How do you honour someone when you don't like their names?

[coffeebreakkkk]

So DP and I are struggling with this, or maybe I am since the person I want to honour is my mother.

However, I don't like her first or middle name. Of course I have certain attachment and positive feelings about them but in general I could not use either to name our DD. I am wondering if I should just put one as a middle even though I really don't like them or find another way to honour her? I was thinking the using a name with the same initial would be nice but I also think that's barely honouring her.

Any suggestions please? xxx

Well, I like both of those names, especially the J one. But you don’t, and that’s fine. I think the idea of honouring someone by using their name is a bit odd. Just honour them by being a decent person and loving them. Jana is nice, though. You could use that.

Sylvie is one of my absolute favourite names so I would definitely use that!

If you don't like it, why not look up the meanings and find something with a similar meaning for a hidden nod to her name?

You could use the flower or gemstone from your mother's birth month. As a middle or first name

I like Sylvie too! Will your mum be honoured if half a dozen mumsnetters are inspired to use her name for their own dds?

If you use Silvana as a middle name it won't get shortened because it basically won't ever be used in day to day life, so that's your answer.

Favourite-name Silvana surname

Would she feel equally as honoured if you went for her mother’s name instead I.e your maternal grandmother’s name?

SJ= Sarah Jane

A modern equivalent of Silvia Janet

I love the name Sylvie & Silvia (the Italian/Spanish version of Sylvia)

Janae sounds lovey (jan-ay)
There was a character in Neighbours around 2007 called Janae.

That's a good suggestion from Twaddledee using your DM's maternal grandmother or great-grandmother.

Just choose names you like. Don't go lumbering anyone with a name even you don't like

I don't get how this is 'honouring' your Mum. What does that even mean ? If you want your Mum to know how much you've appreciated her love or support or the way she brought you up, then tell her, don't put some sort of expectation on a new human being that they will somehow be like someone else. That isn't fair on the child.

Back in the 50s my Mum was convinced she was having a bit. Hadn't even considered girl's names. Out popped one of my sister's.

Mum (to Dad): "What's your Grandmother's name?"

Dad: "Fanny"

Fortunately the other grandmother had a beautiful name which they used.

Having had second thoughts, and after you saying you don’t really like Sylvia, Sylvie or Janet, then I think you are struggling to do something that isn’t really possible. Jane doesn’t sound like Janet and Silvana doesn’t really sound like Sylvia, they are completely different names. Some of the other options (as nice as they are) are just too subtle, if you have to explain how a name is a tribute to someone then, in my opinion, it just doesn’t really work.

I had this with my grandparents. I adored them both and would love to have honoured them in this way but I just didn’t like their names and, try as I might, I couldn’t find a suitable way around this. Different names are different names and they kind of undermine the whole meaning of wanting to name someone after someone.

Sylvie as a middle name is fine, maybe have two middle names so one is something you choose on the basis that you like it and the other is Sylvie like your mum?

Don’t use Janet! I had the same thing wanting to honour family members no longer with us but in all honesty your kid won’t care. They will want a name that looks nice written down etc

I'm named after my DGM but my parents didn't like the actual name so used the French spelling of it. I've always known the reason for my name but there have been times when I wished I'd had the actual name as being more dated it would have been more unusual.

Must admit I do really like Sylvie though.

Silvana is lovely.

Or Sylvestra?

Sylvestra sounds like someone aiming for a girls version of Sylvester.

I really wish I'd used my mum's maiden name as my DS's middle name. It didn't occur to me at the time. Could you do that?

I agree about using the actual name and not a variant. Especially if it's in the middle spot, either of those names would be a lovely way to honour her. I think the S name is a beautiful first name too. I named my DD after my Mum. When she was born she didn't seem like the full name we had chosen and it just seemed right. She was so thrilled and I can already see there is a special connection with them which makes it even more beautiful. It isn't a name fashionable at the moment but no doubt will come back into fashion one day.
Otherwise another suggestion is naming her after the flower or gem of her birth month, there are some nice ones depending on the month.

similar you could use instead of the actual name

is there any possible varient to it? My daughter has the middle name Lucy, honouring great grandmother whose name was Lucinder, but referred to as Linda in life

Well I suppose you could go with a 'tree' type name (Rowan, Laurel, Holly, Ivy, maybe not Leylandii ) as a nod to Sylvie/a, but it's a bit tenuous!

We had a similar dilemma as XH wanted to please his (very ill at the time) father by naming dd after FIL's mother. Unfortunately, her name was Hilda - we ended up with Mathilda...

I'd definitely go with Sylvie/a (whichever's best with first & surname) as a middle name. It's lovely, & if she hates it when she's older she can just use a middle initial.

Sylvie is lovely!

My suggestion would just be.... don’t. She already gets to be your baby’s grandmother, and is around to fulfil the role, which is honour enough.

Both my parents are dead and never met their grandchildren. Two boys and, while we considered using my parents names, I didn’t like them, even as middle names, so we just picked names we liked! My mum went by a short version of her name which is unisex and more commonly male, so easily could have been used, but I just don’t like it. It doesn’t mean I love my parents any less. My sons are their own people with their own names. I’ll tell them all about their wonderful grandparents who they’ll never meet, when the kids are older, and that’s how I will honour them. I don’t see the point in forcing a name in which you dislike, you should love your baby’s name.