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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Did you take your family’s opinions on board when you chose a name?

85 replies

MilesOrOscar · 07/07/2021 08:56

Hello, DH and I appear to have very opinionated families when it comes to naming our first baby!

If they don’t like a name we are toying with, they will make it v clear they aren’t keen, like saying ‘oh it sounds like …….. and then adding a word that rhymes or sounds like the name. They are so overly opinionated / controlling.

It’s doing my head in! I’m carrying the baby, giving birth to it, etc etc. I think the name I give my baby is up to no one but me, and DH of course! I have seen posts on MN where someone says they wish they had called their baby the name they loved but went with the majority vote, which may have meant choosing a name they aren’t totally in love with.

Curious to know if I’m not being fair and I should take close family’s opinions on board.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

freelions · 07/07/2021 08:58

I don't recall discussing names with anyone other than DH until DC were born and names were announced

If you discuss names with anyone then it is natural for them to offer their opinion

If you don't want to hear their opinions then don't discuss names with them!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 07/07/2021 08:59

God no why even discuss it with them?

GreenCrayon · 07/07/2021 08:59

I thought everyone knew by now that the only person you share name ideas with is the child's other parent.

No good ever comes of sharing prospective name ideas with other people, they have named their own children they don't need to have any imput in naming yours.

PixieKitten · 07/07/2021 09:00

You're an adult. Why can't you make the decision without running it past family?

MissMissTorrance · 07/07/2021 09:02

My Mum said she did not like the name I was planning for DD.
Turned out it was the name of some woman she thought my Father fancied a million years ago.
I called my DD that name.

bananamonkey · 07/07/2021 09:02

Why are you telling them? They’re being rude but you’re inviting comment by sharing with them. Go with what you and DH like, no one else gets a vote!

NeedNewKnees · 07/07/2021 09:04

Hell no!

Don’t tell them until you’ve named the baby and they can’t say a damned thing.

Yellowmoons · 07/07/2021 09:09

Definitely don't discuss it with them. I have this time around and it has put me off a couple of names, so I've definitely learnt my lesson! Just go with what you guys like.

WavesAndLeaves · 07/07/2021 09:14

My DH told his parents and grandma the name we were planning on. I was cross as I wanted to keep it between us. Luckily his family loved it (or at least told us they did ), but he was under strict instructions not to mention it to my family, as there would have certainly been Opinions that I was not in the least bit interested in

BunnyRuddington · 07/07/2021 09:18

I didn't tell mine anything about names until the DC had arrived. With our second, "D"M still had a face like she was sucking lemons when we told her and made some bizarre comments. She had to be reminded that she'd chosen mine and my DSis names, now it was DH and my teen to name our babies.

HazyDaisy123456 · 07/07/2021 09:19

Yabu for getting into discussions with them about it if you know how they are opinionated or how they behave.

Naming your baby is a very personal thing. DH and myself kept the sex of the baby to ourselves and just said we weren’t sure if the subject of names was mentioned. It is a personal thing so if you don’t want input about this from family members then don’t enter into discussions about it with them and then complain on MN.

PS as you get older and have lived more and more names are out for one reason or another and the more people you include in the discussions more and more names will be out for one reason or another.

lollypoppi · 07/07/2021 09:33

No!

I learned quickly with my first not to mention names. When I had mentioned names to my mum she was like oh no, then she'd shout to my dad, she like Evelyn, oh no can't have that. What about X,y,z names she liked. She wasn't called Evelyn and I'm not sure if she put me off it a bit.

So no one ever got told a name again. We had her name but didn't tell anyone until she was born. What they going to do say oh I don't like that (well some folk might). Most aren't likely to say if they don't approve to tour face! Mum was raging I wouldn't tell her the name though 🙈

periwinkle86 · 07/07/2021 10:01

I’m not asking my family for opinions on names but I’m getting them anyway - a new suggestion every time mum and I see each other! I think it’s just part of them being excited. I’m just nodding along politely and saying “hmmm maybe” for each suggestion (unless it’s really ludicrous!). Mum did accuse me of being “too traditional” in rejecting some of her more out there suggestions, but I’m just trying to ignore it all.

I would say avoid mentioning any specific names you like if you don’t want to risk them ruining them for you. Maybe come up with one or two names you’ve rejected to suggest if they’re really badgering you to tell them what you’re thinking of - then it doesn’t matter if they hate them! But more of a problem if they love them, though, I suppose.

ethelredonagoodday · 07/07/2021 10:03

No, and we didn't discuss with anyone in advance!

