Name regret - too much pressure for a miracle baby?

[FFSparenting]

I keep obsessing about my baby's name and wonder if anyone on here felt the same. Maybe it's common to feel this way but this is my first and most likely only baby due to a long journey with fertility issues, multiple losses and failed IVF. I then found myself pregnant naturally out of nowhere after having accepted I would be child free. I now have an amazing baby son who is lovely and doing really well. He is my miracle and the miracle of our family as he is the only grandchild on either side.

We could not decide on name throughout the pregnancy, I had many girls names I would have loved but could not settle on a boys name. Not one that really sparkled and felt right.

We could not decide even after he was born and were getting close to the deadline so settled on a name that I thought I wouldn't regret because it is solid and classic. But perhaps because of my fertility issues the name had to be so special that it was impossible to find one that felt right? I get quite 'meh' responses to his name which I find quite gutting and I find myself not using it and using silly nicknames instead. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I over thinking it?

The name is Jack. I can't help feel there was something better for him and it's casting a shadow over what is an absolute miracle given all our hurdles to have him.

Wow I didn't expect so many replies. Jack is 10 months old so I wrote this post because it was niggling me and I've read you only have until 1 year to change the birth certificate. Also I feel like I should be comfortable with the name by now.

Reading my post today I feel a bit of a prat because I can see I am definitely overthinking it. Also I didn't mean to give the impression I think he is any more special than any other baby, just that maybe going through a tricky journey to be a mother might be contributing to feeling like this. I definitely don't want his name to be linked to my struggle, that would be horrible. And I did experience some pressure from well-meaning grandparents because they were so excited and had strong opinions. I also really wanted them to like their only grandson's name.

A few people on here have suggested anxiety or low mood might be part of this, I think you are right. I had depression and crushing anxiety after the initial high of him being here safely and it was during this low period we had to choose the name. I just sort of settled on a safe option, rather than making a strong active choice. That feels like I let him down and didn't think more carefully. But it is a strong name, a safe choice and I'm really glad it won't define him and he can be his own person.

I definitely worry too much what people think and don't want to pass that trait on to him so perhaps I need to start owning this now. The most ridiculous thing is I don't have another name in mind and luckily haven't thought of another name I'd prefer just a general feeling that I could have done better for him. But perhaps it's just a feeling. I do also hear Jack being called a lot for older children but haven't met another baby Jack yet. But then I don't know what I expected as it's a common name.

Thank you for all your replies. You have helped me. He is Jack and he is beautiful!

All of my children have “common” names. I have a jack! And I chose them because I liked them, don’t really care about what other people think. Also names that will suit them through the years.. are not hard to spell ect.. so yeah jacks a good name although just to warn you my jack is a right little cheeky bugger!

I don’t know any baby Jacks. Only older ones. It’s a good name. Glad you’re feeling better about it all. I’m gonna mention something which may be way of the mark but… I’m not sure if you ever get compulsive/intrusive thoughts. It’s linked to anxiety. It could be that this is an intrusive thought about his name rather than an actual real
thought that is worth listening to.

🥰🥰 you sound a great mum.

Agree, you sound like a lovely mum. Jack is a lucky boy!

I used to look after a lovely Jack, if he was the last one left at the end of the night we used to listen to songs on the Alexa with Jack in them. Jumping Jack Flash, the house Jack built, happy Jack etc. His sister also had a name that’s really popular in songs so it was fun. Maybe you could do the same! It’s fun having a name that’s in songs.

Jack is a lovely name,
sometimes when people get quite big reactions from a name it is because its suprising,
that doesn't mean good. Ive met some people whose children have very suprising names and you feel like you have to comment to fit with your suprise, and wouldn't want to be rude so you say its lovely.

Jack is a nice name, its not shocking or weird and thats a good thing. And it means peoples comments can be about how sweet, or clever or kind or cute he is.

Easy and solid names give space for someone to be whoever they want, it might be hard to be a shy, small, straightlaced Phoenix or Titan or to be a non academic kid into diggers but called Darwin. Jack can be special in his own way.

Hi @PlantingTrees maybe it could be, I thought intrusive thoughts were more serious than things like this, but maybe it is. It's like a re occuring thought over and over again that won't quite go away. But hopefully it will if I keep things in perspective? Thanks for your reply.

I think unwanted thoughts can be about anything really, it’s just the more serious ones bug you more so you notice them more. It might be that the unwanted thoughts description doesn’t really fit for you, but I thought I’d mention it anyway in case it helps.

I can relate to this with my own miracle baby, although we didn't go through IVF I was resigned after 7 years of trying that I wasn't going to be a Mum. My little baby is due next month and will very likely to be an only baby, I've a small list of names I love and the knowledge of only getting to choose once made it difficult for me. Yes nobody will ever really know her middle names, nobody will think twice about her first name after being introduced but it mattered to me and her Dad