How do you honour someone when you don't like their names?

[coffeebreakkkk]

So DP and I are struggling with this, or maybe I am since the person I want to honour is my mother.

However, I don't like her first or middle name. Of course I have certain attachment and positive feelings about them but in general I could not use either to name our DD. I am wondering if I should just put one as a middle even though I really don't like them or find another way to honour her? I was thinking the using a name with the same initial would be nice but I also think that's barely honouring her.

Any suggestions please? xxx

Use it as a middle name.

If you don’t like the names don’t feel like you have to use them, you don’t need to honour anyone in your child’s names. If you’re insistent though is there something similar you could use instead of the actual name

Is there another name with the same meaning?
Can you tell us what the names are and we could offer suggestions?

Then don’t. Honour her by talking about her, bringing up your daughter well, and embracing her spirit. You don’t have to call your child Edna * (Other makes you don’t like are available ) to honour her

Will she be honoured by it?
I ask because mine wouldn't as she wouldn't want a child now called her name if yyay males sense.

Why do you need to honour her, can you not ask her to do a special thing regarding the baby?

Interested to hear suggestions. If we ever have a DD we'd like to honour DP's Mum, unfortunately she has a very very similar (1 letter difference) name to my Grandmother who I absolutely do not want to honour in any way, and don't want people to think that I have 🤔

Perhaps a variant of the name, the same name in a different language, or a name that means the name?

Is there another version of the name that’s more acceptable.

Does she have a maiden name? Could it sound any good as a middle name?

That makes

Could you use her birth month if it’s May or June (or possibly even August, although I think it’s considered a boy’s name). I think June is lovely, but then I know a June so I am biased.

Failing that, can you pick a name from her favourite childhood book, or does her place of birth or where she grew up work as a name?

Agree with all PPs.

Is your mother alive? Would you ask her to suggest some names?

More options - use as a first or middle name a trait of that person, or a name that means that trait. Or a place important to them.

We amended the name and used it as a middle name, but despite saying they disliked their name the person we were ‘naming after’ wasn’t impressed! in retrospect it would’ve been better to use the actual name.

You don't have to do it with a name, especially if you don't like the names.

Honour her by remembering her with love and talking to your child a lot about her granny. Maybe think of something that you do have really positive associations with and find some way of including that in your child's life, e.g. a song she loved that you share with your daughter and make she she knows it's from granny. Or a place that was special which you make a point of taking your child to and telling her about your memories of your mother there.

But a name with the same initial? That has no meaningful connection to your mother at all.

Then don’t. Honour her by talking about her, bringing up your daughter well, and embracing her spirit.

Yeah I agree with this. Don’t saddle your child with a name you hate.
I don’t get the ‘honour’ thing to be honest. Your child will be a unique individual. Give her a name to reflect that.

Can you juggle the letters to see if there is another name using the same letters as her name?
Is translating the name into a different language an option?

We picked DDs name from a book that had our ddads name in as well. The two characters were very close and the person named after our dads (mine and oh's dads had the same name) was a kind of father figure. Our dads name is pretty bad, and also we had a girl.

Does your mum have a favourite book, or maybe there is a family name that she really likes?

So the names in question are Sylvi3 and J@net.

Regarding her maiden name it would be an option if it didn't have a foreign character as she's not from the UK. I know how much she's struggled with her paperwork here because of it so I wouldn't want to have our DD go through the same if we could avoid it.

And no, a variant of the name isn't honouring her at all. If you've spent your whole life correcting people who thought that your name was something vaguely similar, why would you want a child to be named after you with the wrong name? It's disrespectful.

I really hope this doesn't offend, if your mother is no longer with you, but, if she is, ask her what she would have named another daughter maybe. MIL was a Doreen but chose the name Elizabeth for us.

Janie? Janey?

Ouch! Yea not great names are they? Indeed one in a certain part of the country has an association similar to "karen" used to refer to a certain type of woman disparagingly.

How about as pp said her favourite female fictional character either from tv/film or books? Or the name she'd have chosen if she'd had another daughter or even just HER favourite girls name (if you like it too)

Neither really have good nicknames eiither

Well, I like the S name and I think the J name could become fashionable as a retro name. I'm only saying this because I wanted to use my mum's names but her 1st name was a complete non-starter to me and her middle name (which I did use) is one of those filler middle names. So everyone just thinks that's what it is. However, her non-starter name is now deeply fashionable and daughter wishes I'd used it.

Would either her surname or her maiden name (assuming she married) work as a middle name?

My great grandmother was a Janet who got called Jenny - so much so my mum didn't realise & called me Jennifer after her.