name regret

[thisfridayfeeling]

I regret the name we chose for our daughter and I don't know what to do. It's gradually been eating away at me for the past 6 months.

I won't say what the name is as I know some people won't like it and will make me feel even worse about it. It's an unusual "nature" name and mostly used for a boy I think. That probably gives it away. I've got it into my head that it's too much of a try-hard name (this was obviously not our intention!) and a bit skanky!

She's my absolute world and I can't help feel like I've let her down.

I just don't know what to do. It was my partners first choice and it was also on my name list but I just feel like it was a rushed decision when she arrived as we hadn't properly chosen, and people were pressuring us for a name, and now it's too late!

I don't even know what I'm expecting reply-wise. Maybe reassurance that I'm not the only one who had a wobble about their name choice? I just needed to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone other than my partner and he thinks I've lost my mind. Will it grow on me as time goes by?!

River is lovely, not at all skanky!

I think it's relatively common to have some of these thoughts OP, I know I did, but just remind yourself of why you chose the name in the first place, I'm sure it suits your DD perfectly.

If it still bothers you that much you could choose a nn to call her or even her middle name if she has one. I mostly get called by my nn by my family and it doesn't even have anything to do with my first name in any way, it just sort of stuck 🙈🤷‍♀️

I usually go for really classic names like Jean, Greta etc; but I'd happily have a River

Is it Willow? If so that's a lovely name and you could shorten it to Lola.

Hugs, I went through name regret. In hindsight, I was deeply depressed had zero support. I'm years on I love DD's name. I'd also say, name regret was the start of me second-guessing every decision I made for about ten years.

I bet it's a lovely name. Change it if it will help, make up a really great nickname and sing it to her if changing the official name is not an option.

That's a lovely and interesting message @AuntDympna

If it's River, OP, that's a gorgeous name and not skanky or try hard.

Just change it if you feel like this already. She won't remember and it is so easy to do. I did with one of mine. Very easy and cost the price of a new birth certificate.

If your partner really loves it, then they won't want to change the name.

If you tell us what it is we can help find a compromise?

River is fine! It's actually a really nice name for a girl.

Change it change it. My daughter is now 9 (years not months) and I have regretted hers since she was a few months old. I thought it was too late to change it then. Duh. I really regret that.

I’ve been feeling the same way about my DCs name. DC is currently 14 weeks and the name was my partners first choice and whilst I had initially liked it through pregnancy, by the end I didn’t and associated it with a lot of pain and worry. In my shocked postnatal state I agreed to it and it’s been eating me up since and I now struggle to say the name. I know I’m not well and have reached out for support with PND, but that’s going to take time to resolve and it means I now don’t trust myself to make a decision about the name change as I’m doubting every decision I make.
My DH and I chatted about different options of middle names etc. but still haven’t reached a final conclusion. Ultimately it is very easy to change a name before 1 year and I believe it’s not totally unusual to do, but you have to make sure you’re changing it for the right reasons (if that’s what you decide to do) and consider if there’s anything deeper going on. It’s also important to have another name that you absolutely love and think would be perfect if you do decide to change it. Hope you find peace with your decision, whatever you decide

I understand how you're feeling, it's horrible isn't it? My little one is almost a year now and I've regretted her name for ages. However, different to you, I chose a classic name. It just doesn't feel right, and when I read on Mumsnet that it's boring or dull it really does make me feel bad and like I've done my lovely little girl a disservice. I also chose in haste in that crazy period post birth and it was a compromise name between my partner and I. Like a PP mentioned, it's made me question every decision I've made since. No advice, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

@bloominglovelyorange

If it's Rowan then that's my daughters name and I regret it to be honest. If I'd been honest with myself sooner I could have changed it. I wish I had. Changing a name at such a young age is no big deal. Babies respond to any name you shout at them up to a certain age. I wouldn't say the name is 'try hard' though it's just very very trendy and too similar to Roman which is the fastest rising boy name and is BOOMING. In fact I wish I had tried harder so that's the opposite of try hard. I wish I'd picked a more classic name rather than one that's clearly going to date and I hate the seemingly inevitable shortening to Row.

Rowan is a beautiful name 🥰

It really.doesnt matter what we think. Whether we all love it or all hate it, how do you feel when you say it? No name will be loved by all. What name do you like?

I think it is a normal feeling . My ds has a fairly traditional, but not in the top 100 names . I love the name and always wanted it . However , it didn’t “fit “ for a long time . He was in special care for 8 weeks and it really felt odd when I said over the intercom that I was ....’s mum . After a year it was totally him . He is now 6 and I couldn’t possibly imagine another name .

I felt exactly the same for months OP. I now love my DDs name. I also suffered from PND and I think this was a symptom.

You chose it for a reason. Remember that

I also assumed River or Rowan as they're the main nature names I can think of that are more male but also used for girls. I think both of them are much nicer for girls if I'm honest.

How would your partner feel about you changing it now?

Is there a name you prefer?
I think it's normal to have some doubts about a name but regret is different and deeper.

@Fridaynightatlast, don't regret it in account of what people on here say. People are blunt on here because it is anonymous, and some love names that others dislike.

Old fashioned on here is probably ones that others will consider classic.
The trendy names will date

Is it Wren? I know that name can be used for a boy as well. If you really want to change her name, whatever it is, I think you should if it's causing you to doubt yourself this much.

My friend gave her daughter a skanky name (same, her partner really liked it), and everyone was commenting with raised eyebrows at the time. But now, the daughter is older and is a lovely child, the opposite of skanky and she has simply redefined the name. We all like the name now because it reminds us of her.

Rowan is a beautiful name
I don’t think Roman is that common, sounds like a local blip!
Hope you come out of this happy whatever you decide to do

It's an unusual "nature" name and mostly used for a boy I think. That probably gives it away. I've got it into my head that it's too much of a try-hard name (this was obviously not our intention!) and a bit skanky!

Why don't you just say what the name is??

What does your partner say?

Can you find an acceptable nickname? Or double-barrel her name? Or use her middle name?

You liked it earlier, what’s changed?

My first thought was river and if it is I actually
Much prefer it for a girl it's lovely