name regret

[thisfridayfeeling]

I regret the name we chose for our daughter and I don't know what to do. It's gradually been eating away at me for the past 6 months.

I won't say what the name is as I know some people won't like it and will make me feel even worse about it. It's an unusual "nature" name and mostly used for a boy I think. That probably gives it away. I've got it into my head that it's too much of a try-hard name (this was obviously not our intention!) and a bit skanky!

She's my absolute world and I can't help feel like I've let her down.

I just don't know what to do. It was my partners first choice and it was also on my name list but I just feel like it was a rushed decision when she arrived as we hadn't properly chosen, and people were pressuring us for a name, and now it's too late!

I don't even know what I'm expecting reply-wise. Maybe reassurance that I'm not the only one who had a wobble about their name choice? I just needed to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone other than my partner and he thinks I've lost my mind. Will it grow on me as time goes by?!

[Seaweedhair]

Hello, in case you do decide not to change it, just thought I'd let you know I had major regret on my DCs name and partner unwilling to change it. But my DC has really grown into the name with time, everyone says they can't imagine them with any other name and because they are such a loveable little character they've actually made me love the name over time too. When you have a precious 6 month old in your arms you do feel the weight of the world on your shoulders about these things. But then they become a boisterous, characterful little toddler and start displaying all their own character traits, suddenly a quirky name can feel quite fitting

[garlictwist]

@SarahJanes1854

Seriously, CHANGE IT! I have an unusual name and I HATE it. I feel humiliated every time I introduce myself to the point that I avoid social situations. Honestly, I still seriously resent my mother for it and I will never forgive her. I wanted to change my name at 18 but she got upset, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Now I really regret ever caring about her feelings. If you think your child will not hate you for giving them a strange name, think again.

I second this. I have an unusual name and hate introducing myself. This led to crippling anxiety as a child in new situations as I didn't want to say my name.

[loveandhope123]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. It's hard to understand the emotional distress unless you've experienced it yourself. At the end of the day, you deserve to love your child's name, so absolutely change it if you're uncomfortable with it. We changed our child's name after 3 months. We never imagined ourselves in this situation, but we came to the realization once our baby was here and we started using it every day. We gave it time, but it just wasn't the right fit. It happens and it's okay. We're very happy that we made the change.

[3girlsmuma]

I feel like it’s RIVER which has been said and I totally understand your feelings. It’s not that it can’t be nice but it is a bit over used now and you obviously chose it without that intention. I think you should change it otherwise this will eat at you forever.
How about a subtle change to REEVA
This is a pretty and feminine name and also not an over used name.
All the best with your decision x x
From a Mum of 3 girls. Ages 1, 2 and 4

[SarahJanes1854]

Trust your gut and change it. It really is not that difficult. You'll hate yourself if you don't, and your child might hate you. Please change it.

[SarahJanes1854]

Seriously, CHANGE IT! I have an unusual name and I HATE it. I feel humiliated every time I introduce myself to the point that I avoid social situations. Honestly, I still seriously resent my mother for it and I will never forgive her. I wanted to change my name at 18 but she got upset, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Now I really regret ever caring about her feelings. If you think your child will not hate you for giving them a strange name, think again.

[buildingbridges70]

First time joining a Mumsnet discussion but I really felt compelled to respond here - I felt exactly the same as you for a while with my daughter (now 18months). Her name is Zelda and I'm proud of it now but I went through a few months thinking I'd made a big mistake. But I now look back and recognise I was going through some PND, nothing I needed help for and I came through it as life settled down, but this and other insecurities plagued me. Making a huge decision like this is always tricky, and people often experience doubt. Eg, So many women pick a wedding dress and then temporarily regret their choice. I really really urge you to try to relax, go with it, think back to when you thought about names, and when you decided, and ask your partner why he loves it so much, and listen with positive ears xx

[BadwordMcGee]

Sorry pressed send too soon - now I'm out of the fog of PND I love both of their names, and other people's reactions no longer bother me.

[BadwordMcGee]

OP, is it at all possible you have mild PND? Name regret is a lesser known symptom.

I love both the names.
I had name regret with both my children, one of which has a nature name and now I'm out of the fog of PND

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

I think if you’ve got to the stage where you’re actually embarrassed about telling strangers her name, it’s not the worst thing to look at changing it while it’s still not a big deal.

