name regret

[thisfridayfeeling]

I regret the name we chose for our daughter and I don't know what to do. It's gradually been eating away at me for the past 6 months.

I won't say what the name is as I know some people won't like it and will make me feel even worse about it. It's an unusual "nature" name and mostly used for a boy I think. That probably gives it away. I've got it into my head that it's too much of a try-hard name (this was obviously not our intention!) and a bit skanky!

She's my absolute world and I can't help feel like I've let her down.

I just don't know what to do. It was my partners first choice and it was also on my name list but I just feel like it was a rushed decision when she arrived as we hadn't properly chosen, and people were pressuring us for a name, and now it's too late!

I don't even know what I'm expecting reply-wise. Maybe reassurance that I'm not the only one who had a wobble about their name choice? I just needed to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone other than my partner and he thinks I've lost my mind. Will it grow on me as time goes by?!

[bloominglovelyorange]

@Myfirstbornisacollie
RoMan has absolutely boomed more than practically any other name. Been fastest rising name many years in a row. Not a local blip.
Here's graph of official statistics 📈 📈📈look at that explosion!

names.darkgreener.com/#roman

I think River and Wren work well on both boys and girls and are not try hard

[AliceMcK]

Have you spoken to your partner? Is it because you don’t think it suits her or worried about other opinions?

If you really hate it change it, she’s still young enough.

I had a slight wobble with my first even though I never considered another name.

Best advice I can give you, never ever let anyone else pressure you again when it comes to making decisions about your child. Your child, you take as long as you need.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

I hope it's Rowan, which is lovely, and not River which is REALLY not

[WeasilyPleased]

I feel totally opposite to Greyhound
It just proves that it's horses for courses OP. Only yours and partners opinions count.
My sister had the same problem with her first baby. She stuck it out and it suits them so well. She loves it 4 years on.

[unknownstory]

I like all the names mentioned and agree that the child defines the name not vice versa.
I like by DD name as it's uncommon but not that unusual. She suits it. We only know 2 others who ironically are similar.
I'm still not 100% about DS name and he's 11. But we have a wierd surname so it was the best compromise. And it totally suits him 100%

[MissCruellaDeVil]

If it's River there is a girl in the school I work in! It's a lovely name, boy or girl.

[PricklesTheHedgehog]

If it's one of these, please do keep it:

Sky / Skye
Willow
Rowan
Autumn
Brook / Brooke
Linden
River

[statetrooperstacey]

If it’s Oakley I’d change it tbh

[thisfridayfeeling]

Wow, I’m shocked at the amount of replies. Thank you all!

The name has been mentioned above and the more I’ve thought about it after reading the comments, the more I know I’ve made the wrong choice. I’m at the point where I don’t like telling people what her name is. It’s not that she doesn’t suit it - it’s other peoples opinions (which is silly I know) and more so how I feel about the name, how it will age with her, how popular the name will become in the future etc. I thought the name made me feel a certain way.. but it really makes me feel the opposite and now I’m thinking I should have picked a more timeless classy name.

My partner apparently loves the name. He really doesn’t want to change it but I’m not sure if that’s just because he can’t be bothered with the process. I'm quite indecisive anyway so he thinks it’s just me being me. I feel like he's really not taking me seriously so I guess I don’t have a choice. I’ll just have to live with it and try to put it out of my mind. It does feel like it’s eating away at the me at the moment though and I really do feel like I’ve let her down by not giving this huge decision enough care and thought. Maybe I do need to seek support as some people have suggested.

[Blanketgirl]

@thisfridayfeeling I really understand how you feel as I feel almost exactly the same. I dread saying the name out loud to others and when I hear people call their DCs names out I feel almost envious (even though they aren’t a name I would choose!!). I also feel like I’ve let my DC down for the same reasons. Please do speak to someone as it could really help, although it might not change how you feel about the name it might just help you get your thoughts clear.
Perhaps speak to your partner again and really explain how it makes you feel. I’ve done that with my DH (who also loves the original name) and he now understands a little more about how the name makes me feel he’s said we can consider changing it. If we do decide to we’ll be keeping the current name as a middle name.
The legal side of things is extremely easy, it’s the “telling the world” part that’s hard, but when I’ve spoken to people about it they’ve pointed out that while this is huge for the parents, it’s really not that big to other people who all have their own lives to worry about.

