Am I right to be upset with my sister in law?

[sm8724]

Am I right to be upset with my sister in law? My partner and I are expecting our first baby together after 3 years of trying and 5 miscarriages (it’s finally happening I can’t believe it still) I am very nervous about every aspect of this pregnancy due to illness and previous loss meaning I am perhaps a little more guarded around talking about it as I’m so scared it still might not work out. We have 3 names short listed and have since we started trying 3 years ago. Several weeks ago SIL announced she’s was pregnant at which time my partner told her our shortlist of names, today she’s found out the gender of hers and announce the name. It happens to be my favourite that I’ve had picked out since my daughter was born 12 years ago. I am devastated and furious that all she said was “sorry I’m having it” to my partner. Our baby is due several months earlier than hers and I feel if I want to I should still be able to use the name, regardless the relationship is ruined with SIL (we’re not overly close) but it will cause friction for my partner with parents and other siblings. I feel as we hadn’t publicly announced our name choice we will be deemed in the wrong, but for me I wanted to wait until our babies birth. Am I wrong?

Just use the name you want to use. She can also use it. Honestly, why does it matter? My family has a number of people with the same name in it. I've met many people in my life with my name and it's never caused me any kind of problem. I never really understand why people get upset about this kind of thing.

Use it. You chose if first, she doesn’t get to bully you because she has a bigger mouth?

if you like it then pick it and don’t even think about her. She could100% change her mind when her baby comes and pick something else. She won’t care less.

Pick the name you want, end of story.

Even if they share a surname, they're going to have a different date of birth and address, so I don't know how there could possibly be any problem at a doctors unless they are totally incompetent. My DH has one of the most common first and surname combos ever. In any database there are several with his exact name. DOB distinguishes them with zero problem.

F

@MeenzAmRhoi , you're mistaken. The OP posted on that zombie thread before starting her own.

No it hasn't, if you look properly you'll see the OP posted on that thread by mistake this morning then must have realised and stated her own.

Honestly, why don't people look properly before accusing the OP.

I haven't stolen this post, I mistakenly posted it as a reply. Why would I do that?

Use the name! You're giving birth first so SHE will be copying YOU. You both like the name while pregnant, she can't claim it now, but you will have the baby first. You should definitely make it very clear that you are using the name anyway, though. So it doesn't come as a big surprise to anyone.

Thanks everyone, I'm happy for them to have the same name I'm just upset for my partner as he's already had other members of his family say can't you use a different name. I believe he told my SIL out of excitement not to say they are ours he's oblivious that sort of thing, it's from them the "well I'm having the name" started.

She sounds nasty

Just use it, she'll probably chose something different anyway and if not who cares - you chose it first

Honestly if you don't use the name you'll feel upset and resentful literally forever, it's not something that you can just forget because you'll presumably be having to use the name to speak with the child? So even if you don't use the name, it will negatively affect your relationship with SIL. So just use it.

Apologies @sm8724 I mixed it up! I will report my own post.

Agree just use the name, if you want to you could be relentlessly positive with her about how cute it will be that they have the same name so it is clear it doesn't bother you. How much do your lives overlap anyway? I guess it might seem more wierd if you have a similar friendship group and they might go to the same school.

Having slept on it I've come to the decision that as a person has suggested on this thread I will be calm and assertive in that we might use that name too and it's not a big deal, these are people we hardly see, our child will come across many others with the same name it's not overly rare and we have a nickname picked out too. Thanks again all it is sometimes nice to just have that back up isn't it! X

@sm8724 , that's a great solution. It's really hard to choose a name officially before baby is born as sometimes the name you think u like may not fit. If asked I'd keep it in the mix and them at the time choose the right name for your child. Point out sil may change her mind when babies here (who announces the name in advance??)

OFGS no she doesn't, for all you know she's had this name picked out since she was 12 just didn't tell anyone.

This sounds like a sensible thing to do. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy

@autienotnaughty that's exactly what we were doing and I feel the name announcement has only happen due to our interest in said name, which is why i am fuming. That along with "I'm sorry, I'm having it" message to DH is not ok.

I've ever shared names that I liked but always the ones that I wasn't too fussed about. This way I kept the ones I really loved a secret so people were always pleasantly surprised when they heard it.

Never not ever!

@Thefruitbatdancer I think she's genuinely wants the name and hasn't just taken it as we've picked it too, my rage at her is that she's just decided she's having it and we shouldn't. I too like to keep these things to myself but DH wouldn't have given it a second though whilst sharing with his own sister as he's just so excited. She's the youngest and always been the baby and always had her own way... to claim a bloody baby name is pain ridiculous though. I think he'll be more cautious in future!

I would use the name if it is a name you have loved for years and she only heard it from your husband. Your baby will be born first so she is hardly going to use it then as well.