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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Name regret - too much pressure for a miracle baby?

84 replies

FFSparenting · 31/05/2022 16:48

I keep obsessing about my baby's name and wonder if anyone on here felt the same. Maybe it's common to feel this way but this is my first and most likely only baby due to a long journey with fertility issues, multiple losses and failed IVF. I then found myself pregnant naturally out of nowhere after having accepted I would be child free. I now have an amazing baby son who is lovely and doing really well. He is my miracle and the miracle of our family as he is the only grandchild on either side.

We could not decide on name throughout the pregnancy, I had many girls names I would have loved but could not settle on a boys name. Not one that really sparkled and felt right.

We could not decide even after he was born and were getting close to the deadline so settled on a name that I thought I wouldn't regret because it is solid and classic. But perhaps because of my fertility issues the name had to be so special that it was impossible to find one that felt right? I get quite 'meh' responses to his name which I find quite gutting and I find myself not using it and using silly nicknames instead. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I over thinking it?

The name is Jack. I can't help feel there was something better for him and it's casting a shadow over what is an absolute miracle given all our hurdles to have him.

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toastofthetown · 31/05/2022 19:58

Congratulations on your baby! Jack is a solid name and one which is unlikely to cause him any problems in life. But if I met a baby Jack, I'd probably give a 'meh' response as well. It was the most popular boys name in England and Wales from 1996-2008 and is still the most popular name in Scotland and that level of popularity means that it's just not as objectively exciting. Though on the flip-side, it's less polarising. If you had called him Lysander for example, you'd probably have more 'oh wow, I love that!' type reactions but also a lot of 'errr, that's... interesting' as well.

EverNapping · 31/05/2022 19:59

Jack is a lovely name, it will suit him at every stage of his life and no matter who or what he becomes.

Congratulations

AcceptYourself · 31/05/2022 19:59

It's a great name!

And all the Jacks I know are lovely

MadKittenWoman · 31/05/2022 20:15

Jack is fine. My only IVF /ICSI DS is a Matthew. His class was full of Jacks and Matthews. Good, solid names and timeless with it.

SquigglyOne · 31/05/2022 20:24

Jack is a lovely name - it definitely would have been on my list if it wasn’t my exes name 🙈🙈😂😂

MrsLighthouse · 31/05/2022 20:26

Jack is lovely . Maybe just call him Jackson, Jacky or just Jay ( J ) how old is he ? If your husband agrees just change his name. You need to be enjoying him, not fretting.

Minniem2020 · 31/05/2022 20:33

Jack is a great name. I wanted it for one of my DS but I have a SS with a name that is too similar so couldn't have it unfortunately

FIZZYTEDDY · 31/05/2022 20:39

MsTSwift · 31/05/2022 17:07

My sister had a friend who literally said her dc were more precious than my sisters big standard babies as they had been born via ivf. Think that’s one of those thoughts to keep in your own head!

Sorry WHAT? what has that story got to do with the OP? Where does the OP say that her baby is more precious than another's "bog standard baby"?

This is simply a new mother looking for some feedback on her new little baby's name..a baby who she feels is an absolute miracle to her!

Honestly don't know why some feel the need to post nasty comments to someone looking help/advice

FIZZYTEDDY · 31/05/2022 20:40

Jack is a great solid name!!

Calmdown14 · 31/05/2022 20:44

Nothing wrong with Jack. And it's one that was almost so popular you'll probably find less of them now. I don't know any under five.

Is it perhaps because it's not a cutesy baby name like Alfie, Archie (basically anything with an ie/EY ending)
But that's a good thing because they are not babies forever and you can have as many cute nick names as you like.

Jack suits a little boy, a teenager and an adult. It's a strong choice

smith19784 · 31/05/2022 20:48

I love it. I would have had this name if I had a boy. Also I don't think it's that common at the moment which makes it more appealing.

Newtothis777 · 31/05/2022 20:52

Jack is gorgeous. But agree with others could it be linked to anxiety? I’ve had so many name worries for my children on names that I had previously been certain about all the way along and i know
its linked to my anxiety. Enjoy your lovely Jack x

serialgrannie · 31/05/2022 20:56

Jack is a superb name. Get over yourself OP. How lucky he is to be called a proper, normal name which suits a tiny child, toddler, teenager and man. I cringe whenever I read on these threads about people calling their lovely new babies names like Ebenezer/Geronimo etc. Or worse, a made up name that no-one will be able to spell. Any day now someone will say they are going to call their baby girl Syphilis because they like the sound of it. I may of course be biased because my wonderful grandson is a handsome, clever, kind young man who happens to be called Jack.

Fivebeanchilli · 31/05/2022 21:10

I really like Jack. Despite its popularity (less so now) my children have only ever been at school with 3 Jacks (and they are young adults now). I think it's solid and easy to wear.
If a friend had a baby Jack now I probably would smile and nod - which might come across a bit meh - because there's not much to say about it. But that's not a bad thing.
I like unusual names and I know that, for the few people who rave about one of my children's names, there are far more of my friends who dislike it.
I thought you were going to say Samuel because that seems to be the standard "miracle baby" name amongst the people I know (church going so based on the Bible story). I admit to being very bored of that name!

