Would you warn a mum that your baby will share a name with hers?

[OddshoesOddsocks]

Dp and I have discussed names since starting TTC around May last year. We really struggle to agree on names but 1 stood out and came top of the list. Now due a dd in April of this year and that name has stuck so it’s looking like that’s what we’ll go with.

I like slightly unusual names and always liked the idea that my children will be the only ones in their class with that name.

Fast forward to maybe August/September last year and a new family move in over the road. Their eldest goes to the village school with mine and their youngest is just turned 1. Youngest has the same name as is intended for dd.

I wouldn’t say we are friends but we are friendly on the school run etc. Due to the nature of the school, it is likely that the 2 girls will share a classroom although will obviously be different year groups.

Would you mention it beforehand to her? I can imagine past me may have been a bit peeved at my baby having to share a name with another so close and i don’t want her to think we are copying.

What does your dh think? Does he think it's be weird to use the name now?

And put yourself in the other mum's shoes... How would you feel if a neighbour used you DD name in a year's time, when you'd thought of an unusual name purposely so she wasn't one of many in the class? Would it annoy you? I think you'd be miffed personally, but rightly so, no one owns a name, so if you're adamant you're using it, do so with confidence, and as pp said and tell them in advance, so it doesn't seem weird when the baby is born... congrats by the way!

I'd mention that you are calling your DD the name her DD is called and that you aren't copying as you have had it at number 1 for a long time.
I just wouldn't want her to think I was a mindless copycat tbh. Whether she was happy or not wouldn't really bother me.
I however would personally have second thoughts about the name as wouldn't want DD to be the younger one with the name as I care far too much what people think of me and I'd worry these randoms thought if copied the family over the road

Also my dc2 has a traditional but "unusual" name (Everyone knows the name, but you don't hear it used very often). I'd be hmmmm.... not annoyed as such, just probably a little weirded out, think it was odd if someone named their baby the same, living in a small village setting in the same street as you've described. I'd probably give you a wide berth, and be secretly a little pissed off about it 😂.

Regardless of how long you've liked it, they will always think you copied it if it's an unusual ish name.

By telling her you run the risk of her saying oh I'd rather you didn't! Or getting a bit miffed/making a comment about there being other names whereas if you def want to stick with it, I'd just wait until she's born.

I would pick another name.

@crustycrab exactly my point haha unless you bung random letters together you can't guarantee! I avoided the obvious Ava and olivias and I went for something 'super rare' but unless you quiz every pregnant person in the local area you can never guarantee a rare or unduplicated name

someone on another thread suggested Twig! Reckon that might be a safe bet

No

Whilst I wouldn't tell the Mum... if the name really is unusual she will think that you copied her. How much that would bother you is personal to you, but she will definitely think you've taken inspiration from her daughters name. Her reaction could vary from flattered to angry or somewhere in between, but it will definitely register on her radar that you copied (even though officially you didn't) but it all depends how unusual the name is.

In the top 170ish as you say.... you'll come across it again. My DS is one of less than 100 with his name in his birth year according yo statistics yet there is one in his rugby team and one in his swim class.... funnily all named after a relative and not named to be unusual

My son was at school with David (Dave), Nicholas (Nick), Sarah, Emma, Louise, William (Will), James. They all seemed to like their names and still do. Classic and timeless.

Susan is due a come back.

If it’s top 170ish it’s probably not all that unusual. Is it the sort of name people will have heard of?

Some names are so unusual that you meet one person with the name and never hear of anyone else with it, but those kind of names aren’t usually in the top 200.

I hate threads like this because I really want to know the name
I think it does depend on the name. Common fine. Super unusual they will think you have copied them.

I'd be a little annoyed and probably a little weirded out, think it was odd if someone named their baby the same, living in a small village setting in the same street as you've described. I'd probably give you a wide berth, and be secretly a little pissed off about it 😂.

Same. I'd definitely choose another name. Especially as you yourself want your dd not to share her name!

They will think you've copied them regardless of what you tell them.

What will you do if you tell her and she's really pissed off about it and says so?

@coragreta OP has said it’s about number 170 ish in the charts

• sorry she said it’s “top 170 ish”

So we are talking about the popularity of the name Sadie, Maggie or Ottilie

What outcome are you seeking OP? You keep using the word "warn" as if you are assuming it's likely to cause trouble? If so, what is the nature of the trouble? Her DD is older, the only possible reaction from others is that you copied her, and in the great scheme of things that doesn't matter one bit. It's none of her business what you call your child. Don't go out of your way to mention it, you'll look like a nut job.

No, just use it, no need to cause extra drama.

This happened to me! I moved to a new area with my DC. A few months later a new baby was given the same name as one of my DC. Will be in same school etc. The name is more popular than 170 but similar circumstance. I would have thought it v odd if the other Mum had "warned me".

New family moved in when I was heavily pg with DD2. Her son had the same name as our only boy's name choice. Her DD2 had the same shortened version of our Girl choice and her DD1 had the same name as our chosen middle name for DD2. Of course she asked me when I was due etc and I just explained from the off that whether it was a boy or girl it would share a name with one of her DCs as we had names picked out. It was fine and it didn't matter one jot.

This is the epitome of overthinking. Just name your baby and stop worrying about it.

Ok, I've been on the other side of this (although it was a friend, rather than just an acquaintance).

The first I knew of it was when the round robin text went out announcing the new baby's arrival.

It did feel weird, the name is also around the 200 place in the charts, so not many around.

To be honest I would have appreciated a heads up, either before the birth or after, along the lines of 'we've decided to call our new baby XXXX, it's a name we've always loved, just wanted to let you know!' So, not giving me chance to debate it, but just a heads up.

Having said that, although it was weird at first it soon became the norm and I saw it as a compliment! As it happens we don't see each other any more (no falling out, just gone separate ways) and chances are your new baby and your neighbour's DD won't be in each other's lives for very long......

Good luck!

I would mention it in passing if it comes up naturally in conversation. So if names come up you could mention it, she could become an unreasonable person and demand that you don’t use it! This could happen and you could post on Aibu about it!

I’m having no more babies but if I meet a child called a name I would have liked to use I do often comment that I love the name and would have loved to have called a baby that.