Major name regret, reassure me please?!

[hellosunshine5]

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever post - I’m a longtime lurker though!

I had my DS when I was 17. I’m now 25 and he turns 8 in May.

I was so young and deluded at the time which obviously had an effect on the name I chose for him...

And to make matters worse his name is also heavily connected to his Dad’s, who he has no contact with.

His name is T.J.

On his birth certificate it’s T (his Dad’s name) Junior, but he has only ever been called/known as T.J on a day to day basis.

Now I’ve matured (slightly ) I hate the abbreviation and just find the whole name a bit cringey? I dread telling new people that I meet his name and am actually a bit embarrassed by it!

Realistically I know there’s nothing that be can be done now, his name is part of his identity and I just need to get over it of course. But I just can’t help but think he’s gonna hate me for it when he’s older...

I would have such a different view on names at this age, ah isn’t hindsight such a wonderful thing?

Anyway, just looking for some reassurance that it’s not as bad as I think it is...

Apologies in advance for any offence caused by fellow Mum’s of T.J’s.

I've called my new baby Tristan, always loved the name, loved King Arthur as a child and stardust.

Try using the full first name and create happy associations with your little boy.

My partner's name is "TJ" - it might not be on his birth certificate but it's what I, and his mother, and his friends call him - so it's his name.

Odd. You make out like you’re being forced to.

You don’t like his name. So revert to the name on his birth certificate.

Tristan is nice.

Tristan’s lovely! You could always at somepoint ask him if he wants to make his name a little more grown up (especially as he approaches secondary school) and start calling him Tristan. He might quite like it?

Tristan is a great name! Could you change the 'Junior' by deed poll to something else beginning with J?

Tristan is very nice. I presume Tristan Senior is the person you don't want to think of, so I'd kinda try to move towards making your son Tristan in his own right.

Name change fail?!

Op and @Anon3742577?

Oh sorry @Anon3742577 is separate.

If Junior is on his birth cert I'd choose a name beginning with J that you both prefer and get a deed poll to change it. Tristan is a gorgeous name, TJ is a fine nickname but I'd get the J something better than Junior.

I like TJ!

It’s fine op!

I also had my child young. Thank god she was a girl, I was going to name her/him Brent 🤪.

How does he feel about his name?
You could get a deed poll to change it if you both wanted to.

I’m not a fan of TJ but I like Tristan. There’s one on Made in Chelsea if that makes you feel like it’s less chavvy. Maybe start changing what you call him and others will follow suit. I like Stan like a pp suggested - it might remind you less of his dad.

Thank you all for your replies, very reassuring

Yes he knows his name is Tristan but he wouldn’t respond to it or even register that it was him I don’t think, he’s only ever been called T.J by everyone in his life! I know it’s only an abbreviation but it really is his name as far as we are concerned.

And yes I’m ashamed to say that Junior is actually on his birth certificate as his middle name . What was I thinking? I guess that bit could be changed to another ‘J’ name pretty easily without any identity loss though, if he prefers something else when he gets older...

Really like the suggestion of reinventing the ‘Tristan’ name for secondary school, if he wants to of course!

Thanks all.

He doesn't need to change his middle name, he just doesn't have to use it if he doesn't want to (thankfully no one knows my middle name )

I've always loved the name Tristan! And also think TJ is not bad at all.

But I suppose it's down to what your son would like to be called...

At least it's not Humphrey or something x

Don't change Junior! You don't even use the second name except as an initial so it would just be weird. He has a great name, plus a nickname that he likes - I think you'll just have to leave it up to him to decide if he wants to use his first name instead.

Stan is quite nice and rather cool for when he’s a teenager.

My ds is not called by his full Christian name by his friends or teachers. Think James but everyone calls him Jimbo.
I'm the only one calls him James, my point is, no matter what you called your son who is to say, his friends or peers or himself, wouldn't shorten it.
Also if you changed his name now what's to say in 8 years time you won't have matured even more and dislike the 'new' name.

Tristan is lovely OP. I know several adults who go by initials - MJ, DJ, CJ and yes, TJ in professional jobs.

If he ends up working in a creative industry, for example he may well want to go by TJ.

Equally, if he wants to he can put himself down as Tristan Smith on his CV, or Tristan J Smith.

If he dislikes being Junior when he's older he can change Junior by deed poll to James, Jacob, John, Jay, Josiah, Joseph, Jago or any other name which begins with J and keep TJ as a nickname.

I think you actually have the best of both worlds. Tristan is just the most wonderful name, and it will serve him well, wherever life takes him. T.J. is a really cool nickname, which is nice while he’s young. It probably is a name that you may not have picked had you been older, but be proud of yourself - not everyone could have a baby at seventeen with no help from the father. Don’t feel embarrassed. Maybe read the story of Tristan and Isolde to him, to lessen your unhappy association of the name just belonging to his father.

Tristan is far far better than TJ. To be fair, most names would be.

Tristan is lovely, just introduce him as that. Keep Tj as his nn

If you start calling him Tristan then soon enough it will just be his name and won't make you think of your ex at all.