Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is your baby taking your surname or your partners?

81 replies

Lsquiggles · 06/02/2019 10:39

Hi all!

I am a first time mom expecting a baby girl in June and I was wondering whether or not those of you who aren't married have given your child your partners surname or your own?

My partner and I have been together almost 3 years and I'd love to get married. He's in no rush to get married any time soon. I've had quite a few friends who have given their child their partners surnames and then broken up, therefore never having the same surname as their child.

I love my partner and of course would love to assume we will get married one day but I'd hate to not have the same surname as my child if something was to go wrong and for us to break up.

My family also feel strongly about me not giving our baby girl my boyfriends name if we're not married yet so I'm conflicted.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Suzysuzuki · 06/02/2019 10:50

We double-barrelled. Baby DPname-myname. When/if we marry I will have same name as baby.

ChubsyMcChubFace · 06/02/2019 10:53

We were married before I had dc and I took dh’s surname, (shoot me ). The dcs also have his name, so that we all match. Theoretically, had dh’s surname been a weird one like my maiden name and mine been a straightforward, easy to spell one, he might have taken my name. As it was, I was happy to shed my maiden name as it was a pain having to spell it out all the time!

Anywho, if we hadn’t been married when we had dcs and especially if I had been keen on marriage, but bf not so much, there is not a snowball’s chance in hell I would have consented to them having his surname.

I’d want my dcs to share my surname. If my surname was my maiden name, because my bf didn’t fancy marriage, but he was pushing for the children to share his surname while I didn’t... .

ChubsyMcChubFace · 06/02/2019 10:54

It would be different if neither of you wanted to get married btw. In which case, I’d double barrel.

elQuintoConyo · 06/02/2019 10:59

MiniConyo Mysurname DHsurname.

Mine is not a middle name.
No hyphen.
No problems going through airports/across borders.

My surname is constantly mispronounced
and misspelled, DH's easy to pronounce and spell - but it is rather a comedy name and there is no way I wanted to be El Quinto Sixfingers (or near enough)!

So DS is: MiniConyo Speltbadly Comedyname.

No one has given an opinion of his surname or any traditional sexist bollocks. They'd get short shrift if they did.

BegoniasAndPetunias25 · 06/02/2019 11:01

If you’re not married she should have your surname. You can always change it to his if you do get married in the future (and you want to change it).

ReaganSomerset · 06/02/2019 11:02

I've seen so many people on here and in real life regret giving kids their partner's surname. I would advise against it. If you split it can't be changed without the father's consent.

Bananajuice · 06/02/2019 11:04

My two kids have my ex's surname and it's one of my biggest regrets! If I did it all over again they'd have mine with no doubt at all about it

HalfBloodPrincess · 06/02/2019 11:04

My partners.

I hate my surname. It’s my dads and he was/is an abusive drunk - if it wasn’t for the fact I’m known professionally by it I’d change mine too.

GlossyTaco · 06/02/2019 11:07

My eldest two have their dad's (exh) last name only. I was young and regret allowing that to happen , he said it was 'traditional' and twenty something me didn't think to argue.

My youngest has a hyphenated name 'baby dh last name-my last name'. My husband and I have the same last name. My husband and I both wanted to change our names as a gesture to the other.

sirmione16 · 06/02/2019 11:08

Our little boy is being registered in a couple weeks and we've decided to give him my OHs sirname, but only because we're getting married in July so we'll all be the same. Otherwise, I'd feel I want a double barrelled surname.

WineGummyBear · 06/02/2019 11:09

For me the first and foremost consideration was that I wanted to have the same name as my children. I would never have another situation, even temporarily.

Cosmoa · 06/02/2019 11:27

My DD has her Dad's last name. Even if we broke up I'd still be fine with that. He's still always gonna be her Dad.

He also has a much better last name than me 😂

TheOrangeOwl · 06/02/2019 11:35

Not married but we gave DC the OH's last name. Like PP, my surname is from my bio father who was extremely abusive in every way possible so I didn't want to associate my DC with that name. I'm glad about it, and even if we split I'd still rather they didn't have a name I hate.

Kokeshi123 · 06/02/2019 12:40

We gave his surname because we live in his country and it is easier for her to have a native surname.

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

ReaganSomerset · 06/02/2019 12:47

Also, travelling without your partner can be tricky if you have a different surname to the kids. Another issue if you split.

bingoitsadingo · 06/02/2019 13:11

There is no way I would give my child a different surname from me. So it would be my name, or double-barrelled. Especially if he is dragging his heels about getting married, that would make me lean towards my name alone.

NunoGoncalves · 06/02/2019 13:33

We have two kids, both "double barrelled" surnames although no hyphen. No issues with any documents or travelling ever.

MikeUniformMike · 06/02/2019 13:37

I got married first and took his surname. We discussed it first and he offered to use my surname. DC have the married surname.
It is better for a child to have the same surname as the mother.
If you get married, you can have your children's surname changed.

It might also give him a nudge to get married. You are legally in a better position if you are married.

VenusClapTrap · 06/02/2019 13:38

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

^This.

thatsmyspace · 06/02/2019 13:44

My first 3 children have their fathers name and I deeply regret it. He's been absent for most of their lives and is a crap father. The 2 younger children have my name because dh surname is horrific and he didn't want to bestow that on 2 little girls (he didn't even want me to change my name when we married either) so I have 2 in my name and 3 in another. I wish I'd given the older ones my name it all gets very confusing 🙈

CloserIAm2Fine · 06/02/2019 13:45

Give her your name

Much easier to change it to his if you get married and choose to take his name then to change it to yours if you split up and he refuses

futuredayspast · 06/02/2019 13:45

Why not give her your name for now, then if you get married later and want to change your name to his you could change hers at the same time?

I've known several women who bitterly regretted giving their children the name of a man who didn't see his long term future with them.

tammytoby · 06/02/2019 13:50

I would prefer to get married before having a baby with someone. I would certainly not give our kids his name if he's unwilling to commit and marry!

tammytoby · 06/02/2019 13:51

If a man could not be bothered to marry me, no way would he be getting to give his surname to our children (mind you, I would not have kids without the legal protection that marriage brings).

This sums up my view too.

Loopytiles · 06/02/2019 13:52

Usual MNetters advice is to use your name.

Don’t stop working FT unless you have significant financial assets! Too much of a personal financial risk.

Flip

1 2 3 4