Baby name choice - regret - change or keep

[1mummyinabigcity]

New to mumsnet and looking to canvass some honest opinion outside of the main circle of people I know. My partner and I whittled baby names for our new boy down to a few. We had a lot of trouble deciding any boys names and have an older son for which a name decision was difficult as well. For a long time, I'd just assumed we'd call the lad a certain name we'd been joking about assuming he'll just be called when he arrives. In the end, we didn't use it.

I thought I was ambivalent between the names and my partner had a definite preference, so we named our lad that. During the name registration itself, we were going to change the middle name to something I liked much better than what we originally decided, but I got cold feet about it and didn't make the change.

We agreed a name that will be the formal name, but instead we'll use the nickname (the nickname adds a letter to the formal name so it's not a straight nickname and if people hear the formal name, they may call him a different nickname). I don't particularly like the default nickname from the formal name but we'd agreed we just won't use it, however this has not been true now that the name is in use.

There was another name I loved and we were going to use, but it is one of those many people would think is a girl's name rather than a boy's name if seen on paper. I decided this just was unfair to do to the child because his brother has a normal male name. Living in a city, it seemed like it would be a "trendy" or "hipster" name especially since we are very English and the name is very Eastern European generally and we have no Eastern European roots.

So now I'm not sure if I should change his name to the one I had always assumed it was going to be, change it to the "trendy" name that I had loved or try to get used to this one and get over the regret that went into this name being decided (we absolutely rushed the naming as my partner thought my indecision was similar to my previous indecision for my previous son). And if we change the name, a) are we damaging him forever as the original would always be on the long form birth certificate? b) should we try to keep this current name with him as a middle name?

Sorry, quite a long one! Very grateful for any opinions on this though.

I love Edward and it’s DS’s middle name but I much prefer Ted to Eddie as a nickname and it was the possibility of Eddie that out me off it as a first name. I now sometimes regret not just using it as a first name and pushing Ted over Ed iyswim. I think that this can still be done for your LO and it’s what I would push for.
I’ve known one adult Sacha, it didn’t seem to cause him any problems but he had a cultural heritage which fitted the name.

I bloody love Humphrey!

Not helpful I know.

Ikeameatballs - yes, sounds like the same exact problem indeed. It's wanting a mixed use potentially of full name Edward and nickname Ted/Teddy that os problematic. Thus calling him Tedward a lot :)

I have an Alexander. He is known as Al for short (not Alex, to me that's a totally different name). He's also known as Albert or Bert. I only tend to use Alexander if he's been particularly naughty! The only thing I would say is when choosing a name that can shortened make sure you like all the choices. As I said I don't like Alex but some of his teachers do call him this which slightly annoys me. That said he's his own boy and will introduce himself according to what's comfortable to him

For what it's worth OP in relation to your comment about worrying that people will assume a cultural link where there isn't one... I say if you love the name then go for it! Our 18mo DS has a Scandinavian name (not common in the uk, only 14 registered last year) and we have no connection to Scandinavia whatsoever. We just fell in love with the name as for a boys name it's quite soft and lyrical but also has a more 'macho' nickname should he ever wish to use it. What's most important is that you like the name :)

George is nice, Sacha is... Not my cup of tea, to put it mildly.

I'd just roll with it personally. I had a wobble about dd's name at that stage but now she's nearly a year old I can't imagine her being anything else.

Write it down with his surname.

Write your favourite one down and sleep on it tonight.

Sometimes a name choice is made for you.

FWIW there are many more male than female Alexes if you look at the stats.

I like Edward/Ed/Ted. Ted/dy is a traditional dim for Edward I don’t know why people think it’s only related to Theo.

I also like Alexander/Alex and Sacha/Saschas (male name generally spelt with a c).

I’ve know a couple of male Saschas but I live in London and no-one would bat an eyelid about it here. Surely most people have heard of Sacha Baron-Cohen?

As I said I don't like Alex but some of his teachers do call him this which slightly annoys me.

It’s always worth remembering that parents can’t control over what diminutive their child prefers nor their children are called by friends and teachers etc.

Sacha is a girl's name to me. I've known one bit called it and he hated it. Must be in his early twenties by now.

George is nice but not much of a different name than Edward. Both royal with a nice sound

I'd stick with Ted if I were you. Maybe Edward George.