[november90]

Awww OP I am so sad for you that you feel like this! Could you change her name and use her original name as a middle name so it's still part of her name?
You won't be the first to do this and certainly not the last! ♥️

[okhowtohandle]

I’d have a big I’d chat with DH and say you really don’t like it and really want to change it and it needs to be mutual - you can put the first name as an extra middle name.

Talk to your partner and say this is not you being indecisive but you really don’t like it and you want to insert a different first name that you both like rather than just him

[Pitavina]

Maybe you should approach it in a different way. Can you think of a name you (and her dad) feel more comfortable with and that you really wish you’d named her. If you can then change it to that. If not, surely you’re replacing a name you’re not sure about with another name that you’re not sure about.

[drpet49]

Change it. Baby won’t know.

[tickledtiger]

I love nature names.

[bloominglovelyorange]

If it's other people's opinions you're worried about, remember you'll never please everybody. And also remember no one particularly cares what someone else's child is called. They have their own lives and worries.

[bloominglovelyorange]

@thisfridayfeeling do you have your heart set on another name though or will you be having these thoughts about the next name you pick? River is lovely. Rowan is my daughters name and I wish I'd just changed it, too late now.

[RAFHercules]

If you feel that strongly about it then maybe you really do need to change it, you can't live with being ashamed of mentioning her name.
However, I would consider why you are giving other people's opinions so much weight. If someone thinks a name is "skanky" then that says more about them than the person with the name.
FWIW, I love nature names.

[Crunchymum]

What name would you change it to @thisfridayfeeling?

[Cornettoninja]

I think you need to go back to your DH. If you’re at a point you dislike telling other people her name then I’d be concerned about your dd picking up on this (no matter how much you try to hide it, people pick up on this stuff) and causing her some confidence issues.

I think it’s a really good idea to seek support definitely, but you’re unlikely to change your tastes and start loving the name. Keeping it as a middle name seems like a good compromise. For everyone’s sake I think it’d be much better to have a name you’re all happy with.

[Blanketgirl]

@thisfridayfeeling I really understand how you feel as I feel almost exactly the same. I dread saying the name out loud to others and when I hear people call their DCs names out I feel almost envious (even though they aren’t a name I would choose!!). I also feel like I’ve let my DC down for the same reasons. Please do speak to someone as it could really help, although it might not change how you feel about the name it might just help you get your thoughts clear.
Perhaps speak to your partner again and really explain how it makes you feel. I’ve done that with my DH (who also loves the original name) and he now understands a little more about how the name makes me feel he’s said we can consider changing it. If we do decide to we’ll be keeping the current name as a middle name.
The legal side of things is extremely easy, it’s the “telling the world” part that’s hard, but when I’ve spoken to people about it they’ve pointed out that while this is huge for the parents, it’s really not that big to other people who all have their own lives to worry about.

[thisfridayfeeling]

Wow, I’m shocked at the amount of replies. Thank you all!

The name has been mentioned above and the more I’ve thought about it after reading the comments, the more I know I’ve made the wrong choice. I’m at the point where I don’t like telling people what her name is. It’s not that she doesn’t suit it - it’s other peoples opinions (which is silly I know) and more so how I feel about the name, how it will age with her, how popular the name will become in the future etc. I thought the name made me feel a certain way.. but it really makes me feel the opposite and now I’m thinking I should have picked a more timeless classy name.

My partner apparently loves the name. He really doesn’t want to change it but I’m not sure if that’s just because he can’t be bothered with the process. I'm quite indecisive anyway so he thinks it’s just me being me. I feel like he's really not taking me seriously so I guess I don’t have a choice. I’ll just have to live with it and try to put it out of my mind. It does feel like it’s eating away at the me at the moment though and I really do feel like I’ve let her down by not giving this huge decision enough care and thought. Maybe I do need to seek support as some people have suggested.

[statetrooperstacey]

If it’s Oakley I’d change it tbh

[PricklesTheHedgehog]

If it's one of these, please do keep it:

Sky / Skye
Willow
Rowan
Autumn
Brook / Brooke
Linden
River

[MissCruellaDeVil]

If it's River there is a girl in the school I work in! It's a lovely name, boy or girl.