DH has vetoed my girls names because they’re “too middle class”

[MonicaFaloolaGeller]

I’m gutted!

We have a son called Edward, I’m currently pregnant with no. 2. Pretty much got a boy’s name locked in but still shortlisting girls.

Two girls names I said I loved are Ophelia and Arabella. Both go fine with our surname.

He said no to both on account of them being too posh/middle class. Nothing wrong with the names themselves, just the association (in his mind).

He has a thing about anything he thinks is too middle class (even though he is, by definition, middle class himself.)

Can anyone think of names in the same vein that I would like that won’t offend DH’s ridiculous class sensibilities?

Other names I like are

Alexandra
Evelyn (with a short “ev” like in never)

DH so far has said he likes Orla and Georgia. I’m not into Orla, and don’t like Georgia.

Middle names Mary, Rose.

I don’t disagree with him, to be honest.

But Evelyn’s lovely.

He's talking about upper middle class; boarding school, horsey people. That's a teeny tiny proportion of middle class people. He means frilly and pretentious. (I like Arabella and can see why you'd be attached to it but it is the very definition of frilly names).

All my suggestions have been made.

The main thing is, stop coming up with names for him to veto.

You each need to draw up a list of favourites. Discuss, each cross out those that you dislike most, leaving at least five in each list, put together a shortlist. Mull over, discuss, agree.

OP I know you said Can anyone think of names in the same vein that I would like that won’t offend DH’s ridiculous class sensibilities? but i get the feeling that this is more about being sore about the vetoing than needing name suggestions.

I get that it's a disappointing when your partner doesn't like your top 2 or 3 choices. It happened to me when DD (now 7) was born. DH had very few suggestions but dismissed all of mine. It pissed me right off and i took a while to get over it!

What we did in the end was both write a list of names (in order of preference) not confer, and get someone else to keep an eye on the lists until we both put the same name. We ended up with a name i wouldn't have thought we'd have chosen in a thousand years, but at least it was on both our lists.

I think I’m with your DH on this one. Edward is a classic name - I guess girl equivs might be Elizabeth, Charlotte, Louise, Sophie etc.

Arabella is more of a Jilly Cooper / “overheard in Waitrose” type stereotype, sister to Tarquin, speaks 4 languages age 3 and refuses non-organic food (apologies to any Arabellas…)

I love Ariadne and Lydia though. How about
Cordelia
Miranda
Marianne
Callista
Rowena
Imogen
Juliette
Kathryn
Georgia
Erica

Clarissa
Marissa
Cassandra
Adele
Aria
Eva
Astrid
Xanthe
Anoushka

Thea
Rhea
Leah
Adriana

Or you could wait until the baby's here and see what suits her. Neither of ours ended up with our intended first choice. As the parent of an Edward I preferred Isabel (spelling variants vetoed it); dh Imogen.

DD's eventual name is on my list above.

However, if we were having dc now I think I'd probably opt for Magnus and Xanthe with Isolde as a preference but again tempered by the fact that our surname is complex.

I don't normally do these, but

Alexandra
Alexia
Elena
Helena
Ava
Sophia
Isabella

Be grateful your partner does not want to call your child Mercedes. That's what my Dsis has to contend with.

I agree with him, I went to private school with both an Arabella and an Ophelia and I think they're a bit pretentious.

In 17 years of having kids in state school myself, I've never come across either. I have come across a few Edwards though. I'm sure there are lots of lovely classic names that you can both agree on.

Oh, i should add:

We did look at each other's lists after arriving at the same name - just in case there was another compromise. Neither of us saw one we liked.

AND
in the end that's not what we went for!

While we were chewing over the name we had 'chosen' with the lists (for the hundredth time) eldest DD (20) walked in and casually said ''what about [name]?'' and walked out again leaving us both ..... Yes! Both love it!

So youngest DD is named from a brilliant suggesting by eldest DD with a second name from the miles long lists we did

@PomPomtheGreat

To my fellow Australians upthread, can I see your Charlene and raise you an Epponnee-Rae?

