Did you take your family’s opinions on board when you chose a name?

[MilesOrOscar]

Hello, DH and I appear to have very opinionated families when it comes to naming our first baby!

If they don’t like a name we are toying with, they will make it v clear they aren’t keen, like saying ‘oh it sounds like …….. and then adding a word that rhymes or sounds like the name. They are so overly opinionated / controlling.

It’s doing my head in! I’m carrying the baby, giving birth to it, etc etc. I think the name I give my baby is up to no one but me, and DH of course! I have seen posts on MN where someone says they wish they had called their baby the name they loved but went with the majority vote, which may have meant choosing a name they aren’t totally in love with.

Curious to know if I’m not being fair and I should take close family’s opinions on board.

Friends gave us the very helpful advice of not even letting family know about it! They announced their baby's name after she was born. They loved the name and didn't want ANY comments

I wouldn’t tell them any more if they are being difficult and controlling about it. My sister and I share names we like, but that’s because we both have an interest in names in general and respect the fact the neither of us have any say in what the other names their offspring.

Why are you telling them?!

Once you've told them a name, they're allowed an opinion on it. Exactly the reason why most people don't tell anyone the name until after baby is here!

We didn't discuss it with anyone.

Name was announced when baby was born.

I wouldn’t take their opinions on board though (unless you are planning on naming your baby Fred and they have pointed out your surname is West or similar)

no, never

if I had then DS5 would be called Yoda Shark, courtesy of older brothers🤣

We got loads of suggestions from both sets of parents, but we both smiled and said yes that nice, while completely ignoring them! Strangly both sets of parents suggested the same names, very 80's ones!

I did a lot of general baby name discussions with my 3 SILs though, because we had common interests through many overlapping pregnancies.
we all have the same surname

My sister put me off the name Gabriel however I was already toying with the name I did give my son which is also derived from Hebrew. It was my father in laws name, he passed before I met my son’s father and it wasn’t chosen honour him at all but because I absolutely loved it and still do, I’d have probably chosen Gabriel despite my sister if for whatever reason I’d decided against my son’s eventual name. His actual name is only known in the UK by ardent 70’s football fans

No I didn't.

Stop discussing names with them. Just 'announce' it when they are born.

Nip this shit in the bud or you will have them telling you how to raise this baby too.

We didn't give anyone the chance. If asked about names, we just said we hadn't decided/couldn't think of ones we liked and when MIL was suggesting names I remained non-committal.

As it was, I decided I didnt like the name we picked the day before DD was born so she wasn't named for a couple of days!

We didn't discuss names with family members for this reason.

We didn't even tell anyone face to face what DD's name was once she was born. She was nameless for a couple of days so everyone was sent a group text with a picture announcing the arrival of "DD's name" once we had decided, she has an uncommon name and our families are quite traditional so I really couldn't be bothered with the drama.

No, we didn’t share anything in advance.

My mum and I had a few discussions about names we liked just because it’s fun, but I had my poker face prepared and it wouldn’t have done anything to change my mind (unless she’d happen to raise a really big issue I’d not thought of)

No one else gets a say on it other than the parents.

Not really. MIL had got wind of son's name (after her father) and had expressed she didn't actually like the name much, but though it is what he is named officially, he's known by a shortened version day to day, and when we told her that would be the case she liked it!

My family were very opinionated on my daughter's name. They hated it and I spent a couple of weeks mulling it over. In the end I went with what I wanted.
My mum absolutely denies she ever said she didn't like the name. My dad has never mentioned it since. My DP's mum refuses to use the name and calls her something else. We don't see her though, so it doesn't really matter.

Go with what you like.

We won’t discuss it with them, we’re not inviting opinions. MIL has a very different taste in names to me and hates anything that can be shortened, so she’ll probably dislike the name, but she’s unlikely to dislike the baby when they’re here!

I wouldn’t talk to them about it; in all honesty.

I'm currently pregnant with DC3 and have chatted about names with my mum in a more abstract "I like these kind of names" way rather than "we are thinking of calling the baby this" way.

Dd has told my mum what we're calling the baby if it's a girl but as it's a done deal my mum just said "that's lovely" and later told me she had looked up the meaning and it was really nice. She knows better than to say anything negative once my mind is made up. 😂

We have deliberately not discussed boys names as we are still deciding and don't actually want family input.

With DS my DH did mention to his family what the name would be for a boy and his nan said "oh that's horrible why not call the baby David if it's a boy" I just replied that we weren't looking for suggestions as if the baby was a boy that would be their name.

Obviously DS was a boy and he now has that name, she might still hate it for all I know but that's not my problem as she had a chance to name all her kids (names I would never choose so we obviously don't have similar styles) and now it's my turn.

Yes my mum put me off Ethan she said it sounds like Ethane in her accent. Still yo this day I wish I'd went ahead with it

@DiaryofWimpyMumm that's a shame.
they are not pronounced the same way.

My mum & I suggested untranslatable Hungarian names like Gyöngyi, Megyer, Ozsvát, Csenge and Ajándok to DH (he's English) to wind him up.
I also suggested Táltos, which means Stallion 🤣

My mother seemed to think she had the final say on my babies names
Every bloody name she liked I ‘had’ to call my baby-her mate liked a name so I ‘had’ to call him that even though her mate had called her own son something different
I ignored her and by the time I got to baby no4 I just ran it past my bestie and she liked it so I named him that (my dad hates the name but has wisely kept his trap shut)
By the time I got to number 5 we didn’t find out the sex but had names for either sex
She didn’t speak to me for a week as I hadn’t asked her ‘permission’
I wish I was joking when I say she had to be told by her mate that it was a lovely name and she went round telling everyone she’d chosen it!
She had her time of naming babies-stuff her
(I’m now nc with her)

@freelions

I don't recall discussing names with anyone other than DH until DC were born and names were announced

If you discuss names with anyone then it is natural for them to offer their opinion

If you don't want to hear their opinions then don't discuss names with them!

They have all asked!

@PixieKitten

You're an adult. Why can't you make the decision without running it past family?

If you have no constructive advice to offer, off you pop.

@MissMissTorrance

My Mum said she did not like the name I was planning for DD. Turned out it was the name of some woman she thought my Father fancied a million years ago. I called my DD that name.

Thanks for the first helpful reply!

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

We got loads of suggestions from both sets of parents, but we both smiled and said yes that nice, while completely ignoring them! Strangly both sets of parents suggested the same names, very 80's ones!

Love it!

@DiaryofWimpyMumm

Yes my mum put me off Ethan she said it sounds like Ethane in her accent. Still yo this day I wish I'd went ahead with it

Ah shame! Sorry to hear that. This is the sort of useful response I was hoping for though, so thank you.