Would you warn a mum that your baby will share a name with hers?

[OddshoesOddsocks]

Dp and I have discussed names since starting TTC around May last year. We really struggle to agree on names but 1 stood out and came top of the list. Now due a dd in April of this year and that name has stuck so it’s looking like that’s what we’ll go with.

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Fast forward to maybe August/September last year and a new family move in over the road. Their eldest goes to the village school with mine and their youngest is just turned 1. Youngest has the same name as is intended for dd.

I wouldn’t say we are friends but we are friendly on the school run etc. Due to the nature of the school, it is likely that the 2 girls will share a classroom although will obviously be different year groups.

Would you mention it beforehand to her? I can imagine past me may have been a bit peeved at my baby having to share a name with another so close and i don’t want her to think we are copying.

No, I wouldn’t. Your baby, your rules

Nope. It risks making a bigger deal of it than it is.

Name your baby and then when you bump into the neighbours and they comment on the name you can mention in passing that the name was decided months ago, and you obviously share great taste in names or some such nicety.

Honestly no one except you cares what your babies name is I'm
Afraid.

"Warn her"? Why does she need a warning about a name? What might she do if she isn't warned?

I think the clue here is "I wouldn't say we are friends"......close friends and relatives, I think you should mention it or avoid that name, but neighbours that you walk to school with, no.

Is it really that unusual a name? Lots of names that we think are a bit different turn out to be quite popular after a couple of years so there will be a few more in the school eventually.

Yeah, 20viona that's why there are about sixty thousand threads on mumsnet (other parenting forums are available, and it's exactly the same on those) where mothers are 'furious', 'heartbroken', 'devastated' or some other hyperbolic expression because another set of parents have DARED choose the same name as they have/want to.

If the little girl over the road has the name it’s probably not as uncommon as you think. These things are cyclical and maybe there may well be a couple of children with the same name.

I actually would mention it but can see I’m in the minority! I’d just feel happier about the whole situation (not that it’s a big deal) to do it that wag

By uncommon I mean it’s not the kind of Sophie, Olivia, Florence name that there’s several of in each school. It’s uncommon enough to seem like the parents have made the effort to pick something a bit different to avoid other children having the same name, if that makes sense?

Maybe they don’t @20viona, I’m just seeing it through the eyes of myself 9 years ago when picking dd1s purposefully unusual name. I’d have been a bit peeved although would have no real right to be.

Maybe I’ll go for that @INeedNewShoes, I just don’t want her to think we were copying!
I wondered if it was common courtesy to mention it or if I should just keep quiet as it won’t change anything...

To be honest I would try really hard to find another name.

Not because the other mum might be put out. But because if you are in a smallish area and they are that close neighbours and in the same small school it’s going to be a bit of an issue. Not a big one but maybe a bit annoying. And think about it from the children’s viewpoint. Especially as you want a slightly unusual name. There were two girls with the same name growing up on my road and they ended up Jane X and Jane Y. Which kind of defeats the purpose of picking something different! (They weren’t Jane obviously!)

I'd just say, oh your dd's name is lovely, it's the one that we had picked for our dd, then add: at least they won't be in the same year at school!

I gave my children "common" names. It's funny that the kind of people at their school don't like common names so mine are the only ones with their really common names. Really uncommon ones are duplicated at their school though!

We wanted our dd to have a unique name too. If someone else moved in with the same name, we would pick something else.

Tell us the name. We can can help judge if it is in fact as uncommon as you think.
My son is called Oliver he’s 34 now people were amazed 34 years ago it was so rare. Now not so much. 😀

I'd mention it when pregnant, probably, but not before TTC.

We named our dc names we liked, that both our families would be able to say (two different languages/ cultures) and that went with our surname. Did not care whether or not the names were popular, whether other people we knew used them or not, etc. My one regret is that we didn't use Roman: our surname is too similar to Polanski for people not to make the association but I wish we'd gone with it regardless, hardly anyone is going to care by the time ds3 is grown.

It depends on the name. It will look like you are copying your neighbour and they will be p*ed off that you used it. You say you like unusual names but it won't be unusual if she is Tinkerbellina S. because there are two Tinkerbellinas in the class.

There are so many names, look for another one.

Sorry, street not class.

If the name is fairly ordinary, then use it. Don't call her Tinkerbellina.

My mums best friend and her have the same name for their sons. And they were best mates at the time as well. It was taken as a compliment!

I don’t think it really matters when you tell them, I do think you might need to accept that the majority of people will think you copied your neighbour and be sure that that won’t bother you.

No. You're not naming the child after the other child.

You should probably say something if you're very close (family) but this isn't the case here

Who gives a shit, she's just a neighbour not a friend or family member

There are two baby Georgie's in my street, not the worlds most unusual name but not that common either. They will go to the same school.

It never occurred to me that mum #2 might have 'copied' the name from mum #1 or that she should have 'warned' her (odd turn of phrase, and really, what is she supposed to do with information? Change her daughters name?). If I've given it any thought at all, which I haven't until right now, it's that they share the same taste in names. Obviously. Who cares?

FWIW my son has a pretty uncommon name. There were only 30 others in the whole country the year he was born. One of them happens to be in his nursery class! Again, who cares?

I know someone who gave their DS1 the same first and middle names as a neighbour's DS1 - not the actual names but something along the lines of Jacob Oliver Thompson and Jacob Oliver Brown. There's about a 7 year gap but the first couple weren't happy about it as they had picked Jacob because at the time because it was unusual. Both families were born and bred in the same area, and unlikely to move. Over the years it mattered less and the name turned out to be popular.

If you and your neighbours are unlikely to be neighbours for long, it doesn't matter so much. If you love the name use it. You will look like you copied but only you know if you mind about that.

@OddshoesOddsocks what kind of number are we taking in the name charts? Eg top 100-150 or much lower down the lists

I’m just seeing it through the eyes of myself 9 years ago when picking dd1s purposefully unusual name. I’d have been a bit peeved although would have no real right to be.

I expect if she’s like you and will be peeved despite having no right to be, it won’t matter if you tell her now or in April, will it?