use a name they love just because someone else in the family that you barely interact with has it. How far would you go? Someone in your friendship group? Street? Sibling of a friend? You'll run out of names or else come up with something imaginative

Don't worry about what your family members say. You name you child as you please.

Ruby is quite ubiquitous
Jade/Amber/Emerald/Sapphire less so.
Or there's Scarlett.