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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Did you take your family’s opinions on board when you chose a name?

85 replies

MilesOrOscar · 07/07/2021 08:56

Hello, DH and I appear to have very opinionated families when it comes to naming our first baby!

If they don’t like a name we are toying with, they will make it v clear they aren’t keen, like saying ‘oh it sounds like …….. and then adding a word that rhymes or sounds like the name. They are so overly opinionated / controlling.

It’s doing my head in! I’m carrying the baby, giving birth to it, etc etc. I think the name I give my baby is up to no one but me, and DH of course! I have seen posts on MN where someone says they wish they had called their baby the name they loved but went with the majority vote, which may have meant choosing a name they aren’t totally in love with.

Curious to know if I’m not being fair and I should take close family’s opinions on board.

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Original poster

MilesOrOscar · 07/07/2021 12:00

@periwinkle86

I’m not asking my family for opinions on names but I’m getting them anyway - a new suggestion every time mum and I see each other! I think it’s just part of them being excited. I’m just nodding along politely and saying “hmmm maybe” for each suggestion (unless it’s really ludicrous!). Mum did accuse me of being “too traditional” in rejecting some of her more out there suggestions, but I’m just trying to ignore it all.

I would say avoid mentioning any specific names you like if you don’t want to risk them ruining them for you. Maybe come up with one or two names you’ve rejected to suggest if they’re really badgering you to tell them what you’re thinking of - then it doesn’t matter if they hate them! But more of a problem if they love them, though, I suppose.

Exactly! What sort of weird family doesn't mention naming the baby, of course they are curious

OP posts:

Original poster

MilesOrOscar · 07/07/2021 12:02

@catfeets

My family were very opinionated on my daughter's name. They hated it and I spent a couple of weeks mulling it over. In the end I went with what I wanted. My mum absolutely denies she ever said she didn't like the name. My dad has never mentioned it since. My DP's mum refuses to use the name and calls her something else. We don't see her though, so it doesn't really matter.

Go with what you like.

Thanks for this constructive, helpful post

OP posts:

longtompot · 07/07/2021 12:03

We didn't even tell our families what we'd chosen for our babies names. They found out when they were born.

Original poster

MilesOrOscar · 07/07/2021 12:04

Thanks for all the constructive posts, your perspective has been v helpful

For those who took the time to post unhelpful comments, I really don't know why you bother, surely you must have something better to do

OP posts:

TakeYourFinalPosition · 07/07/2021 12:17

They have all asked!

That’s a bit odd!

DH was quite blunt with his parents that we won’t be discussing names. They were fine with it, his mum said they’d expected as much, and they didn’t discuss names with their parents either. It hasn’t been mentioned again since.

Might work for you, if you’d like to stop the conversations

RuthW · 07/07/2021 12:19

Absolutely not. Told them when she was born.

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 07/07/2021 12:29

No because I didn’t discuss it with them.

Even if they ask, so what? You don’t have to tell them. Or make up something horrendous to shut them up.

QforCucumber · 07/07/2021 12:32

They have all asked!

and when they do you say 'not too sure, nothing really decided yet' and leave it at that.

Worked with both of ours.

mynameisbrian · 07/07/2021 12:35

We mentioned the chosen names and they either liked it or not. Didnt care as we stuck to our choice.

Guineapiggiesmalls · 07/07/2021 12:39

I definitely discussed it with my family (and friends actually too), and if they were bored by me they hid it well. People definitely ask if you’ve any names when you’re pregnant!

I’m surprised at how militant so many people seem to be about only discussing it with their partner. The baby names board on MN always seems busy, so it’s fair to assume that people want input on their ideas and why not have that input from people you know and trust?

Phillipa12 · 07/07/2021 12:45

We only told grandparents the middle names as we used their names, they were perfectly happy after that.

Warrickdaviesasplates · 07/07/2021 12:50

If people are asking you just have a generic answer prepared like "we're still narrowing the list, baby names are so tricky aren't they?" I also find a lot of people love talking about themselves so you can always add something like "did you find it hard to chose something you both liked?" Which will move the conversation along. Obviously this will only work if they have kids already.

Or if it's people that have been negative about your name choices in the past you could just say "After the nasty comments we got from you lot when we mentioned names we liked we've decided not to discuss names with anyone and just wait until baby is here to announce the final name."

