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Original poster

Am I right to be upset with my sister in law?

93 replies

sm8724 · 14/08/2022 00:42

Am I right to be upset with my sister in law? My partner and I are expecting our first baby together after 3 years of trying and 5 miscarriages (it’s finally happening I can’t believe it still) I am very nervous about every aspect of this pregnancy due to illness and previous loss meaning I am perhaps a little more guarded around talking about it as I’m so scared it still might not work out. We have 3 names short listed and have since we started trying 3 years ago. Several weeks ago SIL announced she’s was pregnant at which time my partner told her our shortlist of names, today she’s found out the gender of hers and announce the name. It happens to be my favourite that I’ve had picked out since my daughter was born 12 years ago. I am devastated and furious that all she said was “sorry I’m having it” to my partner. Our baby is due several months earlier than hers and I feel if I want to I should still be able to use the name, regardless the relationship is ruined with SIL (we’re not overly close) but it will cause friction for my partner with parents and other siblings. I feel as we hadn’t publicly announced our name choice we will be deemed in the wrong, but for me I wanted to wait until our babies birth. Am I wrong?

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MichelleScarn · 14/08/2022 00:45

Sil your dh sister or partners sister or a brothers wife?
Is it something really really unusual? Or a family/popular name?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2022 00:48

Go ahead and use the name. I would.

mrssunshinexxx · 14/08/2022 00:49

I'd use the name I bet she then wouldn't

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/08/2022 00:51

Fuck her. Name your child what you want. If she says anything just reply “sorry was that the one you said you liked off our list all those months ago?”
FWIW a close relative of mine nicked the baby name that DH and I wanted. We used it anyway and brazened it out on the basis that the child would almost certainly meet others with that name. No one said anything to my face so I’m purposely assuming it wasn’t an issue. Three years later they’re just ‘Your Dave and Our Dave’. Obviously not called Dave IRL.

Remaker · 14/08/2022 00:52

If your baby is due first I would use the name. She knows it’s on your short list, she can’t reserve it. If she kicks off just respond ‘sorry I’m having it’. Then it’s up to her if she wants to use it. She doesn’t sound very pleasant.

My brother and one of our (younger) first cousins have the same first name. I think it annoyed my mum at the time but she got over it. It’s a non-issue these days.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/08/2022 00:53

Use the name and tell everyone if asked.

Why on earth wouldn't you?

Luxa · 14/08/2022 01:22

Use it anyway! Why should she stop you?

BirdWatch · 14/08/2022 01:25

I would use it.

DramaAlpaca · 14/08/2022 01:29

Use the name

Blowthemandown · 14/08/2022 01:46

Use it. She’s being an *rse.

tararabumdeay · 14/08/2022 01:53

Just use the name! If one were to look up kings and queens there isn't much name variation yet they're all different people.

Unless you and your SIL want to call your baby Prince / Princess.

shiningstar2 · 14/08/2022 02:16

Your DH told her it was one of your choices before she mentioned that name? Also your baby will he born first. Surely when it comes to this name its first come first served. She can't reserve the name. Why should you stand aside? How would you feel if you do I'd stand aside and loose your favourite name for the sake of family peace then, when her baby is born, she says she's changed her mind and see is having something else? If that happened she has effectively blocked your use of the name for nothing.

SequinsandStilettos · 14/08/2022 03:14

Use the name - Your baby will be born and registered first! Tough tits. If she cries, silks and kicks off, your DB can point out no-one owns a name and you had it shortlisted.

StClare101 · 14/08/2022 04:07

Why wouldn’t you use it?

spla · 14/08/2022 04:16

I can't really see this as a thing to get worked up about. Your child will define themselves at some point regardless of the name you choose.

garlictwist · 14/08/2022 04:20

Can't you both use it? Dont see the issue. The children will be cousins not siblings. My sister has the same name as our cousin and it's never been a prob.

Aus84 · 14/08/2022 04:37

Absolutely still use the name if it’s your favourite. If there’s an issue with DH’s family just explain you already had it picked out and DH told her. She’s the one who will look like an idiot .

Thepossibility · 14/08/2022 04:53

Use it! She can either use it as well (and look a bit silly) or choose a different name. If anyone asks just give a little laugh and say that she actually got the name off you in the first place and you have had the name in mind for years. Lose lose for her.

stuntbubbles · 14/08/2022 05:00

She can’t say “I’m having it” and suddenly it becomes hers. It’s not like grabbing the last of the loo roll from the shop. If anything, since your baby is due first, you’ll be having it. She’ll just look the oddball if she uses it too.

Longdistance · 14/08/2022 05:07

Use it. Just say to her sorry, not sorry!’ Tough shit.

Hidingawaytoday · 14/08/2022 05:12

Why did your DH give her the list in the first place? Was he trying to 'claim' the name for your baby? You can't argue she's claimed a name when you tried to do it first. Maybe she liked the name before he told her but wasn't going round telling everyone. We had names picked out early but didn't tell anyone until DD was born.

No one 'owns' a name, not your SIL and not you. Just use it.

I'm sorry for your losses.

GettinPiggyWithIt · 14/08/2022 05:17

If you don’t use it now - she will anyway and it will always annoy you!

So absolutely use it now!

Honeysuckle9 · 14/08/2022 05:22

Use it if you want to but don’t make a thing out of it . Names aren’t individual, even in families

Ponderingwindow · 14/08/2022 05:23

No one gets to reserve a name. If your baby is born first, you get to pick first.

If I could speak to your family member, I would advise her to pick a new name if you do use this particular name. It’s really annoying when relatives share names and you have to specify who you are speaking about. Relatives of similar age having the same name can cause bureaucracy problems. It led to some snafus at the doctor on more than on occasion for my mom and her SIL. thankfully It only really caused harm once in an emergency.

Sparklfairy · 14/08/2022 05:25

Youre the one who's going to give birth first so I don't know why you're worried. No one can call dibs on a name, just use it and don't stress. You don't need to explain yourself if she kicks off, I wouldn't be surprised if she's just said that in some weird manipulation to get you not to use the name, and when the time comes she wont either! Then how will you feel?