DH has vetoed my girls names because they’re “too middle class”

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

I’m gutted!

We have a son called Edward, I’m currently pregnant with no. 2. Pretty much got a boy’s name locked in but still shortlisting girls.

Two girls names I said I loved are Ophelia and Arabella. Both go fine with our surname.

He said no to both on account of them being too posh/middle class. Nothing wrong with the names themselves, just the association (in his mind).

He has a thing about anything he thinks is too middle class (even though he is, by definition, middle class himself.)

Can anyone think of names in the same vein that I would like that won’t offend DH’s ridiculous class sensibilities?

Other names I like are

Alexandra
Evelyn (with a short “ev” like in never)

DH so far has said he likes Orla and Georgia. I’m not into Orla, and don’t like Georgia.

Middle names Mary, Rose.

When naming children ideally you want to find a name that will neither define nor limit them. "Aspirational" names could lead to teasing/bullying, "frilly" names could potentially reduce the chance of a girl deciding she wanted to be, oh, say a construction engineer. The "classic" names do tend to wear well and travel anywhere; but you don't necessarily want to feel restricted in your choices. It can be a fun exercise to imagine an adult walking into a boardroom, or a classroom, or a nursing home, or a truck driver, or a whole range of other jobs (you are probably more imaginative than I am) with your proposed names.

I agree that both parents need to be comfortable with the final choice. It does feel frustrating when all your suggestions get vetoed, but keep working on it. We had that selecting a girl's name - I tried on a range that probably did include some "aspirational" (I can't recall what now - DD is just finishing school!), and quite a lot of DH's suggestions I had to veto because I'd had so many unpleasant memories from primary school.

And of course, don't forget to check how names go with your surname and what the initials do. We have a "difficult" surname that restricted our choice of first initial in particular.

Ironically, we had no inkling when our children were born that they would as teenagers end up in boarding schools where posh/aspirational names are fairly standard. But so are their own classic names, and actually there are a fair range of names you might not necessarily expect in that environment too.

I think your DH is right, Edward while "classic" is not rah/poncy in the same way as Ophelia and Arabella. I would expect Ophelia and Arabella's brother to be called Rupert, Peregrine or Crispin. Edward's sister is more likely to be called Sophie, Sophia, Lucy, Charlotte, Emily... or you might get away with Camilla.

You mentioned using Rose as a middle name, but have you thought of using it as a first? Rose Arabella and Rose Ophelia both sound lovely. Plus, Edward and Rose make a lovely sibling set.

Or maybe a longer form of Rose like Rosalie?

Other ideas:
Eloise
Clara
Adeline
Amara
Lydia
Anastasia
Imogen
Astrid
Flora
Elodie
Emmeline
Lila
Eliza

@Rachie1973

I love seeing Anna come up on these lists. My ‘Anna’ is 23 now and spent all her school years as the only Anna in her class. She loved it lol.

My not so lucky son Jack has a Felicity and Verity which keep popping up lately too!

Anna is beautiful, it was on my list for my recently born daughter.

@VodkaSlimline

I think your DH is right, Edward while "classic" is not rah/poncy in the same way as Ophelia and Arabella. I would expect Ophelia and Arabella's brother to be called Rupert, Peregrine or Crispin. Edward's sister is more likely to be called Sophie, Sophia, Lucy, Charlotte, Emily... or you might get away with Camilla.

I wouldn’t use Sophie, unless you’re a particularly big fan of the Royal Family.

It is clearly important to you so press your case with him.

Isn’t it also important to him?

That's a shame, I know an Ophelia , she is not posh!

Annabel is nice.

It's a Bit less pretentious than your first 2 choices

Who cares what ‘class’ a name fits into? People saying that they’re working class names or middles class trying to be upper need to get their heads out of their arses. How ridiculous.

Madeleine,
Victoria
Alice
Felicity
Vivienne
Suzanne
Ruth
Rachel
Julia
Juliet

I really can’t stand this anti-middle class bias some people have.

Perfectly lovely names, not made up, not weird or odd, not spelt ‘youniquely’, what’s not to like!

I’d remind him that as you do all the work and take on all the risk of pregnancy and childbirth, it’s actually you that gets a veto. And you get a double vote!

Aspirational" names could lead to teasing/bullying,

Really ? Do people really tease others because of their middle class name?!

The only names I've heard teased are silly names like Willy (William) or Bendy Dick (Benedict) etc

But beautiful names like Arabella?

Who cares what ‘class’ a name fits into?

People saying that they’re working class names or middles class trying to be upper need to get their heads out of their arses. How ridiculous.

I completely agree. Absolutely ridiculous.

I think Mary as a first name would be an excellent call, actually. Mary Arabella is good. Arabella Mary, not so.

I love Arabella. I'd dig in on that one. Ophelia is toooooo Hamlet for me. It's a character, not a name. Would be like calling her Madonna. I know what you mean about names that capture you as a child though. I love the name Araminta, from the book Moondial. Push for Araminta and he might let you have Arabella... ;-)

How about:
Olivia
Violet
Amelia
Sylvie
Iris
Lydia
Isla
Pearl

All go with Edward, other than maybe Pearl.

Or hit him with some mid-century Australian fossils: Raylene, Gaylene, Kaylene, Noelene, Narelle, Cheryl and Beryl! Good onya! 🤣🤣

Personally I like Anna, Harriet and Prudence, but Harriet is my favourite.

@Lizzie523

Agree with your husband totally. Edward ok but not keen overall

Good job I didn’t ask how you felt about it a year and a half ago when we named him then...

I think DH views Edward as being more “classic” than MC.

Other names I’ve suggested that he’s shot down are Ariadne (too fussy) and Lydia (can’t remember why but he said no).

I think what he’s trying to say is that he finds them pretentious rather than ‘middle class’. Edward is a classic name used widely across all society and constantly in use. I would say female equivalents are things like Elizabeth, Mary, Jane, Claire, Margaret, Catherine, Victoria.
I think your names are fine although I’m not personally keen on the sound of Ophelia. What names has he come up with?

I quite like:

Charlotte
Florence
Eloise
Mia
Natalie
Eleanor
Lenore

Lilibet
Miriam
Harriet
Emily
Miranda
Melissa
Phoebe

Hannah
Rachel
Sarah
Alison
Jennifer

Catherine
Isabel/Isabella
Sophia
Imogen
Elizabeth
Charlotte
Madeleine
Lucy
Louisa
Eleanor
Amelia

I love Evelyn pronounced the Irish way - one of my favourite names. However, if you are in the UK everyone will call her Eve-lyn with a long eeeee sound, which isn't as nice. A friend has this problem. She has given up correcting people.

@BreatheAndFocus

Alexandra Amabel (yes, with an ‘m’) Amelia Araminta Anna Isobel Odette Oona Christobel Florence Gabriella

I prefer the traditional unshortened version Juststiritoona.