People's comments on my son's names

[Petmalex]

I have two sons, a just-turned 3 year old called Jason and a 4 month old called Robert/Robbie.

When we introduced Robbie to Jason's nursery teacher and my health visitor, they both commented 'oh, like Take That'. I shrugged it off to begin with but I can't seem to shake this horrible feeling I get that I can't really describe... Perhaps someone can put some words/sense to it. Everyone around me thinks I'm being ridiculous and overthinking it. Jason was named because his name means to heal (we lost a baby prior to him at 23 weeks in my pregnancy and we lost a baby at 24 weeks after him but before Robbie) so Jason really has been my healer to get through some very dark times. Both my partner and I loved the name Robbie and agreed on it. And since learned that it means 'bright fame/glory'. My Robert is the brightness after the darkness of our most recent loss. However, since these Take That comments, I've been really struggling to call him Robbie without being reminded of Take That. I'm mid 30s and the comments were made by women who would remember Take That. I'm not really into music so didn't think of it. They are both traditional, normal names that can't be changed. My mindset needs to change but I've tried for months now and I can't seem to move past it. I'm hoping that by sharing this here someone will offer some insight as to why I feel this way, why I'm taking it so seriously and why it upsets me so much. Like my living sons are so special and unique but someone has mocked it/making their names common and not unique (Jason's teacher doesn't know of our losses but my health visitor does so should have known better). Thank you for reading. I do suffer from anxiety and intermittent depression so perhaps these comments were made during my baby blues stage.

It was my first thought when I saw the names and although I wasn’t a fan it will be the first association for most people who grew up in the 90s, much as if you had boys called Liam and Noel. You will get the odd comment from time to time so it’s good that you are addressing it now. I promise that as your boys grow into their personalities it won’t even register soon.

I didn't think of Take That when you first said Robbie. I actually thought of that Robbie on Eastenders! Think he was Sonya's bro?

I did however, think of the horror films when you said Jason.

It doesn't matter anyway! They're hardly bad names! You chose them for a reason.

I have a daughter called Mackenzie and I know some people judge this. Assume we're 'chavs' or purposely giving a girl a name that is commonly given to boys (even though it's a quite well used girl's name in the USA). The truth is, I just loved the name when I first heard it! You know when you're going through hundreds of names and liking a few, but nowhere near as much as that one name you keep going back to....?

Thankfully her name suits her beautifully and I couldn't imagine having named her anything else. She's definitely a Kenzie!

For all the TT fans attracted to this thread, this has been going through my head allll day

Op honestly to anyone making the association they will have only the happiest memories and positive associations. Those who thought the band cheesy won’t have known there was a Jason in it!

@SlatsandFlaps is right there was Robbie in Eastenders, and Robbie Coltrane, Robbie Keane, Margot Robbie….

And then there are your Robbie and Jason just as they are in their own right and named for the beautiful reasons you chose. I hope you feel better and the blues pass x

Sorry didn’t realise that would come out as a giant video 😳🙈🙈

Congrats OP. Ignore folk.

I think its more to do with having both a Jason and Robbie. Bobbie is always super cute for a little one though?

I think the name Robbie is really sweet and I would never react by thinking Robbie Williams. If anything Robbie makes me think of Robin Williams who I absolutely adore! It's just a personal association! I would try and switch off from it. People always have an opinion and boy don't they like to make it known when it comes to children! Just think of a really good put down next time you hear it... "who is Robbie Williams again"? 🙈

Thank you for all your insights. They've been very thought provoking and useful. Sorry for not being quicker to respond or responding individually.

I've definitely attached negativity to the association. Perhaps while being in a very fragile state after his birth, I was in some way looking for approval from others that we've chosen Robbie as a good name for our rainbow. So when these Take That comments have come out of the blue, I've automatically taken that to mean not only is Robbie's name being questioned, but now Jason is too. That it's all been done before and what makes you think your boys are so special, a complete put down. This is how I've blown it out of all proportion in my head. FYI, I have made an appointment to see a mental health professional.

Honestly, my first thought on hearing those two names was "oh, I haven't heard of a little Jason for years, it's nice to hear that name again!" And I think Robert is a nice name too with Rob or Robbie for short. I'm old enough to remember Take That but too old for them to have been that important to me. Now if you'd said "my two sons are called George and Andrew" that would have had an instant musical connection for me, because of the generation I come from!

You've been through a lot, and it's understandable that you're sensitive about these comments, perhaps as part of a bigger picture. I'm glad you are getting the help you think you might need. But I honestly don't think you need to worry about the names in themselves. They're both great names and it's only a certain age group that will think of a band, and probably not for ever. The boys' own friends will have no idea.

Why are you upset some people think of Robbie Williams? He was pretty successful and not a bad person.

If you also had sons called Howard, Mark and Gary fair enough but you don't. I imagine it was done to be lighthearted, with no intention of causing you upset.