[Cornettoninja]

I think you need to go back to your DH. If you’re at a point you dislike telling other people her name then I’d be concerned about your dd picking up on this (no matter how much you try to hide it, people pick up on this stuff) and causing her some confidence issues.

I think it’s a really good idea to seek support definitely, but you’re unlikely to change your tastes and start loving the name. Keeping it as a middle name seems like a good compromise. For everyone’s sake I think it’d be much better to have a name you’re all happy with.

[Crunchymum]

What name would you change it to @thisfridayfeeling?

[RAFHercules]

If you feel that strongly about it then maybe you really do need to change it, you can't live with being ashamed of mentioning her name.
However, I would consider why you are giving other people's opinions so much weight. If someone thinks a name is "skanky" then that says more about them than the person with the name.
FWIW, I love nature names.

[bloominglovelyorange]

@thisfridayfeeling do you have your heart set on another name though or will you be having these thoughts about the next name you pick? River is lovely. Rowan is my daughters name and I wish I'd just changed it, too late now.

[bloominglovelyorange]

If it's other people's opinions you're worried about, remember you'll never please everybody. And also remember no one particularly cares what someone else's child is called. They have their own lives and worries.

[tickledtiger]

I love nature names.

[drpet49]

Change it. Baby won’t know.

[Pitavina]

Maybe you should approach it in a different way. Can you think of a name you (and her dad) feel more comfortable with and that you really wish you’d named her. If you can then change it to that. If not, surely you’re replacing a name you’re not sure about with another name that you’re not sure about.

[okhowtohandle]

I’d have a big I’d chat with DH and say you really don’t like it and really want to change it and it needs to be mutual - you can put the first name as an extra middle name.

Talk to your partner and say this is not you being indecisive but you really don’t like it and you want to insert a different first name that you both like rather than just him

[november90]

Awww OP I am so sad for you that you feel like this! Could you change her name and use her original name as a middle name so it's still part of her name?
You won't be the first to do this and certainly not the last! ♥️

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

I think if you’ve got to the stage where you’re actually embarrassed about telling strangers her name, it’s not the worst thing to look at changing it while it’s still not a big deal.

[BadwordMcGee]

OP, is it at all possible you have mild PND? Name regret is a lesser known symptom.

I love both the names.
I had name regret with both my children, one of which has a nature name and now I'm out of the fog of PND

[BadwordMcGee]

Sorry pressed send too soon - now I'm out of the fog of PND I love both of their names, and other people's reactions no longer bother me.

[buildingbridges70]

First time joining a Mumsnet discussion but I really felt compelled to respond here - I felt exactly the same as you for a while with my daughter (now 18months). Her name is Zelda and I'm proud of it now but I went through a few months thinking I'd made a big mistake. But I now look back and recognise I was going through some PND, nothing I needed help for and I came through it as life settled down, but this and other insecurities plagued me. Making a huge decision like this is always tricky, and people often experience doubt. Eg, So many women pick a wedding dress and then temporarily regret their choice. I really really urge you to try to relax, go with it, think back to when you thought about names, and when you decided, and ask your partner why he loves it so much, and listen with positive ears xx

[SarahJanes1854]

Seriously, CHANGE IT! I have an unusual name and I HATE it. I feel humiliated every time I introduce myself to the point that I avoid social situations. Honestly, I still seriously resent my mother for it and I will never forgive her. I wanted to change my name at 18 but she got upset, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Now I really regret ever caring about her feelings. If you think your child will not hate you for giving them a strange name, think again.