Those who are not married, does DC have your surname or the fathers surname?

[Sam2002]

Me and Ex split when DD was born. DD needs to be registered and ex wants her to have his surname. I am unsure wether to do this or not, I know he’ll be in DD’s life, but where our relationship is so uncertain I’m worried about giving her his surname. I feel as though I’d be doing it solely for him and his family who want DD to have their surname too. I feel really pressured or am I making this a big deal for no reason? I feel like giving DD his surname to shut everyone up. Any advice please?

We’re not married, kids have their dads name. I changed my name to theirs as well as I have no contact with my parents and wanted to cut all ties including sharing a name with them.
If I got on with my parents, I may have kept my name and given the kids mine too. Our surname is really nice though, my old one was very common.

No no no.

The child has your surname

@PumpkinsandTea

My child has her father's surname. I'm a lone parent. No regrets as it's about my child's right to have an accurate birth certificate. Not about what suits me

How stupid. Of course it would be inaccurate. You can go with a third completely different surname if you want.

Did you actually mean to use the word ‘inaccurate’? As it isnt the correct word at all. The correct wording you're looking for I think is, ‘No regrets as it's about my child's right to have a birth certificate which more accurately reflects patriarchy and misogyny.’

It's a pain having a different surname to the dc's. They don't like it and I still get called the wrong surname.
But I can't legally change it because its all about absent parents. Not the one doing the work.

meglethesecond with all due respect you chose to give your children the surname they have. Quite frankly you could have used your common sense, thought actually the children will always be with me whatever the future holds, told their father that as you are not married the kids will take your name. You then had the option of changing surnames if you got married. Your ex could even have changed his name upon marriage.
You can't expect registrars to alter birth certificates every single time parents split up. Blimey they would not have enough time. The majority of unmarried parents split up. Why take such a huge risk thinking your ex would always be with you and in The kids lives. Even married parents are at great risk of splitting up.

online no I didn't choose it. He was screaming and threatening me if I didn't. And post c-section I wasn't able to stand up to him, literally. I cried to the register office. Lots of women don't get a choice.

@Onlinedilema fuck me, you're a Debbie downer.
You don't know the circumstances around the children having the fathers surname. Women in abusive relationships may not have a choice

Please don’t give your child his name.

It can be very difficult when travelling to other countries….I’m speaking from experience here where I was bloody interrogated in Canada and thought they were going to turn me away.
My son also hates having his Dads name. His Dad is a rubbish father and barely sees him.
Give him yours.

You need fathers permission to travel whether they have your surname or not if on BC

The adults I know with absent or useless fathers all wish they had their mother’s names instead of their father’s. Some have changed them by deed poll, to reflect the person who actually raised them.

I've never had permission off their fathers to travel with them

Chose to put my surname and my god was it the right decision. He’s been a complete knob. Thank you MN!

Thank goodness for that (the name, not him being an idiot). I hope he’s not making life too difficult for you, or at least you can manage things and have support from elsewhere.