Aw - that's different, noice, unusual 😉

@CauliflowerBalti

I love Arabella. I'd dig in on that one. Ophelia is toooooo Hamlet for me. It's a character, not a name. Would be like calling her Madonna. I know what you mean about names that capture you as a child though. I love the name Araminta, from the book Moondial. Push for Araminta and he might let you have Arabella... ;-)

How about:
Olivia
Violet
Amelia
Sylvie
Iris
Lydia
Isla
Pearl

All go with Edward, other than maybe Pearl.

If the DH doesn’t like the name Arabella, then there’s no point pushing it. I don’t like Arabella and I wouldn’t call my child Arabella. Forcing the issue would only make me like the name less. Anyone can veto any name for any reason. Posing it as choice between Arabella and Araminta assuming DH will select Arabella as the lesser of two evils won’t work, as presumably OP’s DH knows that more than these two names exist.

Rather than coming up with names lists only for the other partner to shoot them down, perhaps going through the name list of baby names used last year will help. Or the baby name app I suggested earlier. It stops names being either ‘your name’ or ‘DH name’ and might feel less personal when a name is rejected.

I have to say, Edward is just 'classic' royal type name, more similar to Catherine or Alexandra, whereas Arabella and Ophelia are more along the lines of what Tristan or Tarquin is to boys - a little more pretentious. I like a lot of that style of names though, so no judgement - just trying to say I see your DH's point.

Girls names we have that you might like include:
Athena
Bronia
Bryony
Cassia
Cressida
Electra
Felicity
Florence
Imogen
Leonie
Lydia
Miranda
Ophelia
Ottilie
Saskia
Thea
Venetia
Verity
Camilla

I feel the less pretentious ones in this list (either because they're so common these days or just less in that style) are Felicity, Thea, Verity, Imogen, Florence, Lydia, Ottilie, Saskia, Cassia. Good luck!

My Grandma was Evelyn prononounced Ev Lyn not Eve Lyn and always got the latter pronunciation from people in error.

@MitheringSunday

'Orla makes me think it looks like "Oral" - apologies to any Irish readers.'

I'm not Irish, but I believe Orla is the anglicised spelling anyway. And I have noticed it seems quite a British trait to make abstruse connections between names and sexual or scatological terms.

Yes, it’s often “Órla” or “Órlaith” as the word “ór” is the Irish word for gold and the name means “Golden princess” or something like that.

I had to laugh at the comment that it made a poster think of “oral”, as when we were doing Leaving Cert, we’d ask “Have you done your orals yet?” meaning the spoken Irish, French, German parts of the exams held a few weeks before the written papers.

I agree with him that Ophelia and Arabella are a bit pretentious. Edward may be a "royal" name but it's fairly straight-forward and could be Ed or Eddie which doesn't sound pretentious at all. They are also very old-fashioned and remind me of a maiden (great) aunt born in about 1895. I also don't like names like Florence as to me it belongs in the late 19th century.

However, what about Arbella? She was a Stuart queen - I read a book about her years ago and there is a new book about her out now.

If I had had a daughter I would have named her Charlotte or Emma, but I also like names like Christine/a and C/Katherine.

as when we were doing Leaving Cert, we’d ask “Have you done your orals yet?” meaning the spoken Irish, French, German parts of the exams held a few weeks before the written papers

We use the same expression for oral exams in the UK (at least in England). I used to get confused about "aural" though.

I agree with your dp. Whilst Edward is a middle class name it is not showy or fussy or posh but arabella and ophelia definitely are. I like Alexandra though, it is traditional and middle class without being too much. It's similar to Edward in that way I think.

Harriet
Caroline
Beatrice
Margaret
Georgina

As previously mentioned, Eleanor and Elizabeth are classics and match nicely with Edward.

Would he not go for Arabella if you went with the nn Bella? Then your daughter can pick what to go by when she’s older and he won’t feel as pushed into a “middle class” name?

What about Annabel? Lovely and with a similar feel but less showy I think.

I'm with your DH on this, they're very Cath Kidston names. Mind you, I don't much like Edward either.

Grace
Elena
Sofia
Caitlin

There’s a character called Arabella in one of Enid Blyton’s boarding school books (I forget which)
Errghhh Enid Blyton was class snobbery personified.

Did someone say Ophelia is a working class name?? DH and I are both from working class families, and that name would be highly unusual in our family! Or is it a Southern thing?