Exactly the same name

[Puddinggulper]

DH and I are expecting our first child. We’re keeping the sex a surprise but if it is one particular sex then we have one particularly favourite name.

We’ve had this name picked out for this gender for a few years, before we were even pregnant.

The issue is - we have family friends, almost like unofficial relatives, who had a baby of the opposite gender who named the baby with this name - the name is unisex. No real issue you might think - however, funnily enough the family friend married someone with our exact same surname, although completely unrelated. So although the baby is the opposite gender, if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school. Although theirs would be in the school year above.

We were gutted when we found out they’d used the name and throughout the pregnancy have tried to think of another we like as much but we just can’t. I know no one owns a name but would you still use it?

Yes, nobody owns a name.

Maybe change a vowel for a slightly different spelling?

Though there are lots of names out there, and you have time to find another. What were you planning to do if you had had same sex twins, or for a second same sex baby?

I wouldn’t personally do this, no. I’m sure many would though.

@mathanxiety if we had twins I suppose we’d use this name and our then our second favourite name. If we have a second baby of the same sex we’ll use our second favourite name.

@4thonthe4th would you be annoyed if someone did this to you? You had a baby and a year later some family friends with the same surname used the name for their baby? We have prewarned of them when we were pregnant that we may end up using the name and when we found out what they’d named their child we confided in one of their family members that we we couldn’t believe the coincidence as that was our favourite name.

We’ve tried to think of a different way of spelling the name but people would definitely pronounce it wrong and we don’t want our kid to have a lifetime of explaining ‘actually it’s pronounced…’

If it was just the same first name I wouldn’t give it a second thought, it’s just that the surnames match as well it feels a bit ridiculous- like Jamie Biggings and Jamie Biggins. But that name just really really feels like our child we can’t find another we love as much.

if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school.

Of course you cannot use the exact same name for your child People seem to forget why we name people - to identify them easily!

There must be other names you like?

I'm actually surprised you're even asking...!

If you want to use it you should. Tell your friends you've had it picked out for years. Make a joke of it.

And pleeeeeaase it's your baby's sex.

Of you can use the same name. And I’m surprised you’re even asking! Use the name you like!

Did they know you were going to use it?

If you really love it I’d use it. Just because your friends doesn’t mean the kids will necessarily be, they’re going to be in different years at school so it’s not like they’ll get confused. At most it’ll be a minor inconvenience throughout childhood and then they’ll go and live separate lives

Make a joke of it.

You're joking right?

I’d probably think it was a bit weird, not sure I’d be annoyed. I’d find it even more odd if they were going to the same school.
My BIL has a very unusual name; he was the only one given his name in the year he was born and the following year, the NDN named her son the exact same first & middle. My MIL was annoyed at the time however it was the NDN who became more annoyed in the end as all the way through the local primary it was “oh XX; the same as XX in Y1”

This is what would give me most pause. Not the potential to upset this other couple, but how it would effect and how much of a pain in the ass it would likely end up being for my child. Because of that I would find another name.

This!

I wouldn’t use the name of anyone I know for my children. There are literally thousands of names. Choose something different and less common! Your friends would think you were batshit and your dc would end up being called Girl Jamie and Boy Jamie

Honestly we’ve tried to find another name! We’ve had spreadsheets of names! But we just don’t get the feels for others like this one.

What’s the name? Maybe we could help find something in a similar vein

But we just don’t get the feels for others like this one.

You need to keep looking - you owe it to your child! Or choose a name you don't 'get the feels for'

I know all the "no one owns a name" stuff that is trotted out on here but personally, I'd be gutted if that was me.
I would have to use a different name for my baby but I'd secretly and irrationally resent the friends for "making" me.

I’m overdue, we’ve been looking ever since we knew they’d used the name so we literally may only have hours left!

The name is Rowan.

It's a lovely name.

Something else naturey?
Hazel
Holly
Laurel

Something else with a similar sound?
Róisín
Rosie
Rosalie

I'm sure you will find something!

If they’re definitely going to end up at the same school, then I really wouldn’t. Your child will have a lifetime of confusion and/or being called “Little Rowan Bloggs”. Same first name - not a problem. But the same surname as well? I wouldn’t do it for the same of my child.

Not the point of the thread, but surely Rowan is a boy’s name? I wouldn’t have thought of it as unisex. May just be me, though.

I’ve never known it to be unisex.. it’s a boys name isn’t it?

We want it for a boy, they used it for a girl.

@WimpoleHat In the top hundred boys names, but in the top 500 for girls. So not unknown.

In Scotland, it's more common for girls, interestingly enough.

I wouldn’t do it. If it was Harry Smith, fair enough I’m sure there are loads. But not a name which is fairly uncommon anyway. It’ll stand out even more.

Sorry, OP, I misunderstood which way round the sexes of the babies were.

Other boy possibilities:
Ronan
Rohan
Ronan
Roman
Reuben
Ruadhán (or Ruan)
Rory
Owen/Eoin/Eoghan
Oran
Conan

There are lots of lovely choices.