Baby name choice - regret - change or keep

[1mummyinabigcity]

New to mumsnet and looking to canvass some honest opinion outside of the main circle of people I know. My partner and I whittled baby names for our new boy down to a few. We had a lot of trouble deciding any boys names and have an older son for which a name decision was difficult as well. For a long time, I'd just assumed we'd call the lad a certain name we'd been joking about assuming he'll just be called when he arrives. In the end, we didn't use it.

I thought I was ambivalent between the names and my partner had a definite preference, so we named our lad that. During the name registration itself, we were going to change the middle name to something I liked much better than what we originally decided, but I got cold feet about it and didn't make the change.

We agreed a name that will be the formal name, but instead we'll use the nickname (the nickname adds a letter to the formal name so it's not a straight nickname and if people hear the formal name, they may call him a different nickname). I don't particularly like the default nickname from the formal name but we'd agreed we just won't use it, however this has not been true now that the name is in use.

There was another name I loved and we were going to use, but it is one of those many people would think is a girl's name rather than a boy's name if seen on paper. I decided this just was unfair to do to the child because his brother has a normal male name. Living in a city, it seemed like it would be a "trendy" or "hipster" name especially since we are very English and the name is very Eastern European generally and we have no Eastern European roots.

So now I'm not sure if I should change his name to the one I had always assumed it was going to be, change it to the "trendy" name that I had loved or try to get used to this one and get over the regret that went into this name being decided (we absolutely rushed the naming as my partner thought my indecision was similar to my previous indecision for my previous son). And if we change the name, a) are we damaging him forever as the original would always be on the long form birth certificate? b) should we try to keep this current name with him as a middle name?

Sorry, quite a long one! Very grateful for any opinions on this though.

Assuming he's still a very young baby who was no idea that he even has a name I say change it. Pick the name you love and stop worrying about the fact one name had already been picked out in advance, or the other name makes you look like a hipster. Just start calling him the other name and see if it feels 'right'.

This happens all the time and it's really not a big deal. You will not be damaging him!

How old is the baby? You can change the name on the birth certificate up to 12 months.
Could you say what the names are?
Or give examples of something very similar?

It’s hard to give opinions when we don’t know the name unfortunately.
Is it something like Ted/Teddy Vs Eden?

I had a feeling the names would probably be guessable, cbeebiesrehab, you are spot on with Ted/Teddy (formal name Edward).

The name I originally thought we were going to go with is George. We avoided it because of royal baby association (esp as middle name was going to be Alexander) and lack of nicknames. But now I'm not so sure. And the name I love but it sounded too girly is Sacha (Alexander for formal name). We have family in America as well, so it seemed this could be problematic (especially as partner even preferred Sandy over Sacha). Again with American family, it seemed if the baby ever chose to be known as Alex it is a pretty girly name nowadays as well (of the Alexes I know, MOST are girls in fact).

Baby is about a month old at this point.

I much prefer Sacha/Alexander to George or Ted/dy.

I think you need to try to stop worrying about what other people think so much.

Start calling him Sacha today and see how it feels.

We nearly called DS2 Ted/Teddy but then decided on Ned.
I love Ned (he’s not Edward) but DH forgot to tell me that the name Ned is used as a bad slang name in west of Scotland (where DH comes from and his parents lived).
My MIL was very shocked and people did give us second glances when we used his name in Scotland.
He’s 18 now we don’t go to Scotland very much so it’s bnot really a problem, but if I’d realised at the time he would have definitely been call Ted!

I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid at a male Alex, I wouldn't consider it particularly feminine. It's just a nickname that can be used on both the male and female versions of the name.

What if you called him Alexander and used Sacha as a nickname within the family?

Also just FYI, I know a few men with names ending in 'a' - Fiachra, Iarla, Donnacha. It's quite common in Ireland, our last prime minister's name was Enda.

I like Sacha but might assume you had some heritage/link to the name. If you live in a city it won’t sound unusual, but if you are more rural it may be unusual.
Our Scottish family used to find our primary school class list fascinating (London) as there was such a vast range of different names.

Yes, this is the concern we've had, the lack of an actual cultural link back to the name. Especially since my partner didn't seem to particularly like Sacha over Sandy and I didn't like how close to Xander the name Sandy gets.

Ned is lovely too but in fact we ruled that out because of the Scottish link. I think we're very risk averse!

Ohh I’m good

I think they are all lovely names and none of which will cause any problems. I get that Ted/Teddy may not be the natural diminutive for Edward but if that’s what you use from day one chances are that’s what he will choose when he’s older and that’s what others will to by (My daughter goes by a diminutive that is not the ‘natural’ shortening of her formal name and she has NEVER been called the ‘natural’ diminutive)
George is a nice, normal name and I wouldn’t automatically think of the royals.
Sacha is a little more unusual and definitely workable for a little boy-American family will get used to it!
What name feels most like ‘him?’

