Giving baby DPs surname

[FlowerPig]

So it never crossed my mind that baby would have my surname until I saw threads on here re the potential difficulties in not having the same surname.

Me and DP are in a stable relationship, we are engaged but marriage isn't something I've ever really wanted so we've never started planning a wedding. Only now do I think about it, purely so that I'd have the same surname as baby - to me marriage is just a piece of paper.

I am quite happy for baby to have DPs surname. Am I as mad as some of the threads make out or are those views pretty extreme?

Anyone got any thoughts/advice/first hand experience to share?

to me marriage is just a piece of paper

Yes, most important legal documents tend to be on paper alright.

Property deeds.
Employment contracts.

A marriage cert is a very important piece of paper that gives you certain legal and financial protection in the event of a relationship ending.

You wouldn’t write a cheque for a house without receiving the deeds.

@emilybrontescorsett

A birth certificate showing a child registered with a father's surname cannot be changed. It is vital that mothers know this. It absolutely cannot be changed. When you are an adult you can call yourself what you like by changing your name via deedpoll. Your birth certificate will remain unchanged.

A court agreed to add my BIL’s ex’s name to their child when the mother asked. He’s now double-barrelled.

I know someone who changed her name by deed poll when pregnant to have same name as her partner /baby.

Tragic. Gave up her identity for none of the legal benefits.

Just hopping on this wagon with a question for those who are so adamant that a baby of unmarried parents should have the Mums surname :

My surname is my EXH's surname. I've no intention of changing back to my maiden name, nor at this point in time marrying DP (although never say never). Should I therefore give DP's children my Ex's surname???

@HowFastIsTooFast

Just hopping on this wagon with a question for those who are so adamant that a baby of unmarried parents should have the Mums surname :

My surname is my EXH's surname. I've no intention of changing back to my maiden name, nor at this point in time marrying DP (although never say never). Should I therefore give DP's children my Ex's surname???

I think a person who felt strongly about this (which I don’t especially) would revert to their previous name after divorce and give any future children that name.

My surname is my EXH's surname. I've no intention of changing back to my maiden name, nor at this point in time marrying DP (although never say never). Should I therefore give DP's children my Ex's surname???

Speaking objectively, your current surname originally came from your ex, but it is now yours - just as much yours as it is his. Do you consider your current name to represent your own identity or do you feel that, every time you use or are called by your full name, it is within the context of your ex?

Put a simpler way: If you were previously called Sarah Smith and then you married James Jackson, from whom you are now divorced, do you consider every letter you receive bearing the name 'Sarah Jackson' to be intended for and relevant to YOU in your own right or is it basically something for James Jackson's ex-wife, who just so happens to be you? "Here's an electricity bill for JJ's ex-wife; here's a letter from the council about bin collections in my street for JJ's ex-wife; here's a birthday card from my Mum for JJ's ex-wife" ?

If the name now fully identifies and represents you in all areas pertaining to you as an individual, why would it be any different for your child? Where the name originally came from is just a quirk of history now - just as your original name most probably came from your GGGGGGGF, whom you never even met or knew; but you don't reject it or its status as your own name on that basis.

@Thefaceofboe

I’m shocked reading this thread as I’m not married but would always give my child their dads surname. It wouldn’t even cross my mind, I just thought that’s you did?

But WHY do you think that?

My OH and I aren't married don't have any plans to be anytime soon but the thought never even crossed my mind not to give our baby his surname

I'm surprised the question even comes up so often

My DC have DP’s surname, mostly I just preferred it tbh. No big reason.

It’s never been a huge issue - occasionally their school or dr called me mrs DP, I just said miss me and that was that.

I’ve never taken them abroad alone, but my mum has, with my DN - so her surname and two lots of D.C. surnames, DD went on holiday with an aunt once and a friends family as a minor (neither of the D.C. are now under 18) no-one ever asked for any letters of authority to take them out of the country.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who regret not giving children their surname, but equally there’ll be plenty who don’t... do what suits you.

I just said this on another thread too 😊 My DD has my partner's surname because I felt it gave him a lovely connection with her that I didn't need. We talked about it and I came to realise that it meant a lot to him and not much to me. I didn't need to share her name as I am her mother and carried her, birthed and fed her and that was all that mattered to me. My DP had none of that so 🤷 I have had no problems having a different name to her.
Do whatever feels right for the three of you 😊 xxxx

My ds has my partners last name. We're engaged but are getting married next year. Never crossed my mind for our child to have my last name.