Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

[RosieG82]

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

My dad was one of three brothers who all ended up marrying women with the same name. Nobody thought that was odd.

Ruby is a very popular name. They can hardly claim it for themselves.

Just use the name. Are you really going to eliminate every name of every child you might see once a year?

Personally I think it’s a bit odd when you think of all the names out there. I have a cousin who used the same name as one of mine and another who used a version of (think Nate/Nathaniel, Evie/Evelyn). I’ve always thought it strange and unimaginative. They do say imitation is the greatest form of flattery though so there’s always that!

My cousin did this to me. Yes like you lives miles away from me but we do see each other. It was my grandads name. I was pissed off.
I felt like she stole a bit of my child identity there is about 7 years between them and my son felt upset as it was his connection to his great grandad and this child had never even met him. She also had picked a different name and changed it last min.

Not odd at all. Go with the name you want and ignore the comments. Many families have similar/same names in the. We have 2 Rubies in my family.

Ruby is a very common name, it doesn't belong to them so you should use it if you love it. I do find it a bit odd though.

Since baby isn't born yet maybe consider a different name?

Eloise
Autumn
Clara
Veriry
Lucie
Scarlett

Verity

Perfectly normal in my DH's family - half of them are called John.

50 years ago this was the norm. I’ve the same name as my mum, her cousin and their grandma. My sister is named for our aunt. My dad is named for his grandpa. My brother a combo of my dads and his own father. Obviously a very unimaginable family…

I'd choose something different too. I know on MN people always say 'use the name' or 'no one has a monopoly on names', but to me it's really odd.

We rejected two names that we liked for DS2 because friends already had DC with those names. They're not people we see every day, some we're barely in touch with now, but I always knew they'd think we'd copied them (we weren't copying anyone - one was the name of my Grandad and the other was one I'd like for years), so we found another name we liked that no one we knew had recently called their DC. Perfect solution! There are thousands of names out there. Pick another one.

Nobody owns a name so go for it.

Use the name you've chosen and love otherwise you'll end up regretting it.

My mum's cousin named their son same name as their sister's boy. Nobody batted an eyelid

Honestly, don't sweat it. Your daughter is going to grow up and go to nursery, school, university or work and meet hundreds of people with all different names. Now and then, she'll meet other Rubys. Something will be very wrong if she's bothered that a cousin who once lived a few hours away was one of them.

Given the context you’ve given I think it’s fine. I barely see my cousins and I wouldn’t think twice about using a name they’d used (if they had children that is).

So these 2 babies are second cousins? They share the same great grandparents? Your parent will have a grandchild with this name and a great niece? Are they close with their niece? If not it sounds like if you don’t see this cousin much it’s not likely to cause much, if any, confusion. May be would be an issue if they shared the same name as one of your sibling’s children. Keep the name if you love it.

You should go for the name you like. Don’t speak to your cousin, if she has a problem with it, you’ll fixate on the name even more.

It happens a lot in families, every woman in my DH’s side of the family has the same middle name. My maternal grandmother named her eldest daughter after herself (then admitted she actually hated the name 😂). Dbil has a tradition in his family so loads of the men and boys are called Harry. I had neighbours growing up called Norman and Jean, they named their kids Norman and Jean. That is weird. Naming your daughter the same as a distant family member you rarely see, is not.
Good luck with the new baby OP

My cousins gave their child the same name as mine. I couldn’t care less.

You go for what you want.

I wouldn’t use it. I kicked myself when my cousin named her baby as I really loved it and thought it’d be my little one’s name. I had already decided too. I also never see the cousin and live hours from my family. But I just couldn’t be bothered with the comments you’re hearing. I do agree there are many names to choose from too though. Didn’t help I had preached to my husband throughout my child wouldn’t be named after one of his relatives as I wanted them to “have their own name and not be named after someone” - not for the first name anyway. Middle name, yes.

Use the name.
We have multiple multiples within my family
2 Finley’s (nephews son and a different nephews grandson)
2 Jean’s (my late mum and my SIL)
2 Jane’s (2 x XSIL) very confusing when all 4 Jean/ Jane Samesurname were in the same room
2 Alex’s (niece and her husband)
3 Peter’s (my brother, my late uncle, and XH)
3 Michael’s (my DS, late FIL and my late brother)
and lastly 2 Laura’s (great niece and my late grandma)

Given that there is a six year age gap I think it's fine to use the same name. They aren't likely to be confused with each other.

Use it if you like it - you don’t see your cousin much! I have two with the same name as me :-)

We ar big Sheila, middle Sheila and little Sheila!

The mistake you made was telling people your baby name, should have just announced it when she was born then it’s done and no one can comment

Ignore the comments and use it. Ridiculous of people to whine about this if you only see the child infrequently and they are differently aged.