Congratulations on your new baby 🎉

It's not that I'm upset with them referring to Robbie Williams. It's the fact they've mentioned TT because I also have a Jason. I am being OTT with the whole thing and I have attached some arbitrary negativity to it.

Thank you. I completely agree that it wasn't said with any intention of upsetting me. I've done that all by myself! I've been analysing (ruminating/obsessing about) the whole thing and think I've taken it as an insult to two very carefully chosen names.

I have a Robert, we call him Bob for short. I overheard my colleague saying she didn't like the name as Bob was more for an older man but we like it and it suits him. I also love the name Jason. Great names x

I'm sorry for your losses.

Unfortunately, Jason and Robbie together will make some people of a certain age think of Take That.

I don't think it will be a big deal for your sons because most people of their generation probably won't even have heard of Take That.

So this will be limited to you hearing the comment a few times.

Imagine you had two girls and you called them Elsa and Anna. Everyone would say, "Oh, like in Frozen!" and you might find that annoying and it might be a reason why you wouldn't choose to use those names together. But Elsa and Anna are both lovely names.

I think you might need to develop a bit of a thicker skin and shrug off the occasional comment you get. It's not as if anyone is saying there is anything wrong with the names Jason and Robbie.

If you were saying you'd named your son Ghengis and you were getting comments about it, that would be a bit different. But these aren't negative comments because people don't like the names, it's just a talking point.

@Petmalex I hope all goes well and that in time you find the negative associations dissipate. When you have been through all you have it puts so much pressure on you to have everything ideal, because you’ve been given this new gift - I bet names are not the only thing you’ve obsessed over… I was the same. Take it easy on yourself and surround yourself with support. Your boys will have their own strong personalities and pretty soon that will be the only thing people associate with them. Take care x

@Petmalex , I think you're right to be aware that ruminating in this way is a sign that maybe it would be a good thing to seek some MH support.

They're both lovely names and I'm sure the comments made weren't to mock you.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this OP.

Individually I wouldn’t think of Robbie Williams or Jason Orange but I guess as a pair I can see why it makes people remember Take That. I think that’s a good thing really - for most of their lives they aren’t or won’t be a pair and people will know or be friends with one or the other.
I was “Myname and siblings name” on Christmas cards etc growing up and really I think that was the extent of it? Because even as a child I was still just me as an individual - I was obviously in a different year and class at school to my sibling, did different activities, had different friends. I spent most of my childhood as “Myname”. I think the only people that ever said / called out “Myname and sibling!” were my parents.

Anyway- Robert is obviously a classic that is slightly dated now and needs bringing back .. I think it’s a great name. Solid, traditional, got loads of nicknames. If I were you I would introduce him to people who know you first son as “Robert” only. Don’t mention Robbie at all. That is your name for him in the house and obviously when he starts nursery or school or whatever you can put down his name as Robbie/ Robert but I would just keep it separate from Jason. If you’re somewhere with him alone - with his friends, dropping him at his class, at an activity just for him use “Robbie” but in the context of “this is Jason’s sibling” I would introduce only ever as Robert.

Thank you for all your messages! I'm new to MN and still figuring out how it works. Perhaps you are right, I wanted everything to be ideal and his perfect name was instantly 'grouped' along with my first rainbow Jason. Perhaps it isn't even about Take That specifically at all (because like I've said previously, it wouldn't bother me if people were reminded of Jason Statham or the argonaughts - which they were - or even Robbie Williams himself). It's the grouping factor that I've taken to mean negatively in terms of overlooking the individual miracles and blessings that they both are, and mere names (albeit great traditional names like Jason and Robert) have become overlooked. I hope that makes sense. It's like people have seen the whole first (TT) rather than the individual parts (J and R). And you are right, my obsessiveness is currently fixated on this issue but it's been fixated on other issues just as intensely.

Just to add - when I say names like Jason and Robert have been overlooked, I don't mean their names. I mean them as individuals; the precious miracles that they are.

I agree, I'm pretty sure this is a mental health issue - the names have made them seem less important/unique because they have been grouped in some people's heads (albeit only a certain demographic who will remember TT). It's not about their individual names at all - it's the fact they've been grouped which in my head has taken the shine/importance off not only the miracle of Robbie's existence but now Jason's too.

I love Robin Williams too. If it wasn't for the fact it reminded my DH of a bird too much, and if one of the only nn for Jason wasn't Jay, we might have gone for Robin x

I think you should challenge yourself with thoughts like "it's not the individual names themselves - it's the fact that together they become less unique because of the TT association". Most names have an association. That doesn't make the individual or pair who have the name less unique. If I had a child called Cameron and a few people mentioned Cameron Diaz, it wouldn't make the child any less unique. What about people who use two biblical names for their children. Lots of people will notice they're both biblical names - but so what? I definitely think this is some sort of ocd or pnd issue. You've picked two lovely names. All names have associations. If it wasn't TT association, I feel like you'd have found some other way to blame yourself for the names you've picked.

That's really not an insult anyway but also pointless because the group are still popular.

How long until the mirror prints this story?