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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name choice - regret - change or keep

87 replies

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 11:46

New to mumsnet and looking to canvass some honest opinion outside of the main circle of people I know. My partner and I whittled baby names for our new boy down to a few. We had a lot of trouble deciding any boys names and have an older son for which a name decision was difficult as well. For a long time, I'd just assumed we'd call the lad a certain name we'd been joking about assuming he'll just be called when he arrives. In the end, we didn't use it.

I thought I was ambivalent between the names and my partner had a definite preference, so we named our lad that. During the name registration itself, we were going to change the middle name to something I liked much better than what we originally decided, but I got cold feet about it and didn't make the change.

We agreed a name that will be the formal name, but instead we'll use the nickname (the nickname adds a letter to the formal name so it's not a straight nickname and if people hear the formal name, they may call him a different nickname). I don't particularly like the default nickname from the formal name but we'd agreed we just won't use it, however this has not been true now that the name is in use.

There was another name I loved and we were going to use, but it is one of those many people would think is a girl's name rather than a boy's name if seen on paper. I decided this just was unfair to do to the child because his brother has a normal male name. Living in a city, it seemed like it would be a "trendy" or "hipster" name especially since we are very English and the name is very Eastern European generally and we have no Eastern European roots.

So now I'm not sure if I should change his name to the one I had always assumed it was going to be, change it to the "trendy" name that I had loved or try to get used to this one and get over the regret that went into this name being decided (we absolutely rushed the naming as my partner thought my indecision was similar to my previous indecision for my previous son). And if we change the name, a) are we damaging him forever as the original would always be on the long form birth certificate? b) should we try to keep this current name with him as a middle name?

Sorry, quite a long one! Very grateful for any opinions on this though.

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BurpingFrog · 13/05/2019 13:28

OP, I have taught a lot of boys called Alexander and a friend’s new baby has that name too. I don’t think its nicknames are girly and nobody's been teased. Three of the Alexanders I know are Sachas, and it’s been a non-issue for them.

That said, he might want to be known as Alex instead -- how would you feel about that? I was tempted to name my son Benedict, nickname Ned or Neddy, but didn't as I wasn't as keen on Ben, which I thought he might end up becoming. (Interested about the Scottish issue with Ned - hadn't known that!).

You have till he is 12 months to officially change it, or even longer if you can prove the new name was in common use before 12 months. My advice is don’t rush it officially: try calling him Sasha, or George, or whatever, and see which feels right.

It feels a big deal now regarding telling friends and family etc, but in the long run nobody will even think about the fact he changed his name, or that there was a period of time when his name was uncertain.

BurpingFrog · 13/05/2019 13:29

Sorry OP, cross posted re "Alex"

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 13:36

BuroingFrog - yep regarding him going by Alex someday. I get the feeling if the name had been right, that would be first son's name. Although as some say, maybe first son was not an Alexander but this one is.

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 13:36

I like Alexander, Alex, Sacha and Sandy. Alex, Sacha and Sandy are unisex, but I know more male Alexes than female and I know a male Sascha and female Sasha.
I like George. I like Edward, but I don't like Ned, and Ted/Teddy is overpopular. Eddy is nicer.

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 13:37

Forgot to say, I don't like Xander.
Call him Eddy.

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 14:00

MikeUnifirmMike - sadly I really don't care for Eddy as the name. Agreed on Xander, which is why Sandy seems slightly dangerous :)

OP posts:

Lavenderblues · 13/05/2019 14:12

Alex is truly unisex, short for Alexandra and Alexander. I know more male Sascha/Sashas, it's very popular in Eastern Europe/Germany.

If you're not keen on Alex I probably wouldn't risk Alexander.

Lavenderblues · 13/05/2019 14:13

Sacha is the French spelling btw.

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 14:18

Lavenderblues - yes, I had realised that beforehand. However I don't like the Sasha spelling as to me it looks much more like the feminine name. But, Sacha in English can get people thinking Satch-a as pronunciation I'm sure. Again this was the line of thinking that struck the name out originally.

OP posts:

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 14:19

And yes, Alex risk did seem to much!

