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Exactly the same name

119 replies

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 17:21

DH and I are expecting our first child. We’re keeping the sex a surprise but if it is one particular sex then we have one particularly favourite name.

We’ve had this name picked out for this gender for a few years, before we were even pregnant.

The issue is - we have family friends, almost like unofficial relatives, who had a baby of the opposite gender who named the baby with this name - the name is unisex. No real issue you might think - however, funnily enough the family friend married someone with our exact same surname, although completely unrelated. So although the baby is the opposite gender, if we named ours what we wanted they would both have the exact same first name AND surname. They also live fairly close so could conceivably end up at the same school. Although theirs would be in the school year above.

We were gutted when we found out they’d used the name and throughout the pregnancy have tried to think of another we like as much but we just can’t. I know no one owns a name but would you still use it?

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WimpoleHat · 24/01/2023 18:23

In Scotland, it's more common for girls, interestingly enough.

That is interesting, @CastleTower. I always think of the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, when I hear it, so struggle to think of it as a name for a little girl!

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Yika · 24/01/2023 18:23

Rowan definitely works for either a boy or a girl.

i think it’s possible to still use it. They are not going to spend their whole life sitting next to this other kid. You could adopt a different way of addressing them when they are together eg use the middle name ‘(‘Rowan James’) or initials ‘RJ’ or nickname ‘Ro’ just for school.

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4thonthe4th · 24/01/2023 18:26

WimpoleHat · 24/01/2023 18:23

In Scotland, it's more common for girls, interestingly enough.

That is interesting, @CastleTower. I always think of the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, when I hear it, so struggle to think of it as a name for a little girl!

I can’t imagine it on a girl either. I just see Mr Bean 🙈

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MajorCarolDanvers · 24/01/2023 18:27

Under the circumstances - same surname, same school etc - I would look at a variation to avoid confusion and complications

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WimpoleHat · 24/01/2023 18:28

I just see Mr Bean 🙈

I’d forgotten about Rowan Atkinson! I really like him!

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Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 18:29

We’ve considered the Rohan spelling but feel like our son would constantly get called Ro-Han and have to correct people.

They may not end up at the same school. There’s about 5 secondary schools in the catchment there’s just a chance. And otherwise they’d probably only see each other once or twice a year at Christmas and a bbq.

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OnaBegonia · 24/01/2023 18:33

Surely, there must be another name you like? Tbh Rowan ain't particularly great, I've only known girls with it.

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hollyandtheivy123 · 24/01/2023 18:35

Have you asked the other couple what they think about it? If it's a different sex baby I wouldn't have thought it would cause much confusion. My only concern would be that the other couple might be upset so I'd just see what they said.

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RoseHarper · 24/01/2023 18:35

I'd use it, but I'd contact the family first, not to ask permission, but just to give an explanation. Tell them you had name picked out for years, nothing else you love as much. The children will be in different years, not at the same school potentially. Use the name you love, you may only get one chance to name a son. This family could move away, lose touch with your family and it would be a real shame to not use the name you love.

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Happygone · 24/01/2023 18:39

No I wouldn't do that. I'd be pretty fucked off if someone did that to me too. Irrational I know but I would be.

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skeemee · 24/01/2023 18:40

Ronan (it means little seal in Gaelic) so cute
Roddy
Rory

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RhubarbFairy · 24/01/2023 18:41

I know brothers who are Robin and Rowan as the parents love nature names.

Just put a pin in it for now. You could have a girl, and all of this stress will have been time wasted. If baby is a boy, worry about it when he's here. You'll know what feels right.

We only had one name for DS2, but it was the same name that our late nephew had as a middle name, so we had concerns about using it.

We decided to worry about it once we knew he was a boy (birth). After he was born, I sent DH to ring SIL to double-check that she was okay with it. She was.

Maybe just drop the other parents a message as a heads-up, and then stop worrying about it for now.

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BlueWhippets · 24/01/2023 18:50

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 18:29

We’ve considered the Rohan spelling but feel like our son would constantly get called Ro-Han and have to correct people.

They may not end up at the same school. There’s about 5 secondary schools in the catchment there’s just a chance. And otherwise they’d probably only see each other once or twice a year at Christmas and a bbq.

What about Roan?

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Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 18:52

@BlueWhippets we considered that too but wondered if people would pronounce it like moan, groan etc ???

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BlueWhippets · 24/01/2023 18:55

I wouldn't have thought so. I know a Roan and
I don't believe they've had any issues with it being mispronounced!

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Ponderingwindow · 24/01/2023 18:56

i wouldn’t even use the same first name as an extremely close friend, no matter the surname. It will just cause confusion. Your child deserves a unique name within your circle.

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salamanderturtle · 24/01/2023 18:57

I wouldn’t choose the same name to be honest. It’s just too similar and too close a relation especially as they have the same surname. It will just look really weird. I get you must be gutted though. There must be something else that you can both agree on. What about Rohan, Oakley, Ryan, Cohan. Have a look through some names.

Also I agree don’t stress too much as you may have a girl and so it won’t be an issue!!

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4thonthe4th · 24/01/2023 18:58

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 18:29

We’ve considered the Rohan spelling but feel like our son would constantly get called Ro-Han and have to correct people.

They may not end up at the same school. There’s about 5 secondary schools in the catchment there’s just a chance. And otherwise they’d probably only see each other once or twice a year at Christmas and a bbq.

Yes, my nephew is Rohan pronounced Ro-Han.

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Pinkdafodils · 24/01/2023 19:04

My only concern would be that the other couple might be upset

Your only concern should be your child, who deserve their own name!

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DisneyGirl2329 · 24/01/2023 19:04

Oh no, how difficult. Teacher here and we had 2 children with exactly the same first and second name in one year group. It was extremely confusing! It was hard in assembly's when one child won a certificate as we never knew which one it was meant for. We had to use middle names to distinguish them both. But if they wouldn't be in the same year group it shouldn't cause too much confusion. Rowan is a beautiful name. I have taught both girl and boy Rowans.

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emmathedilemma · 24/01/2023 19:07

I wouldn’t……I know no one owns a name but it would just be weird and difficult when referring to them and talking about them if you’re part of the same friends and family group. I have two friends who both named their daughter the same name (the one with the older DD didn’t know the others were also going to use it until she was born). They were a bit cheesed off the others had used it and the girls are always referred to with their surname attached and called by it when they’re together. If you had two with completely the same name it would be really hard!

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Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:09

The circle isn’t super close. It’s more the grandparents who would have to say ‘your Rowan, my Rowan etc’…the actual kids would likely only see each other around twice a year.

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4thonthe4th · 24/01/2023 19:11

Puddinggulper · 24/01/2023 19:09

The circle isn’t super close. It’s more the grandparents who would have to say ‘your Rowan, my Rowan etc’…the actual kids would likely only see each other around twice a year.

You clearly still want to do it. If you’d had your child first, would you feel ok if they used it after? It may be hard to see it from that side objectively.

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SunSandAndLotsOfGin · 24/01/2023 19:13

Give your child their own name.
Even if they won't see one another than often - they'll see one another. Your child will always feel like they don't own the name and that you copied it from other child.

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FairytaleofNewHampshire · 24/01/2023 19:14

I wouldn't use it as it does seem too similar.
I have got four cousins with the same 70's name and three of them have the same surname, all born within twelve months. My DM decided to give me an incredibly old fashioned name that I absolutely hate just to be different to them.

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