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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Major name regret, reassure me please?!

101 replies

hellosunshine5 · 13/04/2020 18:15

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever post - I’m a longtime lurker though!

I had my DS when I was 17. I’m now 25 and he turns 8 in May.

I was so young and deluded at the time which obviously had an effect on the name I chose for him...

And to make matters worse his name is also heavily connected to his Dad’s, who he has no contact with.

His name is T.J.

On his birth certificate it’s T (his Dad’s name) Junior, but he has only ever been called/known as T.J on a day to day basis.

Now I’ve matured (slightly Grin) I hate the abbreviation and just find the whole name a bit cringey? I dread telling new people that I meet his name and am actually a bit embarrassed by it!

Realistically I know there’s nothing that be can be done now, his name is part of his identity and I just need to get over it of course. But I just can’t help but think he’s gonna hate me for it when he’s older...

I would have such a different view on names at this age, ah isn’t hindsight such a wonderful thing?

Anyway, just looking for some reassurance that it’s not as bad as I think it is...

Apologies in advance for any offence caused by fellow Mum’s of T.J’s.

Smile
OP posts:
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Spied · 13/04/2020 18:24

Well I won't lie. It's not great, no.
Your ds I presume is happy with his name. It's who he is and am sure he doesn't even think about it.
If he hated it you could ask him what he'd prefer and maybe nn him 'junior' or somethingConfused but no way I would bring it up first and chances are he will never have thought about it.
I do think you need to stop worrying about what others think.
If in years to come he wants to change his name then he can.

Anon3742577 · 13/04/2020 18:24

OP, for what it's worth, my DP has a name very similar to TJ. He went to Oxbridge and worked in a prestigious/old school investment bank (he did use Timothy* at the bank to be fair). Do I like his name? No, not particularly, but it absolutely hasn't held him back. The Mumsnet idea of "high court judge" names is a load of bollocks. He'll be fine.

*Not his real name

VerbenaGirl · 13/04/2020 18:24

I quite like the name T.J.
Does he like it?

My DD has a friend called M.J. but at secondary school they made her use her full name - which she wasn’t thrilled about. Most teachers can be persuaded to revert to M.J. though.

FenellaMaxwell · 13/04/2020 18:26

Is the T name bad?

WickedlyPetite · 13/04/2020 18:30

What does the T stand for? Can he just use that instead?

TheWashingMachine · 13/04/2020 18:31

You have to tell us what the T name is - is it Taylor, or Tyler or is it Thomas? This is key.

QuillBill · 13/04/2020 18:32

I don’t think TJ is awful.

My dh had a ridiculous name and he changed it in his 20s as she said he could tell it wasn’t helping his career. His parents live in The Bronx. He’s very ambitious in a very dull industry. He said he could see people’s eyebrows shoot up when he introduced himself.

daisypond · 13/04/2020 18:36

Can you not use the T name? That is his name officially.

Weekday28 · 13/04/2020 18:37

Honestly dont stress about it. I worked with someone who had her first baby at 40 and called him ty pronounced tie. It would have been around the time you had your son so maybe these names were more common then?

Original poster
hellosunshine5 · 13/04/2020 18:39

Sorry no idea why I didn’t put the first name in my OP!

It’s Tristan...

I actually quite like the name in itself but I obviously just associate it with my horrible ex-boyfriend so it’s been tarnished slightly Hmm

OP posts:
ArriettyJones · 13/04/2020 18:41

If TJ is a nickname/abbreviation, then it’s not his legal name and he has options as he grows.

Does the formal name beginning with T also give him nickname options that distance him from his dad’s name?

PeepeeDarling · 13/04/2020 18:41

What does your ds think of it op? I’d be led by that

AngelaScandal · 13/04/2020 18:41

It’s a nice name in itself though

Pollyputthepizzaon · 13/04/2020 18:43

Just start calling him Tristan instead? Or “Tris”

ArriettyJones · 13/04/2020 18:44

It’s Tristan...

That’s a perfectly nice name. It also gives him Tris, or Stan as options. Or he could use his middle name.

I would just VERY casually mention at some point that you named him that way to give him multiple (nick)name options for different ages and environments and then drop the matter. It’ll be his choice as he gets older.

daisypond · 13/04/2020 18:44

That’s a nice name, though obviously it doesn’t have great connotations for you now. I’d be guided by your son. He might want to change it himself when older. Or he might not. But nothing to stop you introducing him to strangers as Tristan.

nancyjuice7 · 13/04/2020 18:46

Tristans is a lovely name OP.

What about Stan? I certainly wouldn't mention it first to your son, he is probably happy with it but if he ever asks to have a "new nickname" suggest Stan or Stanley?

Anon3742577 · 13/04/2020 18:46

I can see why you wouldn't want to use it but Tristan is a perfectly nice name so if he ever wants/needs to "posh it up" a bit for work or whatever he can use that (if I were him I'd probably drop the "Junior" and just go with Tristan Surname in those circumstances). On a day to day basis TJ is fine.

JamesNesbittsBrows · 13/04/2020 18:47

I like TJ. Cool name. One of my best friends is called something similar.
Does ds like it?

TheWashingMachine · 13/04/2020 18:48

Tristan is a great name. Call him by his first name, my DH who is very smart liked it for our son who is also aged 8 but we went with another family name.

FredaFox · 13/04/2020 18:48

I think Tristan is a lovely name, use it and create a positive connection to it to wipe out your bad memories

BabloHoney · 13/04/2020 18:49

Tristan is a great name!

Original poster
hellosunshine5 · 13/04/2020 18:51

Thank you for your lovely replies so far!

Much better reception than I was expecting.

DS doesn’t have a problem with it (yet) I don’t think, it’s just me Sad

OP posts:
BabyItsAWildWorld · 13/04/2020 18:52

Well TJ isn't his name, that's the nick name you call him and as a nick name it's fine.

But Tristan is a gorgeous name ! And he can choose to use that when he's older if he wants - but he can always be TJ to you.

Basically it's not the disaster you are fearing, so I hope that's reassuring Smile!

mortforya · 13/04/2020 18:52

U could call him "j".. The second half of the abbreviation.. Lots of boys are called Jay and I think its lovely