OP posts:

Clownfish123 · 13/05/2019 14:28

I completely understand how you feel. It is so hard to find the perfect name. Personally I would go with George. It is traditional like your other sons name and Georgie is cute for a little one. It's well known, classic and timeless.
Don't go with Alexander if you don't like Alex as he may well decide to be Alex as it is by far the most common shortening. For what it's worth I don't particularly like Sacha and think it is quite girly.
Ted/Teddy is a nice name but you're clearly not sure on it after a month of using it. Use George for a month and see how it feels.

Nonnymum · 13/05/2019 14:34

I know a boy sasha and that is his full name I isn't associate it with a girl at all. Neither would I associate Alex with a girl tbh.
Is the baby still very young. If he knows his name it will be difficult. If he is still tiny just pick the name you like. For what it's worth I think Sasha is lovely

Clownfish123 · 13/05/2019 14:55

Also if you are concerned that Alex is girly, it definitely isn't. It is far more commonly used for boys than girls, both the full name, and the shortening. I think it is a great unisex name but if I saw it written down I would be more likely to assume boy.

MummyBear2352 · 13/05/2019 15:03

What are the names?!

CrinolineQueen · 13/05/2019 15:04

She's told us the names

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 15:06

Nonnymum - definitely agree Sasha is a lovely name, I just wonder expect I'd already have a Sasha (or Sacha) by now if it were really meant to be given the first lad had this on his list of potential names too.

Clownfish - Alex in my head I know is definitely a boy's name, it's just the problem of knowing so many female Alexes personally that my natural default would be to assume girl then boy even if that's not truly the case.

OP posts:

HastaLaVistaPrint · 13/05/2019 15:12

I love Sacha. I would definitely have avoided George and think Edward is a bit dull. Sacha FTW!

Bunnysmum · 13/05/2019 15:20

OP IVe sent you an inbox

MummyBear2352 · 13/05/2019 15:32

Personally I would probably just try to get used to it, as after a while a name is just a name and doesn’t really effect the person or how you feel about them. For example, my partner doesn’t have a name I particularly like but it’s just his name and it obviously doesn’t effect our connection.

I had the same situation as you with my little girl where I had always imagined a certain name but we used to joke we would use a certain name after I had a dream I had a baby with that name. That’s the one we ended up going for and though it wasn’t what I imagined all those years I couldn’t imagine her as anything else now and it’s just a part of who she is.

If you do feel strongly about it though I would just do it sooner rather than later before the name sticks too much and you end up unable to see him as anything else.

I would say I know about an equal number or male and female Sacha’s too, so I don’t think you need to worry about that choice being too girly.

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 15:46

MummyBear2352 - that's great you got used to the name even though it wasn't the one you originally imagined. The fact you had a dream related to the new name sounds like it gives a bit of a connection to it.

I think part of my problem is that I feel like the name came out of nowhere a bit, the other names have a slight connection (even if it is very small connections, previously imagined name, previously debated name for son 1).

But I agree, the name can become just the name. That is what I am trying to guage. Would I just get so used to him with current name that it seems insane he'd be anything else or would there always be a slight feel of regret? It is hard to predict.

OP posts:

emmar88 · 13/05/2019 18:56

I named my son Alexander originally and was going to use the name Xander as a NN. Soon realised after birth everyone was naturally going to call him Alex (which I don't like !!) I changed his name to George in the end x

BigusBumus · 13/05/2019 18:57

My third son in a Harry, named after BOTH of me and DHs grandfathers. I don't LOVE the name, its not what i would have had given the final say, but its what made everyone happy. He is deffo a Harry now though!

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 19:00

I like Alec.

Original poster

1mummyinabigcity · 13/05/2019 19:59

Emmar - that sounds almost identical to my problem! George is a fantastic replacement!

BigusBumus - that's great your son grew into you liking Harry for a name. Given the family history, that's brilliant you went for it despite not fully loving it. I would do the same if there was a strong family tradition. That's what's thrown me off about this name, there doesn't feel like a connection to anything for it (obviously my son is now connected to it, but something wider than that is desirable too). I'm not really even a fan of the name meaning (guardian of wealth - unless hopefully that wealth is in the non-monetary sense).

MikeUniformMike - Alec was a contender but it seemed like we'd really need to work at making it stick and it clashes with surname a bit.

OP posts:

MikeUniformMike · 13/05/2019 20:05

George is fine.

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