FWIW there are many more male than female Alexes if you look at the stats

Indeed. I've only met one female Alex, round here they're all Lexi.

Edward/Ed/Ted. Ted/dy is a traditional dim for Edward I don’t know why people think it’s only related to Theo

I agree. Bear Grylls is an Edward. I think he must have gone Edward - > Teddy - > Bear

Surely most people have heard of Sacha Baron-Cohen?

I have. It's why I don't like the name Sacha.

@TatianaLarina

It’s always worth remembering that parents can’t control over what diminutive their child prefers nor their children are called by friends and teachers

Exactly, despite my son asking be called Alexander he gets Alex. He pretty much answers to anything though! He's a happy boy so that's the most important thing

@spellingtest - yes, this seems to be common with Alexander as a name, Alex is too much a default for people to resist.

@ReganSomerset - yes, it feels like something that could just be a time thing rather than anything else. Especially as time goes on, it could be weird to go another way.

@3luckystars - we did do that and it resulted in a few other names being cut. Maybe worth a repeat to see how I feel now.

@TatianaLarina - with no offence to any Sachas, Sacha feels like a name I would expect to find in London. I am worried the same may also be the case for a name like Teddy. George as a name seems like it could be a child from anywhere. And yes, a slight bit of control for the usage by rights of the initial name is nice, and then otherwise it is out of your hands. Which is why I'm concerned this guy will wind up an Eddie.

@pineapplepatty - why did the Sacha you know hate his name so much?

@spellingtest - yes, it was assumed no matter how much asking were to happen, Alexander being 4 syllables will always get shortened by default by a lot of people.

Sacha feels like a name I would expect to find in London. I am worried the same may also be the case for a name like Teddy.

I know a baby Teddy in the Midlands, if it helps. Given name, not short for anything.

Teddys are everywhere at this stage. Teddy Tsunami.

I’m a little biased - but can I just speak up for Edward? It’s the perfect name, classic, solid, classless and I like all of the shortenings. Eddie is lovely for a little one, and he’ll have plenty of options for when he’s old enough to have his own preference.

I like all of your other options op, especially Alex, but Edward is my favourite.

@ToftheB - "Eddie is lovely for a little one, and he’ll have plenty of options for when he’s old enough to have his own preference." This was part of my issue...I just can't get used to Ed/Eddie/Eddy as a shortening.

To update and conclude this, since Tedward isn't a real, actual name and we liked using Edward the formal name as well, it was a real mess. If I could keep people from ever calling the lad Ed/Eddie and still use Edward, that would be amazing. But since that won't happen the name has been changed and he is now George. Hopefully since it's traditional name swapped with traditional name when all is said and done for him, it really doesn't matter.

Alexander just didn't work as per the shortening test...don't like all of the shortnames and doing a "known as" vs "official name" brought back the same issues as the original name.

It was worth waiting before making any rash decision to really see if it was the name that is the issue or if it was anything due to new baby, post-birth. Suffice to say, it definitely was the name!

I can honestly say if you read this and are feeling doubt, don't be concerned about having to tell people about the change. Most people are focused on their own lives and issues so this is just becomes an interesting "I have a friend who once...blah blah blah" for them. A piece of history and it stays where it belongs in the past.

So glad to hear you've sorted it all out and that you're happier now :-)

Thanks for the update OP. I often wonder what the final decision is.
Can’t really tell go wrong with George.
Enjoy the your wee ones

I changed my baby’s name & it was slightly weird for people at first but quickly became normal & I am so pleased I did. As long as your baby hasn’t been christened it’s very easy to do whilst they are small.

Oops missed the update sorry - pleased you sorted it

Love George. Good choice OP. Glad you feel good about it.

Thanks for the update, and good outcome for you. And appreciate your advice for others in the same situation, that in the end it's not a big deal to change and tell others. This situation seems to be fairly common.

I'm going to be no help whatsoever and say I like all the names mentioned.

Particularly Ted (I have known some lovely Teds) I love traditional names and their variants.

Alexander is also a lovely name and my only reservation about then calling him Sacha is that some small minded person is bound to think that you wanted 2nd baby to be a girl and so are compromising. Believe me there is always one!

ooops didn't RTFT. Well done OP, George is another lovely traditional name and leaves lots of options for nicknames.