Cultural appropriation or not? Middle name

[FoilWrappedBiscuit]

We wanted to give our new baby my gran's name as a middle name.

My gran's real name is a traditional English name. Think Doris.

But since she was a teenager, everyone has known her as another name, one that is very obviously from another culture. Let's say Parvati. Everyone knows her as Parvati, her husband, her children, everyone - and has done for 70+ years.

Now I knew she got the name Parvati from a film, because she loved the character and thought she was beautiful, and hated her real name. But I only found out recently that the character in the film was portrayed by a white actor using brownface.

This is making me hesitate. The name itself is so bound up with my gran that I'd sort of glossed over my misgivings about giving an English girl an Indian middle name, but this backstory makes me a bit uncomfortable on my daughter's behalf. I'm imagining her growing up, having to explain her middle name... "I'm named after my great gran. No, she wasn't Indian, she just saw a character in brownface and stole the name"... It's not good, is it?? But I want to honour my gran. I've thought about just going for "Doris" but since nobody has called her that name for over 70 years it seems totally pointless. Wwyd??

Jean Simmons as 'Kanchi" in Black Narcissus?

I wouldn’t, tbh, because I would share your misgivings and I wouldn’t give my child a name that had uncomfortable connotations for me. Nothing to do with caring what anyone else thinks.

Could you use her maiden surname?

Just use the name. If anyone asks you can just say it was your grand name she got from her favourite fictional character. You don't have to go into the background of the film. It's not cultural appropriation to name someone a name that's not ethnically the same as their culture when being named after someone. As the phrase on here always goes "nobody owns a name".

Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi in Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

Just use the name and don’t go into the backstory. I could chop off my hands and still count on both hands the number of times I’ve asked about my friends’ middle names.

I would just use it.

It’s only an issue to you because you know the back story and the actor etc….

For anyone else, it’s just a name used n’y many others and so it should be.

Just use that name for your dd. Calling Doris will have no meaning to anyone else, nit even you. Bevause your gran has NEVER been Doris iyswim.

@ShaneTwane I don’t think I would even go int the story about the film.
Thats just the OP’s gran name. If someone questions it (and will they? Has anyone EVER question the gran about it?) the she can just say that her gran had loved the name and hated her ‘original’ name. That’s it. No idea to make it something complicated. People aren’t interested anyway.

Use it. Back story is that Gran heard the name as a child/teen/young woman and loved it so much she adopted it.

This.

Loads of Chinese people use Western names like Emma, Agnes etc. Loads of Indian people do too, and wear western clothes etc. The only people worrying about ‘cultural appropriation’ are Americans and some Europeans.

Use the name your grandmother chose, not the name she hated. Ignore the film, you’re overthinking it.

I think this is one of those situations where other people’s views are meaningless. It’s made you hesitate and feel uncomfortable and only you can decide if that taints the name too much. I do think there’s a difference between an older person living with a name that they chose 70+ years ago and giving a name to a tiny baby with all the future hopes that she represents. Your baby has a very good chance of seeing in the next century!

If you are fortunate enough that your gran is still living perhaps you could give her the honour of choosing your DD’s middle name.

At least understand the concept of cultural appropriation before you decide that you don’t believe it exists.

This

This. Don't make it more complicated than it is.

I would use it. It was your gran's name, and how you remember her, definitely don't use the name she disliked. If asked, you can say she got her name from a character in a film she liked - don't really see why you'd particularly need to go into the brown-face story, it was another time and wouldn't happen now, but that was the time in which your Gran was living.
I agree about cultural appropriation to some extent - eg calling your child Parvati as a white British person with absolutely no connection to the name or reason may be seen as odd. I think it can be taken to extremes though - lots of popular names originally came from a different culture.

You'd be so many layers of questions deep it would have to be an interrogation to get to the brownface part, unless you were actively volunteering it.

What's your name?
Livvy Wilson.
No, your full name?
Olivia Parvati Wilson.
Parvati?
Yeah.
That's an unusual name.
It's after my great-gran.
Oh was she Indian?
No, white British.
How come she was called Parvati then?
She changed her name.
Why?
She was called Doris, wouldn't you?
Yes but why Parvati?
She liked the name.
Why?
It was a character she came across.
A character in what?
A film she liked.
What film?
[film name]
I didn't know they had people with Indian ethnicity in Hollywood films back then.
No, it was a white woman made up to look Indian.

Assuming it's a real name, not something made up for the film the way the actress was made up to be brown, I'd go for it. Blacking up white actors to play roles that should have gone to Indian and other actors was a shit thing for Hollywood to do, but the people watching and loving the stories and characters weren't necessarily wrong to enjoy the films at the time — they had access to what they had access to, and your gran fell in love with the name of a wonderful Indian character, even if portrayed by a white actor hired by a racist studio system based on various factors possibly including hypothetical audience preference.

Use Parvati. Totally agree that if people ask about its provenance (possible, given that its a name from another culture they might be interested) the answer is that its grans name. If pressed on why that was her name firstly that unlikely as its nosy/weird and secondly the answer is "she chose it based on a character in a film". Considering you grew up knowing this and only recently found out about the brownface issue its really unlikely anyone else is going to make that connection. And regardless of any issues, it was your grans name. Agree that calling your baby Doris would not be a fair tribute to your gran, who hated the name Doris!

I'd use it - it's honouring your nan.
If your dd wanted to avoid the whole discussion later on, she could say she's named after a friend, then no one will have anything to criticise. Not that I think your nan did anything wrong - she wasn't responsible for casting!

If it is Kanchi then you can always say it was from the book. I doubt you'll have to have the conversation very often though. My son has an unusual middle name but it never comes up in conversation unless I mention it.

I’d use a variant in honour. Eg Cleo instead
of Cleopatra

I'm Hispanic and I'd find it quite disrespectful if a English white person used 'Maria'

You can call your child whatever name you want. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Who are you afraid offending?

@veniceorna Are you American? Maria is a fairly common name in the UK and Ireland. There must be thousands of white English women named it.

This

Really? How extraordinary. Principally because it's not Spanish.

Use the name. But, genuinely, no one cares about middle names apart from the parents or maybe the people having a child named after them.
It's highly unlikely your daughter will ever have to tell anyone what it is or be asked about it.