Am I being unreasonable? Chosen the same name as a family member

[RosieG82]

Hi all. We’ve decided on a name for our unborn daughter which is the same name as my cousin’s child, who is around 6. A couple of family members have said it’s strange that we’ve chosen the same name as ‘there are so many names to choose from.’ I get that but this name is the only name we have both agreed on and both love.
For context, my entire family (including my cousin) live a few hours away. I only see my cousin perhaps once a year at family events, and have never interacted with her daughter. I feel that both kids having the same name isn’t an issue at all and have been slightly miffed with the negative comments. I could understand if I wanted to choose a name the same/very similar to one of my siblings’ children, but a cousin who I’ve barely spoken to in years ? What would you do?

100% I would use the name, no questions asked!! My view is always "how often will the children be in the same room" and in your case the answer is very very rarely so definitely use it!

If you call her Ruby, you can call your child Ruby Jane and your cousins child Ruby Sophia (for example) in conversation with family members. Or they might be big and little Ruby or Birmingham Ruby and Cornwall Ruby. It's fine!
My cousin gave her baby the same name as my then partner which was flattering to him and they were big and little name when spoken about in the family

I would mention it to cousin and tell her that you'd always planned on using that lovely name so she doesn't think you've copied or named your daughter after hers

In our family it's quite common to use the same name,
I was given the same bloody hideous name as my DM's cousin and my DB was given the same name that a cousin and a nephew had.
My Nanny had four granddaughters born in a year, all with same first name and three also had the same surname.
It's not as if you will be seeing each other regularly, so if you both like it then use it.

Depends on the family. DH has about 40 cousins,I couldn't name half of them never mind their children and he wouldn't be much better - so no, we didn't rule out names on that account.

In my family, I only have two living cousins that I'm in touch with and only one of them has children, so yes I avoided anything similar.

Personally I would always err on the side of not repeating a name so people don't think I've copied.

Ruby is a lovely name, I'd use it.

We have the same name as DH's cousins child. But neither of us knew that was the other child's name.
Granted we never see or spend time with them. I'm glad I didn't know - I think it would have put me off and I love DC's name❤️

Cousins as they age won't really have much to do with each other, but using a name that's already taken within the family would put me off. There are so many names to choose from and you might have preferences but you won't know for sure if it suits her until she's here anyway. We don’t all get lucky and suddenly, boom, she's here after so much waiting and she doesn't look like anything but X name. If she does, there's no guilt necessary in using it. But when she comes, she might just suit another name far better. Mine was chosen the second I found out but was a little unusual. When she popped out she simply couldn't have had any other name. Go with your instinct!

Use the name

It’s a tradition in my DM’s family for firstborn daughters to have a certain name.
Apparently going way back.
I have the same first name as my aunt and cousin.
We live within a mile of each other.

I didn’t carry the tradition on with DD 10.

We named our eldest DD after both DHs grandmother and my great aunt (different people, same name). If any of cousins wanted to use the name too as they were both greatly loved women in the family, I don't think we could complain really!

A random name does look a bit copycat... but ultimately its your choice.

My cousin named her DS the same name as DS2. It didn’t bother me at all. We live hundreds of miles apart so no one got confused. It’s just a name that no one owns.

Use the name.

Had the same thought as alternatives, if you really need to change (I don't think you do), but I'd spell Scarlet with a single "t".

Agree though that your main mistake here is telling people. Whatever you decide on, whether you decide to change or not, do not tell anybody anything. Not even that you're sticking with it or changing. Prior to a baby being born, revealing the name equates to open season on airing opinions.

Your baby, your choice.

Also, if the cousin's parents wanted a name nobody else has, they'd surely have not chosen Ruby?

2 of my cousins have a child with the same name. It was never an issue so I don’t think it’s a problem at all.

Use the name they will get over it.

My husband's cousin chose same name we were fine. No one owns a name

In the main I’d say fine, use it. If it’s a standard name like Jake completely understandable, but a really unique name like Ezekeley then I’d understand the raised eyebrows.

Thanks everyone, I’ll think I’ll speak to my cousin and see what she says. I don’t want to upset anyone and I hear the comments re copying as the name doesn’t have any familial significance for me, I just love it!

Some of my cousins (who are also each other's cousins) used the same names. It's not a problem.
The only ones we were a bit about was when two cousins named their child the same fairly uncommon name for DC born within months of each other, and the children were at the same secondary school and in the same year. They had different surnames and middle names. They are 2nd cousins.

The other ones are of different ages.

Definitely just use it if you both love it 😊

My sister named her baby the same name as my husbands sister named hers so now we both have two nieces with the same name 🤣 but it’s fine because they are 2 different sides of the family and everyone gets together around once a year or so!

Carry on and use the name. We have a duplicate name within our family, but the two have never met! They share grandparents, who seem perfectly capable of relating to two different children of two different ages who just happen to have the same name.

First cousins having the same first name seems a bit much. That's two siblings using the same name. It used to happen when fewer names were around.

I think it’s fine but I do understand the worrying..I am due in a few weeks and the name we picked is the same as my sister in laws sisters child. Which seems distant but it means my nephews will have two cousins of the same name if that makes sense. Everyone tells me it’s ridiculous to think about but it does still linger!

@Irishmummy6363 , I think it depends on the name, and the age gap.
If it's something very popular (e.g, Jack, Lily) then I'd not worry.

Think about your actually future daughter not just what you want to name a baby, won't she feel weird being named after a cousinf just a bit older than her?