Houserenoqueen · 07/07/2021 10:04

Don’t tell them!! Everyone has an opinion.

RedMarauder · 07/07/2021 10:08

No.

Choose a name you like and tell them only after the child is born.

It is your child not theirs. They had their chance to name a child/children when they had you.

In my case I did have discussions when much younger with my siblings before any of us had children about the types of names we would go for, and oddly all he siblings I had those discussions with chose those types of names for their children.

MouldyPotato · 07/07/2021 10:10

Don't discuss your ideas. If they offer suggestions just say thanks and leave it at that.

BiBabbles · 07/07/2021 10:15

Not really. I did consider family traditions, but I didn't give much thoughts beyond that - though I did laugh that on my spouse's side, there is a name traditionally given to firstborn sons which I liked enough for a first name, and they (including my spouse) were like no, use it as a middle name. I was more excited about the name and it wasn't even my tradition to pass on.

My in-laws thankfully had no opinions other than that (at least that I knew about) other than MIL didn't like if we discussed names if I wasn't pregnant (my spouse and I met in a writing group, so we were used to doing that, but the one and only time we did it with his mother around, she was most displeased about it).

My mother was very opinionated - literally every phone call and email after she was told, she'd bring up 2 names (and one was the middle name she had given me, which I'd always been told she'd just picked off the TV, so that was weird) and then she'd tear apart whatever I chose and go on about how my children would be bullied (projecting a little, since my sister and I were for ours, though I don't think she ever recognised that).

Bortles · 07/07/2021 10:19

No! Not at all. My DM hated my 2nd DDs name as she thought iymt was frumpy. My partner's Dad hadnt even heard of it before, despite it being an old lady name. DM is used to it now.
With my first DD I did ask my dad to contribute, thinking it would be nice as he hadnt had any input with mine, but he suggested Esther which was, quite coincidentally one of my worst names of all time.
So.. No. They get no say.

Lindy2 · 07/07/2021 10:19

No. I absolutely didn't discuss names with anyone other than DH.

Everyone has opinions on names and their own favourites. If you ask an opinion you'll get one but it's unlikely to match your opinion.

Wait until baby is born. Announce to everyone that baby has arrived and what his/her name is.

Everyone's response should be "How lovely. Congratulations."

If anyone expresses an opinion on the chosen name at that point they are rude.

OhRene · 07/07/2021 10:23

Yeah. MIL didn't like the name I chose for DD because she hated a family member from her childhood that even DH had never met, because she was known as the shortened version of the name (think horrible aunt Peg and our DD would be Margaret so not something you'd automatically shorten to as Maggie would be more likely)

I mean I did hear MIL out. And ignored it because it's my kid, I'm the one growing, carrying, birthing and raising it.

LetItGoHome · 07/07/2021 10:29

You and your partner need to stop discussing names with family. You will never find something everyone loves. And why should you? They have had their opportunity at naming their own children. This is your chance. Go with your own choice or you will always regret it. I used family names in the middle spot to make grandparents feel special but involved them in no discussion about it.

Ughmaybenot · 07/07/2021 10:33

Absolutely not. Currently pregnant with our first and there’s been no chance that we’d be discussing names with anyone other than each other. I don’t want their opinions, frankly, and if it is a name DH and I love, that’s what matters (my family have form for being rather negative and judgey too!).
It’s very easy to be negative about a baby name beforehand, but rather harder to be negative about a baby’s name to their little face.

Appletreehat · 07/07/2021 10:35

We didn't tell anyone what we were calling out DD until she was born. Two reasons - 1st, we wanted it to be a nice surprise, 2nd, I didn't want to hear other people's opinion on it! Mil didn't like the name and told us so, something along the lines of ' hmm I suppose I'll get used to it' I just thought it was funny. DH told her to she better get used to it, as thats her name & we all love it'

I don't get why family members think its ok get a say in what you will call your child...

I would keep whatever names you have in mind to yourselves. Don't announce till your baby is born.

LucretiaBorgia · 07/07/2021 10:37

They don't sound overly opinionated or controlling, that's just what people do when you tell them what names you are considering. Either just say what you've chosen, or if you haven't decided yet don't say anything.

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