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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Name regret - too much pressure for a miracle baby?

84 replies

FFSparenting · 31/05/2022 16:48

I keep obsessing about my baby's name and wonder if anyone on here felt the same. Maybe it's common to feel this way but this is my first and most likely only baby due to a long journey with fertility issues, multiple losses and failed IVF. I then found myself pregnant naturally out of nowhere after having accepted I would be child free. I now have an amazing baby son who is lovely and doing really well. He is my miracle and the miracle of our family as he is the only grandchild on either side.

We could not decide on name throughout the pregnancy, I had many girls names I would have loved but could not settle on a boys name. Not one that really sparkled and felt right.

We could not decide even after he was born and were getting close to the deadline so settled on a name that I thought I wouldn't regret because it is solid and classic. But perhaps because of my fertility issues the name had to be so special that it was impossible to find one that felt right? I get quite 'meh' responses to his name which I find quite gutting and I find myself not using it and using silly nicknames instead. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I over thinking it?

The name is Jack. I can't help feel there was something better for him and it's casting a shadow over what is an absolute miracle given all our hurdles to have him.

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Sally872 · 31/05/2022 16:51

Lovely name, one of my favourites.

But if you really don't like and have another option dh also likes better then change it.

Kanaloa · 31/05/2022 16:52

Jack is a lovely name. It’s sensible, sturdy, will suit him as a baby, boy, and a man. A name is to serve the child. He should wear his name, not the other way round. I’ve looked after lots of Jacks, and every one was memorable to me. It really doesn’t matter that the name isn’t ‘special,’ it belongs to a special boy.

As for getting ‘meh’ responses, most people in real life won’t really react much to someone else’s name. You just say ‘oh who’s this? Jack, hello Jack.’

Kanaloa · 31/05/2022 16:53

So I wouldn’t find the ‘meh’ reactions ‘quite gutting.’ Your baby’s name isn’t for other people and you really can’t expect others to be excited about it. It’s just not that interesting to most people.

Miriam101 · 31/05/2022 16:53

It's a lovely name; there's absolutely nothing meh about it. Kindly, if this is really "casting a shadow" over your lovely son, maybe there is more at play here: how are your anxiety levels? I don't mean that in a patronising way but speaking from experience I know how anxiety (which can often rear its head post-natally) has a tendency to make one obsess over relatively trivial things rather than the Big Issue at root, whatever that may be. In your case, is it perhaps that you feel pressure to make everything absolutely perfect for this child who so miraculously came into your life? I may be totally wide of the mark of course. But, honestly, Jack is a lovely name.

HaggisBurger · 31/05/2022 16:56

I think you might be overthinking it yes. Jack is an absolutely lovely name for the reasons you said. To get honest, I don’t think anyone gets any tremendous reactions to baby names, unless negative. Particularly boys names.it’s one of those things that we as parents obsess over and other people are matter of fact in.

I don’t mean to be at all unkind but I don’t think the nature of his being an only grandchild, etc etc hould mean he has an extra special name. All babies are miracles and putting this extra pressure on yourself doesn’t sound that great for you. Enjoy your beautiful miraculous little Jack. I bet he’s just gorgeous 😀

rnsaslkih · 31/05/2022 17:00

You’ve given your child a name that can go absolutely anywhere from a prison to a palace. Easy to spell. Easy to pronounce. Timeless. And, in the times we live in, it will be ungoogle-able - even better.

Therefore it’s perfect. It’s highly rated for a reason - people like it.

don’t worry any more about it. It’s great.

Staynow · 31/05/2022 17:02

Jack is a great name because it works at any age and is a classic. I thought you were going to say you'd given him a completely out there name because he was such a miracle, Horatio Quentin Tarquin the third or something. Remember his name doesn't define him, he is the one that will make the name memorable.

Caszekey · 31/05/2022 17:03

What reaction are you hoping for? Because is you have a "oh wow", "oh that's cool" type name, I can guarantee you'll also get "what?", "why?" and "poor kid" comments too

Mariposista · 31/05/2022 17:07

Not all children have names that 'mean' something. The parents give them a name that they like, that will serve them for life, and that's it. Jack is a lovely name - short, sensible, suits a young child, teenager, adult and elderly man. Enjoy being a mum to Jack after such a long time of hoping, and stop worrying.

MsTSwift · 31/05/2022 17:07

My sister had a friend who literally said her dc were more precious than my sisters big standard babies as they had been born via ivf. Think that’s one of those thoughts to keep in your own head!

MsTSwift · 31/05/2022 17:07

Bog standard

Hugasauras · 31/05/2022 17:08

Every baby seems like is a miracle to their parents no matter the path to get there, so no need for 'special' names as some sort of marker!