Readinstead · 07/07/2021 13:09

DD told me her shortlist and asked me to put them in order of preference and then showed me her order - they didn't match and some were red herrings ie 2 out of my top three 😁. I gave my opinions in the knowledge that she will ignore them and make her own mind up. If I thought I could influence her I would keep quiet!
My dad hated her 2nd ds name and gave him a nickname which only he used, luckily this amused my dd.
My dd's former mil gave her a list of names for ds1 and generously told her that she didn't mind which of the four she chose! Apparantly dd managed to decline reasonably politely - if I had tried something similar I would have got the Anglo Saxon version of no 😂.
It can be fun to discuss names and if I hear something I like I will mention it, but usually dd will bring up some suggestion made by her dp and question his sanity!

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 07/07/2021 14:52

Their opinion doesn’t matter. Wait until the baby is born to tell your family what name you’ve picked.

Chilldonaldchill · 07/07/2021 15:23

We didn't mention our name choices to anyone before our children were born. They found out after delivery. If anyone asked we just said we hadn't decided yet or that we were keeping it a secret till they were born. Mil hated two of the names and was quite rude - I'm glad I didn't know till afterwards.
Most people won't comment negatively once the baby has actually arrived...

Hadalifeonce · 07/07/2021 15:25

Didn't even enter our heads to discuss it with anyone. We just announced names when they were born.

Kanaloa · 07/07/2021 15:33

The only baby name conversation I’d have with them would be after the baby was born, and it would be ‘this is Jack.’

I actually did take name advice from my sil, I mentioned the name we were thinking of for dd5 but I didn’t realise that with our surname it sounded very close to a famous fictional character name. I was glad she told me, but she is nice and your family sound rude and overbearing.

WhySoSensitive · 07/07/2021 15:38

People are opinionated If they hear it beforehand. If you don’t tell them untill the baby has been born they’re less likely to be negative or rude.

Equally, call it what YOU want to. It’s literally nothing to do with them.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 07/07/2021 15:45

One word of advice.....keep the names ideas to yourself! Call your baby what YOU want, they will come around to most names I'm sure.

sarah13xx · 07/07/2021 15:48

The only person I was telling my rough list to was my mum and she kept doing the face of ‘hmm I don’t know’.. so I stopped telling her a thing 😂 We’ve had the name picked for a while now and it’s so much easier when you make it clear you know the name and don’t want anyone else’s opinions on it. My husbands mum asked if we had picked a name and then I think presumed we were going to tell her it 🤔 When we didn’t she then started trying to drop names into every story that someone has called their dog/cat/budgie/baby that she doesn’t like! If she does it again I think I’m going to snap 🙈 It’s no one else’s choice other than yours.. as I say, they had their chance to name their baby and it was 30 years ago!

MrsKeats · 07/07/2021 15:50

theDudesmummy · 07/07/2021 15:54

Named DS after my DH's late father's nickname. Did not consult with my parents or ask their opinion at all. I could tell by my mother's "hmmph" when I told her the name (before DS was born) that she did not like it, but his name is so so him and I think it has grown on everyone now, including her.

Lenny86 · 07/07/2021 16:24

We made this mistake first time around and actually ended up choosing a name some members of the family were rude about. This time around they keep wanting to chat about it, so I told them bluntly that they were rude last time, so we aren’t discussing names. They seemed a bit upset, but they’ve had their time to name kids and most of them picked boring names for their kids.

My friend also had her SIL tell her she couldn’t use a name because it’s what she wants to call her next hypothetical child

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 07/07/2021 19:13

why not have that input from people you know and trust?

Because I didn’t want anyone knowing, I wanted the name to be a surprise.

Because I didn’t want anyone’s opinions, as soon as someone wrinkles up their nose it would have made me doubt the name.

Also I didn’t need anyone else’s help.

Warrickdaviesasplates · 07/07/2021 20:07

why not have that input from people you know and trust?

Just because they're your/ your partners family doesn't mean that you completely trust their taste and want their input.

I was talking to DH about family names only yesterday and we actually both said that if we had to name our baby after a family member we would struggle as there's not a single name in either of our families that we actually like enough to give to a child, including our own names.

So while we may know and trust our families in some ways, we certainly don't share their opinions on what is/isn't a nice name and people who care more about their families opinions might be quite hurt if they made rude comments or turned their noses up at a name they really loved.

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