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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

110 replies

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

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Xanadu58 · 15/08/2023 16:09

My cousin called her DD the same name as mine but there's a large age gap and we hardly ever see them except for a wedding or large family party occasionally . It didn't bother me at all .

SouperWoman · 15/08/2023 16:26

Use the name you want op.

one of my cousins has the same name as me (different spelling) - we are a few weeks apart in age. Apparently my auntie copied my parents. 🤷‍♀️ It has never bothered me. In fact I like how it makes us feel close even now we live far apart.

ashitghost · 15/08/2023 16:40

I’d find another name.

Bikesandbees · 15/08/2023 17:47

Definitely just choose the name! They don’t own it.

I come from a country where one of the prevalent cultural norms (but not my culture) is to name children after the grandparents, so often multiple cousins have the same name. They just choose different nicknames, so if they were all Nicholas for example, they’d be Nic, Nico, and Nicky etc. It’ll likely just be a cute fun thing in a couple of years and they’ll get a kick out of it when they see their cousin with the same name.

Reallybadidea · 15/08/2023 17:52

My eldest has the same name as my actual cousin. Another cousin named her child the same as my youngest. It's been a complete non-issue.

Wally1983 · 15/08/2023 21:35

I have several cousins with the same name eg. Paul
my eldest has a Scottish name that transpires is also my husbands cousins sons name… we didn’t even click to be honest yet my husbands auntie made a huge fuss as “they wanted to call him X but you had a grandchild with X so they called him Y and now you have another grandson and it’s Y, all very unfair when they really wanted X but didn’t!!!” She made several calls to my in laws about this. My husband hasn’t seen his cousin for 25+ yrs, I’m 100% positive he had no idea his mum caused such a fuss with my MIL/FIL.
if you want to, speak to your cousin but you absolutely don’t have to!
use the name :)

Wally1983 · 15/08/2023 21:36

And to top it all the first Y is probably 20 and mine is 12, never met and likely never will lol. Pointless argument from the auntie but one I still find highly amusing :)

merryhouse · 15/08/2023 22:31

I have the same name as one of my first cousins, about 8 years older than me. It's never bothered me (ok fair enough she lived the other side of the world by the time I was born, but we met a couple of times and I always knew about her).

I have the same name as my first ever friend, too. And the same name as a lot of people my age, to the extent that most social groups will have a couple of us in. Grin Again it's never bothered me.

I also had two uncles (one on each side) and two cousins (one on each side - not the sons of those uncles) called David. Some names just have their time in the sun...

Berlinlover · 15/08/2023 22:38

My cousin and I live in the same one horse town and we have the same first name and surname. I’m five years older than her but I’m sure nobody batted an eyelid when she was born.

Kattitude · 16/08/2023 01:25

Carry on and use whatever name you choose, your child, your choice.

SofiaAmes · 16/08/2023 01:53

I have the same name as one of my cousins. My daughter has the same name as 2 of her cousins (and she grew seeing one of them at least weekly). My son has the same name as one of my cousins. In all cases, each of them had their own nickname. We are Italian and Jewish and this is very very common in both cultures.

I think it's interesting that it's ok to name a boy the same as his father or uncle, but people seem to get much more upset if you do that with a girl.

3rdtimemumma · 16/08/2023 04:26

Use the name! You'll often choose a name that's the same as a neighbour's/ classmate of older child etc. This is fine too, but better to be someone you don't see often. I'd probably check my cousin felt okay about it too. I reckon this is why people go for such weird names these days, trying to be unique. Really odd. Choose a name you like. I do find it strange when people name their child the same name as them though. Spend whole life calling up the stairs for "little Paul" or "big paul" but still, it's their choice.

nameitagain · 16/08/2023 06:56

Whatever you do, don't ask permission. Just give them a heads up if you want.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/08/2023 07:04

I think it’s an odd thing to do personally. And i Think you’re being off to feel “miffed” with people who also find it odd.

but hey I think you’re going to use it anyway.

petuniasandpetals · 16/08/2023 07:07

I was at a baby group where two sisters had both given their babies the same name. I thought it was silly!

Original poster
RosieG82 · 16/08/2023 18:09

Thanks everyone for the comments. I didn’t speak to my cousin in the end but we’ve decided to go with a different name which isn’t in the family! I’ve reflected a bit and kind of agree that it’s a bit odd

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 16/08/2023 18:14

I think you should at least run it past your cousin and try to gauge if she's ok with it.
I think you should choose something different if she doesn't like the idea of you using it. She did get there first after all.

CremeEggThief · 16/08/2023 18:15

Just saw your update and I think that's for the best.

Runnerinthenight · 16/08/2023 18:15

Go for it! My cousin named two of her three children the same names as my sister and brother. It was fine, just meant we had to add surnames if there was any ambiguity. We were pretty close as well!!

My other sibling and I laughed and said cousin mustn't have liked our names!!

TravelSpam · 16/08/2023 18:26

Use the name.

Lots of people have the same name as other people. My kids have 2 cousins called David. One on each side of the family.
I have a brother and a stepbrother with the same name too...
In both these cases, it just is. Can't tell my husbands sister not to call her son David because my brother has a child called David.
Actually now I think of it, my stepfather's first and second wives had the same name too!

Everyone lived to tell the tale! 🤣

BlueMoe · 16/08/2023 18:27

RosieG82 · 14/08/2023 21:41

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

A cousin chose the same name as one of ours as her very poorly mum liked it so much. Not an issue- it’s a complement.

Crazycrazylady · 16/08/2023 18:52

Honestly it's absolutely fine to use the name. But of course people are going to say 'oh just like cousins little girl' if that will really annoy you then don't

Lamelie · 16/08/2023 19:18

My cousin named his daughter the same as my daughter and I think it’s lovely. Means my mum and her brother both have a same name grandchild 💁🏻‍♀️

cordelia16 · 24/08/2023 14:14

If you love the name, use it.

My father had a brother who shared a name with their father. My father's sister happened to marry a man with that same name. Each of them named their sons with the same name. So in one family alone, there were 5 of the same exact name, spread over three generations (obvs including a set of first cousins). And growing up we all hung out a lot together. They all used variations of the name, and no one got confused or insulted over it.

It sounds like you're not especially close to your cousin, so I really don't see an issue using the name Ruby.

AliceMcK · 24/08/2023 14:21

Fourecks · 14/08/2023 22:16

DS1 has a standard name (i.e. not unique or unusual). I was the third of my cousins (on the same side) to use it. I have 20 cousins on this side of the family and I only see them every couple of years as I live 1500-2000km away from them. Honestly, it didn't really occur to me that some of my cousins had used the name already. Interestingly, the other two who used it are very close and catch up regularly.

DS#2 has a name one of my cousins had already used. I did feel bad because it was one of the same cousins but it was the only name DH and I could agree on. I did say to my cousin's wife I hope she didn't mind and she laughed and said she was glad I liked the names. I think it helps that there's quite an age difference between my children and theirs. DS2 is in lower primary and my cousin's DS has a baby of his own now.

This

i have multiple cousins with the same names, I’m from a big family, it’s very common, family conversations go like, “did you hear Andrew has a new job?’ “Which one” “ Mary’s Andrew, but apparently Toms Andrew is also looking for a new Job too”

I know lots of other people with families like this.