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Exactly the same name

119 replies

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 17:21

DH and I are expecting our first child. We’re keeping the sex a surprise but if it is one particular sex then we have one particularly favourite name.

We’ve had this name picked out for this gender for a few years, before we were even pregnant.

The issue is - we have family friends, almost like unofficial relatives, who had a baby of the opposite gender who named the baby with this name - the name is unisex. No real issue you might think - however, funnily enough the family friend married someone with our exact same surname, although completely unrelated. So although the baby is the opposite gender, if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school. Although theirs would be in the school year above.

We were gutted when we found out they’d used the name and throughout the pregnancy have tried to think of another we like as much but we just can’t. I know no one owns a name but would you still use it?

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 26/01/2023 06:05

No I wouldn’t use it.
Imagine if you suddenly got bad connotations from that name, you wouldn’t use it then you would choose a different name. An example I can give is this;
You get a next door neighbour who is the vilest person around, everyone thinks badly of them. Their name is Rowan. You would definitely not call your child Rowan.
I actually know a Rowan who would put you off the name!

Disneyrunner · 26/01/2023 08:16

Personally if the surnames were different I'd use it but I wouldn't like that being the same too.

I have a Rowan, hes 18 & I picked it because I liked it & didn't know any others . .. there was a girl at nursery called Rowan & his best friend in primary was called Rohan 🤣

We did think about RJ as a nick name as he's Rowan James but the other mum changed the pronunciation of hers to emphasise the h so it was row-an & roh-an!

Harry12345 · 26/01/2023 09:05

No I wouldn’t, I was was the friends I’d find it really strange you’d chosen to do this. My cousin was given the exact name of their second cousin and they hate it. The other cousin has a reputation which follows my cousin too.

Grizzledstrawberry · 26/01/2023 18:46

Use it, its a beautiful name, one I wanted for my son! My sister in law has the same name as me (I know its different to a baby) when she married my brother and took his name we ended up with the same first and surname, same spelling and neither of us have middle names lol, its caused no great problems, no one cares, its no big deal, I shall live with another person in the family with 'my' name.

viques · 26/01/2023 18:49

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 18:04

Honestly we’ve tried to find another name! We’ve had spreadsheets of names! But we just don’t get the feels for others like this one.

Wait until the baby is born. You will know when you see it.

ANewDayDawned · 26/01/2023 18:53

In my experience, a family member chose the name we had said we would use if we had a baby of that sex- when we later did have a baby (not of that sex-) by that point we both agreed we wouldn't want it even if we did have that sex and were totally free to use it... What I'm saying is that even feeling totally convinced that was 'our' name, your feeling about names really does change especially when you see an actual real live baby with the name.

You will find another name you like, that feels right for your baby. And avoid all the awkwardness that will come with choosing the same name

MumUndone · 26/01/2023 19:28

Don't use the same name, that's weird.

Billslills · 27/01/2023 08:14

User76765 · 26/01/2023 05:42

The cousin will be posting here in a few months and everyone will tell her you’re batshit to copy her baby’s exact name..


BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 27/01/2023 10:45

I’d use it. I had a name for a girl, when I was pregnant. I had a boy. A close friend decided that she loved “my” girls name and used. Was a bit 😳 when I had my girl and used it anyway. Over the years, we’ve grown apart - moved to different places etc, nothing to do with the name. I’m really glad I gave my DD the name I loved.
It was a different surname, but I’d still do the same again.

user1492757084 · 27/01/2023 13:21

I would only consider using Rowan as a second name.
Alexander Rowan
Xaviour Rohan
Charles Rowan

Owen is handsome.
Roland - Rowland- Rowly
Angus, Gus

JJWT · 28/01/2023 09:42

I'm surprised at the comments that Rowan is only a boys' name. I've definitely known female Rowans including my daughter's best school friend. The sticking point here for me is that its unclear if the other couple who used it had already been told by the op that it was a name they had been planning to use for years, before the other couple needed a name? If so, they knew they were using the name that op intended to use, so that was their choice. I can't imagine they have a right to be annoyed if they knew when they picked it. Will you all be living in that location indefinitely?

Beautiful3 · 28/01/2023 18:51

I wouldn't give him the same name, because he won't feel like an individual. To have the exact same name as a close family member is not going to make him feel special or different. Choose something else. What about Miles, Elliot or Refus?

Chilesstanton · 28/01/2023 18:53

This happened to my sister as a kid - distant relatives named their kid the exact same name. My advice is don’t do it. It’s frustrating in ways you wouldn’t even expect.

TeenDivided · 28/01/2023 18:59

use the name. & move house.

Reinventinganna · 28/01/2023 19:06

What have they said when you spoke with them about it?

I have two cousins (sisters) who named their sons the same name and the parents of the older one was really annoyed. It makes talking about them etc harder especially as it’s not really something that can be shortened, It’s (not real names)Anna’s James and Sally’s James.

SnowdaySewday · 28/01/2023 19:14

Could you double-barrel your maiden name with your married name to create a new surname for your children, so e.g. Rowan Smith and Rowan Jones-Smith? Or hyphenate the first and middle names e.g. Rowan-Paul Smith (choosing a name that is pretty much only used for boys).

That way, it’s clear on a list of names (or when you ring school with a message) which child is which, but day-to-day he could be known as the name you want. If they are in different school year groups, the issue you anticipate is more likely to arise if they attend the same activities, e.g. breakfast club or out of school sports clubs.

Or, if you plan to have more children, use your second favourite name this time and save Rowan for the next child, where there will be a bigger age-gap between them and your friend's child so paths less likely to cross.

MamaAl27 · 28/01/2023 20:25

How about spelling it Roan? @Puddinggulper

Zoomom · 28/01/2023 20:46

I love the name Lowen. Very similar to Rowan and way less common.

But I also think you should just use the name as you please. These friends could move, you could move, and they may not always be in your life.

PurpleHippo83 · 28/01/2023 21:01

If you love it then use it - I went to secondary school with two girls with the exact same name (cultural girl’s surname and then common name from their ethnic background for the first name) and we never had issues knowing which one we were talking about. Also went to university and ended up living in the same block of flats as another girl with the exact same name as me (slightly more unusual surname for us) and other than randomly getting her post once and my partner weirdly having met her at a uni society before he met me and thinking he’d met me before it never caused a problem.

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