Major name regret, reassure me please?!

[hellosunshine5]

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever post - I’m a longtime lurker though!

I had my DS when I was 17. I’m now 25 and he turns 8 in May.

I was so young and deluded at the time which obviously had an effect on the name I chose for him...

And to make matters worse his name is also heavily connected to his Dad’s, who he has no contact with.

His name is T.J.

On his birth certificate it’s T (his Dad’s name) Junior, but he has only ever been called/known as T.J on a day to day basis.

Now I’ve matured (slightly ) I hate the abbreviation and just find the whole name a bit cringey? I dread telling new people that I meet his name and am actually a bit embarrassed by it!

Realistically I know there’s nothing that be can be done now, his name is part of his identity and I just need to get over it of course. But I just can’t help but think he’s gonna hate me for it when he’s older...

I would have such a different view on names at this age, ah isn’t hindsight such a wonderful thing?

Anyway, just looking for some reassurance that it’s not as bad as I think it is...

Apologies in advance for any offence caused by fellow Mum’s of T.J’s.

Sorry to hear this OP! I’m dealing with name regret wobbles myself so I know where you’re coming from.

Tristan is lovely but I understand not wanting to use it due to the association with your ex.

In your place I’d try to move towards using “Jay” day to day. I like that — I think of The Great Gatsby and the bluejay bird. Cool and not common.

I love the name Tristan, it was my first choice for DS (but it had negative connotations for my DM so went with something else in the end).

Tristan is absolutely lovely, maybe start using it in a jokey way and see if it sticks. He's 8 though so any change of name will have to come from him.

Tristan is a great name ! TJ is also sweet. Don't worry you did good. When he is older he also has a choice.

I have a female adult friend called TJ.

👋🏻 just in case! But she won't be on here. She's still living the very cool skiing, jet setting lifestyle (well was until February!)

Her first name is unusual but her second name is very 'plain'. But no one except her Mother calls her anything but TJ.

Yes 'Daddy's Name Junior' is a bit cringe, but you were young & if that's the worst you've done so far bringing him up, then be massively proud of yourself!

It's easy to change your name bybdeed poll, so he can dontgat later if he wants to & if HE really wants to he can use Tristan anytime he likes, but TJ is perfectly fine! Stop worrying 🌷

And... he doesn't have to spend half his life spelling it or correcting the pronunciation 🤣

its a cute nickname and hes got a nice formal name if he wants.

you did good!

Tristan is lovely and I agree that Tris is an acceptable nickname, but if he's TJ, he's TJ. I would always tell people that asked that your son's name is Tristan, because it's true. DH had a nickname, which is the only name we use when talking to him, but he still introduces himself as his full name.

Tristan is a really nice name. Like the suggestion for Stan too. You don't have to explain your reasoning to anyone unless you want to.

I quite like it.

DJ in Roseanne was Dan Junior. They shortened it further to Deej.

I knew a young man who had initials for his name, he had a hyphenated first name that didn't flow, think Thomas-James (oh just realised that abbreviates to TJ , but that wasn't his name, honest!) so you got the impression his parents had chosen it specifically so that the initials would be used.

And I like Tristan. I loved the character of Tristan in the James Herriot books.

If he's called TJ and he likes it, then you have to stick with it.
You can't just change his name at age 8.

It's fine as it is, honest.

Tristan is a really lovely name. Personally I think initial nicknames are quite cool. I like TJ. I don’t think you need to do anything

When he’s older you could talk to him about changing the middle name if he wants to.

I really don’t agree with the posters saying to just start calling him Tristan or introducing him as Tristan... the poor boy has been TJ for the last 8 years, if he’s happy then leave him be!

I think TJ is quite sweet actually OP, and Tristan is a lovely name should he want something a bit more grown up in the future. Please try not to worry!

I’ve always thought calling people by their initials was a ‘posh-boy from private school’ type thing to do.

(I’m quite common though and don’t know many posh people)

My personal trainer is a TJ and I've always thought how nice his name is! I love the name Tristan too, so your DS has a great back up if he wants to use it.

Personally i think T. J is quite a cool name, definitely better then all these strange new names

Can't you introduce him as Tristan? That's a perfectly nice name. Start calling him Tristan now and then so he gets used to it.

DS, now adult, has friend called TJ. He has a perfectly sensible pair of names but has always been TJ to everyone. It'd be a bit odd calling him anything else as that's his name. It really hasn't held him back at all. That's your son's name and his identity so stop worrying.

If he wants to be Tristan that has to be his choice.

Just change his name.

8 isn’t too old.

Don’t regret something for decades that you could change quickly now.

I wouldn't worry about Junior! People have worse middle names.

TJ is not that bad. I like Tristan. Let him grow in to it by using it very occasionally. Just drip drip it in a little, gently.

Taught a TJ, lovely boy. Everyone called him Teej. I've heard far worse!

I really do like both TJ and Tristran.

He's old enough to share his feelings and thoughts with you and decide whether he prefers just Tristan or to continue being TJ, I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to continue being called his name.

I can understand having a regret because of the connection to your ex, but I really wouldn't worry about what others think when you introduce him. What kind of a dick would think less of/treat you or your kid dismissively because of a perfectly acceptable name? It's not as though he's a Hitler Bundy.

Just change his name.

8 isn’t too old.

Don’t regret something for decades that you could change quickly now.

I really hope by ‘change his name’ you mean start calling him Tristan. I think that’s quite unfair given he’s used to being TJ, but actually changing the name of a child to something different when they are happy with their name is bordering on emotional abuse...

I really like Tristan! And not many around.The abbreviation is cute. If he was just TJ as his real name I would have felt different.

I would think about changing the middle name Junior to the name Jay by deed poll. So he's no longer named completely after his father, he's still TJ (Tristan Jay!) and you haven't changed his name, either.

I would definitely try and encourage Tristan at secondary school, or now if you can. TJ is a bit embarrassing, sorry.