Would you warn a mum that your baby will share a name with hers?

[OddshoesOddsocks]

Dp and I have discussed names since starting TTC around May last year. We really struggle to agree on names but 1 stood out and came top of the list. Now due a dd in April of this year and that name has stuck so it’s looking like that’s what we’ll go with.

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Fast forward to maybe August/September last year and a new family move in over the road. Their eldest goes to the village school with mine and their youngest is just turned 1. Youngest has the same name as is intended for dd.

I wouldn’t say we are friends but we are friendly on the school run etc. Due to the nature of the school, it is likely that the 2 girls will share a classroom although will obviously be different year groups.

Would you mention it beforehand to her? I can imagine past me may have been a bit peeved at my baby having to share a name with another so close and i don’t want her to think we are copying.

By uncommon I mean it’s not the kind of Sophie, Olivia, Florence name that there’s several of in each school. It’s uncommon enough to seem like the parents have made the effort to pick something a bit different to avoid other children having the same name, if that makes sense?

I made an effort to chose the names. They are not uncommon. Some parents don’t care about what other people think, that does not mean we don’t make an effort. They might have chosen that name because of a relative. Plenty of us could not care less about names being common or not. Use the name who cares if they think you copy, you are adults

If you would have been peeved are you not tempted to change the name now? Surely that’d be the obvious thing to do.

I just want to understand what you mean by uncommon. Can you give a ballpark of what kind of number in the charts we are talking? Some people say a name at number 80 is “uncommon” whereas for others the name must be outside the top 1,000 to be “uncommon”

What is the name?

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Then why use the name that your neighbour's dd has? Especially if they'll share a classroom?

Choose another name if it really matters.

Everyone makes an effort when they pick a name. I'm sure it's not that out there 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'd pick another name. If it WAS a Sophie/Evie/poppy type name you could get away with it but if it's an unusual one, it will always look like you copied them and no amount of telling them you've had it in mind for yonks will convince them otherwise!

You say you don't want your dd to share the same name as others in your community and school. You also say you'd be peeved off if someone else chose the same name.

Then YOU need to find another name for your dd imo.

I picked a super rare name for my child. Completely blissfully happy that they'd be the only one in the entire school.

There were 3 in the local health centre playgroup.

Got to laugh!

Yes, your neighbor picked it first, unfortunately.

@charlesthekudu so clearly it wasn't "super rare" then

It’s top 170ish

I don’t mean parents don’t put the effort in when they pick a ‘Sophie name’ obviously I mean that some parents think ‘right, I want a name that isn’t a ‘sophie’ and others think ‘I love that name, who cares if there’s one down the road’
It’s just personal taste isn’t it, neither are wrong.

I could ‘just pick another name’ but we’re both pretty sure that that is THE name. Of course she might come out and we might say ‘oh she’s not an X after all, she looks much more like a Y!’ And then it’ll be irrelevant but by then I’d have missed my chance to pre-warn other mum.

I know people don’t seem to like the term ‘warn’ in this context but I don’t really know what the alternative is...

@crustycrab I think that’s the point @charlesthekudu was making 👍❤️

My point was, I’m not bothered about them having the same name. DD is probably going to have that name either way, I’m not going to pick a new name. But do I tell the other mum beforehand or not?

What’s the name? I don’t think we can judge if we don’t know the name

Don’t say anything because you might change your mind when she’s born and you’ll be creating unnecessary drama.

No. Definitely not. Your baby. Your choice. You can explain, if you feel like it, after baby is born.
In any case when baby is born you may find the name no longer fits so go with something else so would have warned them unnecessary.
Congrats and enjoy your pregnancy.

@OddshoesOddsocks I can’t see the harm in saying to her in passing “we love the name [Verity]/[Jemima] or whatever and funnily enough have always had the name in mind for our daughter, I hope that’s ok”

You’re not obliged to use it after saying this. I’d personally just get it out in the open that you’re considering it. It just feels like a better approach to me.

Can you just say the name so we know

I think I’ll probably do something like that @Whatsyourflava. I think I’d feel more comfortable with it out in the open

Are you saying they'll be in the same school year, as I'm sure that'll be impossible if theirs is over a year old and yours isn't born yet? Forgive me if that's not what you're saying here. If they won't be in the same year group, I'm not sure it matters as much, but if they'll be the same class, then I'd definitely think twice about the name. Also, if I was that keen to have a more "unusual" name, I wouldn't want my child to have the same name as another on the street. I know that's not always preventable, but in your case, I would choose a different name. There are thousands out there, and it's not like you're saying it's a name speical to you (family name etc) just a name you like, so I'd just look for another equally nice one. I'd love to know what the name is so we could give you some alternative suggestions!

I’d think you were nuts if you approached me with this, tbh.

What's the point in telling the other mother beforehand?

Are you asking for her permission?

You're not going to change the name (which is fine), and she's hardly likely to nip down to the deed poll office with her DD on hearing about your plans, is she?

I think mention it in passing that you've always loved that name and had it picked for your dd. It wouldn't matter usually, but living on the same street, in a small village and children sharing a class - it may be a big deal to them

I would probably only say something if it came up in conversation rather than deliberately saying something out of nowhere. You might well look a but mad then!