HSKAT · 31/05/2022 17:11

I love Jack.

I also went through the same as you and spent all my pregnancy trying to find a boys name with a meaning related to it.
I didn't find it.

We also went for a classic, timeless name and I'm happy with my choice.

All the boys names we found with a meaning behind them were abit out there for us. And let's be honest no one would know the meaning other than us. And I wouldn't want to have to explain it, but then, I don't think anyone would ask.

Congratulations on your baby Jack Flowers

JemimaTiggywinkle · 31/05/2022 17:12

Jack is a great name! How old is he?

I felt weird about using my baby’s name at first, just because they’re so little and squishy, and this seemed like a proper person’s name. (I know that doesn’t describe it very articulately).

I used to call him “baby ‘name’” rather than just “name” on its own, or nicknames.

I think it takes a while to get used to it, and I didn’t have any regrets about the actual name, just felt odd saying it.

Is there a particular other name you wish you’d gone with?

ExPatHereForAChat · 31/05/2022 17:12

I'd much rather a name that gets little reaction. Usually the one people rave about to your face is one they go home and joke about.

Jack is a gorgeous name and was on my list. Strong and traditional but not hugely popular in my area.

Anyfeckinusername · 31/05/2022 17:13

Just following on from what another poster said about he wears the name… not the other way around… it’s very true.

is a name ever going to convey the circumstances before his conception? Does he need to ‘wear’ the background to his conception? in a way that’s your journey and your story but it’s not his, if that makes sense.

Jack-jack from the incredibles - there’s a role model!!

LakeTiticaca · 31/05/2022 17:17

Nothing wrong with Jack it's a good strong name

Dominuse · 31/05/2022 17:20

Have you thought really that this could be linked to the ‘down’ after birth?

My first was the miracle - she was born after 5 mmc and 1 ectopic whilst I was on the pill awaiting a tube removal the other side due to scarring. I was told I would need it removed due to have scarring. She was my miracle. Then I ran the gauntlet of genetic problems and pregnancy problems. Miracle c section and up until then I had never let myself believe she was really here.

I love her name decided when she was born. The is the only one - wondered if she would like it and aged 15 she does - my point is I was worried about the name. Her name isn’t uncommon rather timeless just less used these days - like Ruth or something but she loves it. Jack is a lovely name - but you can change it if you don’t like it.
My son and daughter both have old biblical names - thought they wouldn’t like them but they do.
I love Jack but it’s not about me - the point is with all the stress you have been though are you able to relax or is it about the name?

sorry if my post confused you.

what I’m trying badly to say badly is change if you want to, do not consider anyone other than you and your husband.

if you want to change it so it.

Goingforarun · 31/05/2022 17:31

Pick him up look at him closely in the eyes and say jackie boy jackie boy jackie boy in a high-pitched voice with a big grin.

loulou2021 · 31/05/2022 17:37

Jack is a great name!

MatildaJayne · 31/05/2022 17:46

I love the name Jack. It was very popular for a while because it’s such a nice name but less popular now. It’s a classic. A more ‘wow’ name would be marmite for many.

MumChats · 31/05/2022 17:49

JemimaTiggywinkle · 31/05/2022 17:12

Jack is a great name! How old is he?

I felt weird about using my baby’s name at first, just because they’re so little and squishy, and this seemed like a proper person’s name. (I know that doesn’t describe it very articulately).

I used to call him “baby ‘name’” rather than just “name” on its own, or nicknames.

I think it takes a while to get used to it, and I didn’t have any regrets about the actual name, just felt odd saying it.

Is there a particular other name you wish you’d gone with?

Totally agree with this answer that baby age might make a difference. I felt the same about my son when he was newborn. I felt weird using his name and also of course little babies dont respond to their names which probably doesnt help. Now DS is a toddler using his name feels much more natural. He looks around when we say it, he comes when we call it (if he wants to!) and I can't imagine him being called anything else. He's also called quite a popular name so no one really comments on it, but similarly no one has anything negative to say either. My nephew has a really unusual name and I don't like telling people it; I usually get an eyebrow raise and then have to explain a bit about why he's called that. Jack is a great name!

CPL593H · 31/05/2022 17:50

I was going to suggest Jonathan (Hebrew-"God has given") nn Jack, but nah. Jack is a great name by itself. Pretty much impossible to misspell and suits all ages.

Congratulations on your lovely baby Jack Flowers

stairgates · 31/05/2022 17:51

Jack is perfect😊

TheGetaway · 31/05/2022 17:51

Jack is a great name

Most names people love or hate.
Jack seems to be generally liked and popular