Major name regret, reassure me please?!

[hellosunshine5]

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever post - I’m a longtime lurker though!

I had my DS when I was 17. I’m now 25 and he turns 8 in May.

I was so young and deluded at the time which obviously had an effect on the name I chose for him...

And to make matters worse his name is also heavily connected to his Dad’s, who he has no contact with.

His name is T.J.

On his birth certificate it’s T (his Dad’s name) Junior, but he has only ever been called/known as T.J on a day to day basis.

Now I’ve matured (slightly ) I hate the abbreviation and just find the whole name a bit cringey? I dread telling new people that I meet his name and am actually a bit embarrassed by it!

Realistically I know there’s nothing that be can be done now, his name is part of his identity and I just need to get over it of course. But I just can’t help but think he’s gonna hate me for it when he’s older...

I would have such a different view on names at this age, ah isn’t hindsight such a wonderful thing?

Anyway, just looking for some reassurance that it’s not as bad as I think it is...

Apologies in advance for any offence caused by fellow Mum’s of T.J’s.

When people ask you what his name is say - Tristan but we call him TJ.

Tristan is fine.

Does he know his name is Tristan?

Drop the Junior and call him Tristan, and then it is HIS name, not a diminutive if his father.

I work with 2 men commonly known by their initials. Both professional (Jean Paul and similar).

I dont see the problem. Tristan is a perfectly respectable name he can use for job applications, etc. TJ is just a nickname. If he likes it when he gets older, no harm done. If not he can revert to Tristan or another abbreviation.

Dont worry

I think Tristan is a really lovely name! So you could just use that. I know a grown up Tris.

Also know two TJs - one in my son's class at school and one in my older daughter's. Both fine as a name I think. I don't know what either stands for!

TJ is an abbreviation
It’s not his name OP. How bizarre you think it is.

Tristan, whilst not a name I like, is perfectly acceptable and in no way would trigger anyone to think “odd name”.

Tomorrow - start peppering chat with your son with name drops of “Tristan”. Build slowly. Encourage close family to do the same. At parents evenings, call him Tristan. It will catch on

Tristan is a lovely name. I know it has less than great associations but it may be that eventually those associations might fade as it becomes more your son's name and less your ex's.

It will be slightly awkward to transition away from a nickname but it's probably just the right age to do it. He's young enough that he'll get used to it quickly and old enough that you can explain "that was your baby nickname, but you're becoming a big boy now" or something like that.

But only if you want and it's something you're comfortable with.

I agree with you in that TJ isn't too great but really he's got loads of choice! Tristan is a lovely name and really, loads of teens love an abbreviation so he may well want to stick with TJ when he's a bit older. Don't worry too much, just highlight that he can choose what he wants to be called and whether that be TJ, Tristan, Tris or whatever, that you'd support him. Don't worry too much

As long as you’re not the owner of the car in my work car park with the personalised number plate ‘TJS MOM’ ... If it’s you then I don’t know what to say! But seriously, I work with a TJ where the T is short for Timothy (and no it’s not his mom’s car) who is very successful and very well respected. I think it’s a cool nickname and I really like Tristan too. And given the age of your son it’s up to him really and it would be a bit awkward if you started calling himself something else unless he was the one who suggested it. Hopefully the association with your shitty ex will fade in time and you’ll think of it primarily as your son’s name.

I quite like Tristan. I get why you don't like the connotations especially with the junior but. But as he gets older he will probably drop the junior and use just tristan or tris.

TJ is an abbreviation
It’s not his name OP. How bizarre you think it is.

Give over @Bringringbring12 My partner's name is "TJ" - it might not be on his birth certificate but it's what I, and his mother, and his friends call him - so it's his name.

I think both Tristan and TJ are fine. When he goes to secondary is a good point for him to use his more formal name if that’s what he wants.

Tristan is a nice name OP.

Tristan is bloody lovely! Start using it, I'm sure as your son grows into a man and achieves all sorts throughout his life you'll forget the teenage mistake that was your choice of a wastrel of a man and start associating 'Tristan' much more with your wonderful son.

I know a very well to do Tristan. It's actually a classic name. And there's nothing wrong with TJ if he has the chance to use Tristan when he's older.

I think what's bothering you is the memory of a presumably less than ideal Tristan and that is colouring your view, understandably. try to separate the two though and let your son develop his own identity.

Btw, do you mean 'Junior' appears as a middle name on his birth cert? Idk how the jr thing works, I always figured it was an informal add-on by family etc.

I think Tristan is a fab name. And as a PP said, TJ isn’t his name its his nickname. He has lots of scope if he wants to change the TJ to something more formal. You could ask him if he’s ok with TJ because you don’t mind if he wants to be called Tristan or Stan or Tris or whatever and see what he says?

I have an Andrew junior and everyone calls him AJ, I hated it but hey ho it's stuck and it suits him. He can always call himself Andrew whenever he wants

Tristan is a lovely name! I thought you were going to say it was Tyson or something.

Agree with a PP in that dropping the J for Junior should be a really positive thing, that he is called Tristan in his own right.

You could ask him how he feels about going by a more grown up name and see what he says. It would be harder to transition once he’s started secondary school.

Tristan is a really lovely name, and I agree he could use Tris.

I love the name Tristan. He will always have the choice of Tristan or TJ which is good.

It's his name. Tristan is fine. Junior is a bit hmm but it's his name and it could have been a lot worse. If he's not bothered, don't worry about it.

TJ is a nice name imo ! Also, you named him Tristan which I love so please don’t worry. When he’s older he can go by Tristan if he wants.

Even if others don’t love it, there’s nothing offensive about TJ at all!

I get you don't like the associated with your ex, but I think you just have to get over that. But TJ and Tristan are both fine in my opinion. TJ to friends, Tristan in more formal situations.

Ah Tristan is a gorgeous name with great alternative nickname potential. I'd just try dropping alternative nicknames in, as others have said occasionally call him Tris or Stan. As he gets older he might start preferring one, but his choice might be to stick with TJ!

Hmmm.... FWIW, I like the name Tristan.

Am I right in understanding that he doesn't have a middle name at all (that the J purely refers to Junior)? If that's the case then maybe ask your DS what name he likes that begins with J. You could get that added as a middle name. Then the link to your ex, and the fact that your DS is technically a junior, is less obvious within his name.

Tristan Joshua
Tristan James
Tristan Joseph
Tristan Joel

... as suggestions.