Potatohead20 · 31/05/2022 21:32

Really similar to you, and had real angst over the name. I did find a name which was special and had meaning to me, and then have spent ever after wondering if I overthought it too much! I think jack is wonderful and it has special meaning too, enjoy him x
(also, don’t know if it helps but I googled similar old threads at the time and found lots where parents weren’t sure about theor babys name with many saying it took a long time to get use to it but now wouldn’t change it).

Dutchesss · 31/05/2022 21:39

I love the name Jack.
It was on my list but too popular back then. I think it's less popular now, I don't know anyone under 7 called Jack.
It's a short, sharp name that's not too marmite, perfect for a strong rainbow baby.

DoubleDiamond · 31/05/2022 21:46

Lovely name. Honestly, I think any name that gets a strong reaction is likely to have as many haters as lovers. You’ve chosen a name that almost everyone likes and that will take him anywhere.

Honestly, I think you are over-thinking it. Your baby is special- he doesn’t need an unusual name to prove it.

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 31/05/2022 22:06

I feel the same way @FFSparenting . Years of multiple IUI's and IVF cycles and I finally got my miracle baby, so he'll very likely be the only one. I also went for an ordinary or "boring", popular name (William), despite being a bit of a name nerd and also loving many much more unusual ones. I also sometimes second guess myself about it - likely due to depression from the tiredness of new parenthood.

The thing is, I think that especially when you have wanted and worked so hard for something, you want to do what "best". So it can feel easier to go for a popular, classic and timeless name like William or Jack (I like Jack btw! - we have one in the close family). Yes it means we'll rarely get any especially positive reactions to it or many nice comments - but I've never had any bad reactions or raised eyebrows either because everyone likely already knows several Jack's, William's, Thomas's etc. He's also unlikely to be teased about his name as it won't stand out, his name won't date him or have people make assumptions about his background and eternally popular names have the bonus of lots of interesting namesakes to boot.

I also think the risk of changing it is that likely whatever name I chose, I'd still always be second guessing myself.

CurbsideProphet · 31/05/2022 22:11

Jack is a great name. I have it on my list 🙂 I'm pregnant through IVF and really understand the anxiety of wanting to get the name right. It's very scary to have the baby you've longed for and after going through so much heartache. I want to feel like I'm doing everything right for my baby as it's the only chance that I have to be a mum. Maybe that's the same for you? Hopefully this thread has reassured you that Jack is a lovely classic name. I don't know any boys or men called Jack, so maybe its popularity is regional.

Luredbyapomegranate · 31/05/2022 22:26

It’s a perfectly nice name, but it’s been very popular for a long time, so people aren’t going to react much. It doesn’t mean they don’t like it.

If it’s really casting a shadow I think it might be a low mood issue, rather than not liking the name. Could you check in with your partner / HV / GP on how you are feeling?

Starbeach · 31/05/2022 22:45

Your never going to get everyone to like a name either it's too wacky/out there, too popular or classic and boring. So ignore the meh responses if you feel Jack is the right name for your miracle then stick with it.

I'm pregnant with our fertility baby and due to the way men were treated throughout the treatment, I said as long as it wasn't awful he could pick the name, which he has and whilst it wouldn't have been a name I would have of picked its not awful and has grown on me.

DPotter · 31/05/2022 22:56

Great name - strong, classic, suits every age, easy to say and spell!

Apollonia1 · 31/05/2022 23:50

Jack is a great name! It was on my baby name list. I also have IVF babies, so understand wanting to give them a great name.

How old is Jack? For the first few months I referred to my twins as "the boy" and "the girl", since that was how I referred to them during pregnancy. It took a few months for me to be comfortable saying their names. Maybe that's the case with Jack.
What other names would you prefer? It's not too late to chance his name, if you really feel strongly about it.,

babyjellyfish · 01/06/2022 08:33

Perfectly fine name, OP.

I get that it all feels like high stakes when you've had such a hard road to get your take home baby, but your son is not less special for having a simple name like Jack than he would be if you had called him something very unique or awe-inspiring.

If anything, I think "big" names can be a lot to live up to. Obviously bringing him safely into the world is a huge thing for you given what you've been through, but he doesn't know any different, he's just a child and he doesn't need to be under pressure to live up to great expectations.

He's just your boy, Jack, and he will forge his own path in life.

Noimaginationforaun · 01/06/2022 08:42

Jack is a wonderful name!

Like you, I had a difficult journey to motherhood and I now have a wonderful little boy who is adopted. I did find that, when he first came home, I would get very anxious about everything. I felt like because we’d been on such a journey, everything needed to be beyond perfect to reflect the fact that we were parents, that this little boy came into our lives and he deserved the absolute world. Choosing his middle name was a minefield! Did it suit him? Would he like it? Is he happy? I was diagnosed with post adoption anxiety! We are now a year on and I’m all better.

I’m not diagnosing you or anything but i’m trying to say I do understand the feeling of obsessing over (in hindsight) quite insignificant things because I just felt so lucky to be a Mum (which, with adoption is complicated in itself but that’s another story!)

Jack really is a lovely name. You’re doing great and your little Jack will grow up and feel very comfortable with his name. I bet teenage future Jack will probably shake his head at your worry because he can’t imagine being called anything else!

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