Struggling to cope with baby name popularity

[Leeloo1233]

We had a tough time naming our baby. It took us really long, partly because I had severe PND and the name decision caused me a lot of anxiety. The names that I had always pictured I would give to my kids didn't work in my partner's language/culture. Every name seemed to cause me anxiety and I got lost in what I actually liked and didn't like until everything was a blur and we couldn't even narrow down our list of 20 names.

Eventually we picked a name that is quite common, but that my partner loves. I thought it was fine, and there was nothing else that I liked more and just wanted to giver her a name before I got more ill.

Now she's two, and I hear her name everywhere. And not just her name, but variations of the name to the point that every child seems to sound the same. We went to visit a daycare today that had three kids with a variation of her name, and I got so anxious I don't think I can choose that place, despite it being otherwise nice.

How do I cope with this and move past this? I feel so much regret that out of thousands of names we considered we settled for a name so boring and unimaginative.

That sounds really difficult, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I think there's a lot of pressure on parents nowadays to use the name to show how special and unique their child is, and (as part of that) their great and original taste.

In reality, I think if the worst you can say about a name is that it's "boring" then you're doing fine.

Just to give another perspective - I have a name that's very common in my generation. There were often several around, with various spellings and shortenings. Even now, I'm often in work meetings with others of the same name. But I love my name - I never gave its popularity any thought when I was young at all. I didn't feel less special - my name always felt special and meaningful to me.

In a gentle way OP, there’s nothing to ‘cope’ with. It’s a complete non issue, not even close to a problem. My daughter’s name is fairly common, it makes no difference to anything.

If the name is common, that means it's popular because a lot of people love it.

I would much sooner be called a popular lovely name than something weird that is met with a raised eyebrow every time I introduce myself, follows by the inevitable request for its spelling.

Be proud of the great name you have given your child. 🙂

I had a similar wobble with my son's name. Except I chose an uncommon name and the anxiety came from whether I'd made a mistake and people making ridiculous barely relatable shortenings of it because they wanted a more traditional name. (Think shortening Finnian to Ian!)

I think I got past it about nine or ten months. This may have coincided with using his name more as he was a lockdown baby so we didn't go anywhere and I called him nicknames a lot. Are you using the name yourself enough?

It will be annoying that the name is popular but perhaps you could look at it that it is popular because it is a nice name with a nice sound?

Does she have a middle name too? Remember that will help separate her from the crowd and can be an affectionate nickname (eh I was first name shortened, middle name shortened as a small child- Think Jenny Anne.

Are you over the pnd as well, because there is no set time for it being over and might be effecting your perceptions still.

If it helps, I was given a unique name and I've spent my whole life hating it, having to spell it and having it mispronounced. Nothing wrong with a common name IMO. Both my girls have names in the top 100. My eldest had the number 1 name in our region of the UK when she was born and was one of 3 with the same name in her nursery room. She was even known as her first name with two letters of her surname to differentiate her from the other little girl with the same initials. It hasn't affected her one bit

The name isn't the issue, your anxiety is, and the name is just a symptom.

I gave my son (5 months old) a top 10 name. We'd loved it for years and years before it got popular again. We still love it and the fact that lots of other people do is surely a good thing?! In my baby group there's a mum who chose a very unusual name and she's already had tons of comments about how unusual it is, "you don't hear that every day" and how babies today have made up names. I've only had lovely comments about his name.

I had an unusual name growing up. Didn't know another one until I was an adult. No one can spell it even now.

Yes, this. Having a popular name is absolutely fine. Are you having any treatment for your anxiety?

Popular for a reason. Because it is a lovely name. People remember the person not the name. Bring your DD up well and she will be remembered for her not a name.

Without wanting to diminish your anxiety, I don't understand why names need to be unusual. Having a popular name means just that, it's popular, well liked! Isn't that a good thing? Rather than a name that no one else likes enough to use for their child?

As an adult I don't care if I meet other people with my name, why would I?

Your anxiety around this is not a "normal" reaction and it is worth looking at why that is.

I hope you can find something that helps.

Popular as it's a nice name! I have a very common name and I'm very happy with it. it doesn't mean your child is any less unique or special.

