Struggling to cope with baby name popularity

80 replies

Leeloo1233 · 01/02/2023 08:57

We had a tough time naming our baby. It took us really long, partly because I had severe PND and the name decision caused me a lot of anxiety. The names that I had always pictured I would give to my kids didn't work in my partner's language/culture. Every name seemed to cause me anxiety and I got lost in what I actually liked and didn't like until everything was a blur and we couldn't even narrow down our list of 20 names.

Eventually we picked a name that is quite common, but that my partner loves. I thought it was fine, and there was nothing else that I liked more and just wanted to giver her a name before I got more ill.

Now she's two, and I hear her name everywhere. And not just her name, but variations of the name to the point that every child seems to sound the same. We went to visit a daycare today that had three kids with a variation of her name, and I got so anxious I don't think I can choose that place, despite it being otherwise nice.

How do I cope with this and move past this? I feel so much regret that out of thousands of names we considered we settled for a name so boring and unimaginative.

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HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 17:28

Leeloo1233 · 01/02/2023 10:07

Thank you all for such kind posts. They made me cry little, and also gave me some much needed perspective. It is strange to imagine that this is a non-issue that doesn't bother most people.

I was on on medication for a year, and it helped a lot, but I think I need some therapy too. It's strange, most of the time I feel like myself but for some reason this name thing is such a trigger, I don't understand why. The other day I noticed I was thinking how I can actually continue living my life if I have to keep calling her this name. That scared me a little

Please go to your doctors op.
Your daughter needs you to be well.
I'm sure she has a lovely name.
You need to get well for her. Please xxx

mathanxiety · 05/02/2023 18:11

This isn't about the name.

It's about your anxiety.

Please seek support with a view tobgetting it under control.

GoldDuster · 05/02/2023 18:20

Give the GP a call in the morning and be honest and tell them what's going on, that you're fixated on her name, to the point it's making you wonder if you can live with it. This is not about the name, your anxiety is lying to you.

Your little one needs a healthy mum much more than the "right" name (and there is no such thing, her name is her name and it is fine), definitely time to go back to the doctors and discuss some options to help you.

justgowith1t · 05/03/2023 16:26

The way you describe your feelings about you baby's name sounds exactly the same as what i am currently experiencing.

Although my 10 month baby has an 'unusual' sounding name that worked at the time, because like you, I was very stressed by the naming process and just needed the name to be decided. I currently think about it a thousand times a day whether it is the right name or not. every time i see or hear the name i feel triggered and i am worried this might effect my relationship with my baby. I am going to seek therapy as the thoughts are effecting my daily life

I just want to say you are not alone in having these compulsive thoughts, it feels awful to be experiencing and all consuming and i hope things get better for you.

hopefully one we might look back at all this and laugh!

(writing with one hand while baby naps on me, so apologies for punctuation etc!!)

justgowith1t · 05/03/2023 16:38

Fink · 01/02/2023 12:06

People are different and names aren't necessarily forever. Some people love having a common name, some people love having an unusual name. Some people value having a name with a real history behind it and a feeling that their parents had a special reason for choosing it, others couldn't care less about this. The same with the meaning of the name: it's important to some people, completely irrelevant to others. Some people value having a 'classic' name and other people want something that goes with the time. It's obviously not objectively an awful name, because otherwise it would have been hard for it to get so popular, so let your daughter grow into it and look for some help for yourself. If she really hates it, she can always change it when she's older. If she asks you how you chose it, tell her the good parts of the story - you really wanted to find the right name for her and you tried out hundreds, but none of them seemed to fit, and finally you found her name which seemed just right.

This is a really helpful comment (in my opinion). Reframing the story behind the name could really help.

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