Go by*

I think I'm really trying to suss if I actually want to change the name we finally agreed on or if it's more that I want to go back in time and redo the whole thing since it was all so rushed (admittedly, I am certain this may have resulted in a different name).

I'm scared if I weren't to change the name and I never get used to it though, then it will always be a regret...and I absolutely love my first baby's name, I'd feel bad not having the same kind of love for this baby's name.

To be honest, I'm still not getting any that "feel" like him type thing. This is why my partner thought it would be best just to commit to something and get on with it. I also thought committing to it and announcing it would sort this all out, but if that was the case I don't think I'd be typing on here right now!

I know two people called Alex - both male. TBH it never even occurred to me that it’s a more “female” name. It’s the definitive unisex name imho.

I LOVE the name Sacha for a boy. Please use it if you love it!! I don't think of it being hipster or Eastern European, its just a fabulous strong boys name.

OP, assuming that you are not suffering from PND (which is often the case with name change threads) then I do think that you are overthinking the nickname side of things. Children will come up with their own nicknames for their classmates.

You are trying to come up with two names really - the formal name and your own preferred nickname of it, is it the fact that people are not using your preferred nickname that has put you off? Because that will happen.

I have a Ted, full name & he gets lots of compliments.

I love George but my DH doesn't & I know lots of baby George's

Alexander is a lovely name too but I have a female Alex in the family & so couldn't choose it

In terms of the shortenings for Alexander then I think Alex or Xander would be the only ones I'd use, they are also lovely. Sacha - I think is girly. Sandy - I think of a nickname from a surname such as Sanderson & it was also our dogs name. Sorry I know those are your preferences

I rushed in to my second child’s name.i was going to call him maxwell.but then the lady in the bed opposite told me she was calling her son max.
I have no idea why ,but I felt I just couldn’t call my baby maxwell..so I picked something different.
My third child was Humphrey..
From the minute he was born I knew I wanted to call him Humphrey .but my dh said my hormones were confusing me and it wasn’t a good name.
So we didn’t

ChicCroissant - no, I don't suspect any PND. I have always been very indecisive though so this probably does not help at all. You are spot on about the nicknames/formal name, that's what put me off. Especially since partner said we wouldn't use Edward/Eddie/Ed much (as I'd suggested why not just switch to Theodore for Ted/Teddy) and then straight away used that after registering - which hadn't been done when name was road tested.

My other son has a name that has some nicknames but you'd FULLY change the name, so probably not likely unless he decides himself that he'll be referred to by something else.

This is what is attracting me to George so much, it's the name I'd assumed the lad would be, it can't really be nicknamed too badly and he can have a cutesy toddler name Georgie but then when he's older his whole name hasn't changed.

DaddysGirl36 - no offence taken, you have encapsulated my concerns on that name entirely. It feels like to name him Sacha is for me rather than for him.

Snowdrop - did you legally change the name Maxwell after registration? And do you still regret not using Humphrey?

I love Sacha. Probably wouldn’t be brave enough to use it, but I love it.

Alexander is a great name and Alex is definitely unisex but my favourite is Ted (for Edward) -I think that is the name he is currently called? If so stick with it, an excellent name.
Definitely not Sacha, especially not if his brother has a traditional boy's name.

I don't see a problem with any of the names you've mentioned including the ones you've used - and don't see a problem with using Sacha/Alexander no matter where you are from, and don't see a problem with George Alexander (both straightforward popular names so wouldn't worry about ref to royalty).

So, in the end you need to work out what you want, not what other people will think of you. Why don't you try out your preferred options and see if you can clarify what you really want. It is definitely not too late to change (even after 12 months it can be done.) And you might need to emphasise the strength of your feelings to your DH if he doesn't get it.

And just by the way nns for George could be Georgie, Geordie, Jory (Cornish), Joe.

lemonjam - yep, I'm in same position. This exact name got batted about for first son too and we didn't do it then.

MercyBodle - partner knows how much this is getting at me so is pretty much on board no matter what I choose.

Justkeeprolkingalong - yes, one brother having a very traditional name and another having very unique is not ideal in my mind. And if he changed it someday from Sacha to Alex, I'd respect it but be a little sad. And yes, that is current name - most people we know like it and think it fits well with my other son. However, think they like it on the full name. As my other son's name is also very traditional, I wonder if part of what I don't like as well is one very traditional name and one nickname type name.