This may sound petty but there are advantages - my children absolutely love it when they go somewhere and their (popular/classic) names are on stationery, Christmas decorations, souvenirs.

Sorry to hear you have suffered with pnd, it must have been very hard for you but despite the anxiety of naming, your child is yours and is unique even when sharing the same name as others.

You need help for your anxiety OP. When I had PND (and after) lots of silly things bothered me so much. You don’t have to live with it, medication and therapy can change your life.

My name was very popular at the time I was born. I sat on a table at primary school in tje 1970s that had 6 kids, & 3 of us had the same name! So we were just known as "First Name & surname initial". It was fine, nobody cared, and at least I didn't get teased for having a "silly name". Now it is far less common for babies , but viewed as a classic.

This is really not about your child's name, but about your mmental health, for which you could seek support.

Are you receiving treatment for your anxiety? That's what the issue is here, not the fact that you gave your child a commonly-used name.

Exactly! If it wasn't this, it would be something else you would fixate on.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a common classic name. It will not be detrimental to her life in any way and it is 100x preferable to one of those daft yoonique names that more and more people go for.

Please get help for your anxiety

I was one of 3 Dianas in primary school and one of 6(!!!) In my uni course. Zero negative feeling or problems experienced about that. None. Perfectly fine. I thank god my parents didn't saddle me with something unique like D'Anna or Bambi or Star...

Very gently, OP, this is not about the name. What you describe are severely disruptive symptoms of clinical anxiety and you do not have to live like this because there are very effective treatments available. Please talk to a doctor.

There are lots of positives to a common name for a child. Focus on them. Think about the 40 something's called James, Claire and Joanne or the 50 something Susan or Jane. Or the millions of Elizabeths of all ages. It hasn't hurt them one bit.

No difficulty over spelling or pronunciation.

No issue getting personalised gifts.

Unlikely to be teased for a weird name.

Unlikely to be judged or stereotyped

You don't have to repeat your name on the phone or to receptionists

Even if years later there's a pop star/TV character/infamous criminal with the same first name there are so many people don't make a connection.

All makes up for possibly having to be known as Sarah S or Sarah R at school.

I gave my first child what I thought was an individual name, there was another child with the same name in the class all through primary. They were both known as the their first name with the first letter of their surname tagged on to differentiate between the kids.
You don’t own a name so can’t let this upset you. Do you have a nick name you use for her ?

Let me guess, Eva or Rose? I wouldn't worry too much, we have our child a brand that was much more common than we realised and it had caused him no issues whatsoever so far.

Thank you all for such kind posts. They made me cry little, and also gave me some much needed perspective. It is strange to imagine that this is a non-issue that doesn't bother most people.

I was on on medication for a year, and it helped a lot, but I think I need some therapy too. It's strange, most of the time I feel like myself but for some reason this name thing is such a trigger, I don't understand why. The other day I noticed I was thinking how I can actually continue living my life if I have to keep calling her this name. That scared me a little

You absolutely need therapy, OP -- your response to this non-issue is very disproportionate, and you need some help analysing why exactly your daughter's name name being common is such a trigger. Is it partly just because it reminds you of a difficult time?

Names become popular for a reason - they’re great names!

I have a really common name and was genuinely never minded by it, it’s not super duper exciting but my personality and achievements aren’t defined by my name so it just doesn’t rank in the top 100 of things that cross my mind on a frequent basis.

How do you feel about your own name? if you’re generally fine with it it why do you think your dd will be any different? Names are used a lot but they don’t really impact lives in any huge way and if they do they can be changed.

I think of names like perfumes, most are pleasant enough, some amazing, some not so great but mostly it’s a side note about someone.

I cross posted with you before but it sounds to me (in my highly unprofessional opinion) that therapy/further work is needed for your MH. Hyper focussing in on small things out of perspective is an overly anxious response.

Choice of name is something within your control so you’ve made it more important and significant than it actually is. Changing or keeping a name won’t change your dc’s life but you appear to have categorised as something that has that level of importance. You haven’t done your dd a disservice giving them a popular name. If somehow it emerges they really don’t like it, it’s fixable.