Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Am I right to be upset with my sister in law?

93 replies

sm8724 · 14/08/2022 00:42

Am I right to be upset with my sister in law? My partner and I are expecting our first baby together after 3 years of trying and 5 miscarriages (it’s finally happening I can’t believe it still) I am very nervous about every aspect of this pregnancy due to illness and previous loss meaning I am perhaps a little more guarded around talking about it as I’m so scared it still might not work out. We have 3 names short listed and have since we started trying 3 years ago. Several weeks ago SIL announced she’s was pregnant at which time my partner told her our shortlist of names, today she’s found out the gender of hers and announce the name. It happens to be my favourite that I’ve had picked out since my daughter was born 12 years ago. I am devastated and furious that all she said was “sorry I’m having it” to my partner. Our baby is due several months earlier than hers and I feel if I want to I should still be able to use the name, regardless the relationship is ruined with SIL (we’re not overly close) but it will cause friction for my partner with parents and other siblings. I feel as we hadn’t publicly announced our name choice we will be deemed in the wrong, but for me I wanted to wait until our babies birth. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
bluberries · 14/08/2022 09:09

Please please please call your child the name you want. If she then wants to call her child the same thing then she's the idiot here.

We nearly had very similar in that FIL jokingly refered to my SIL's baby by a name we had decided on but not told anyone for ours due a few months before. In the end DH had to speak to SIL and she said it was ok FIL was just joking and ours turned out the be the other sex anyway.

You don't want to not call yours it and then she doesnt call hers it.

bluberries · 14/08/2022 09:12

ClocksGoingBackwards · 14/08/2022 08:59

Use the name.

When people make comments say that it’s fine, you know that SIL is happy for the cousins to have the same name because she only chose it after you’d said you were using it. And if she doesn’t mind and you don’t mind, then why should anyone else?

I do feel sorry for the grandparents though, it’s a shame for them to have two grandchildren with the same name.

Why is it a shame? Shame shouldn't be involved in the birth of a grandchild. Joy.

tinplantpot · 14/08/2022 09:15

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

Why is it ridiculous? Can't both couples, for example, choose to name their child after a much loved joint grandparent?

Elsiid · 14/08/2022 09:16

What's the name? Is it a common one?

I would have replied we're having it too. Yours can be Sally 2 or whatever the name is.

AverageJoan · 14/08/2022 09:25

100% use it

SuperCamp · 14/08/2022 09:34

Your DH should reply ‘LOL, Can’t have too much of a good thing xx’ and give your baby your favourite name.

Be calm and assertive, shrug off any comeback, don’t escalate further and as far as possible don’t surround the fantastic news of your pregnancy be surrounded by feuding and fighting.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2022 09:41

Get your DH to reply to her, ‘sorry, I’m having it’ message now with, ‘Us too-yours can be Dave2!’ and leave it there.

LadyEloise1 · 14/08/2022 09:50

@sm8724 Keep the name.
She is a b*tch saying "I'm having it."
Your dc will be born first Smile
Best of luck with the pregnancy, after your previous heartbreak you absolutely deserve to keep the name you love.
Next pregnancy 🤞tell your dh to keep quiet re the name you choose.

user1477391263 · 14/08/2022 10:15

Use it. What is the name? One kid will probably need to use a nickname version, otherwise it'll be "dark Amy/blonde Amy" or something like that etc.

LadyEloise1 · 14/08/2022 10:32

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2022 09:41

Get your DH to reply to her, ‘sorry, I’m having it’ message now with, ‘Us too-yours can be Dave2!’ and leave it there.

Brilliant.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/08/2022 12:21

Just use it

No one owns a name

Your partner is a bit of an idiot for sharing the list

gold22 · 14/08/2022 12:27

Just say to family that it was also in your top 3 which SIL was aware of when she picked it so you'll still be considering it because obviously she doesn't mind having babies with the same name. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PuppyMonkey · 14/08/2022 12:31

If it’s any help, I have two cousins called Julie and nobody in our extended family has ever batted an eyelid at this.

Shinyandnew1 · 14/08/2022 12:34

but it will cause friction for my partner with parents and other siblings.

I would contact my parents now, if I were DH. Say how surprised you were that she has used your baby name after you’d shared it with her and that you wouldn’t be changing your mind so they’ll have two grandchildren with the same name.

I wouldn’t leave it till the baby is born.

Imissmoominmama · 14/08/2022 12:34

I have two nieces with the same name- both grown up now. We always tagged on their middle names to differentiate. It was never a problem.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 14/08/2022 18:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

drkpl · 14/08/2022 18:45

Use the name. She’s already causing tension by being a pick. If she goes on to name her baby the same name then she’s the pettiest pick in the world. Make sure you tell everyone that you chose the name first and told her THEN she stole it.

salharg · 16/08/2022 13:32

Use the name. As stated by someone else cousins with the same name is no issue or is not in my family

New posts on this thread. Refresh page