Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Would this be insensitive?

98 replies

xXAnonXx · 29/03/2018 15:24

Hi,

Bit of a strange situation but I was just wanting a few thoughts from people. We are expecting our first baby and have recently been thinking about names - we like very different styles but have finally settled on 1 name that we both agree on! Since then we found out that my sister-in-law had a child about 9 years ago who she gave up for adoption and it just so happens her child has the same name as the one we have picked. We found out this information by chance and it has never officially been told us by my brother-in-law or sister-in-law therefore we can't ask them about it as it would be totally inappropriate and cause a lot of problems.

Do you think it would be insensitive if we stuck with the name we have chosen after finding out this information? I'm really in two minds about it and not sure what to do

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
RebeccaWrongDaily · 29/03/2018 15:25

yes, yes it would.

WishUponAStar88 · 29/03/2018 15:27

Nobody owns a name etc but I wouldn’t in this situation.

linz0308 · 29/03/2018 15:28

Sorry but yes it would be incredibly insensitive and you should choose another name

MrsJayy · 29/03/2018 15:32

Yes it is insensitive I am sure you can find another name you like.

FilledSoda · 29/03/2018 15:32

Yes, it would be awful.

stitchglitched · 29/03/2018 15:33

Yes it would be very insensitive.

HuskyMcClusky · 29/03/2018 15:34

Yes, horribly! Shock

Aprilmightmemynewname · 29/03/2018 15:35

Back to the drawing board op.

Luckingfovely · 29/03/2018 15:38

It's really tough for you, and I do sympathise, but you can't use that name. Sorry.

Addictedtohavingbabies · 29/03/2018 15:43

Don't use the name. There's lots of other names and this one isn't going to go down well.

Original poster
xXAnonXx · 29/03/2018 15:48

Thanks for your thoughts, obviously I would never want to cause upset to anyone but my other half thinks we should still go for the name. He thinks that she never trusted us with this information (not that I would expect her to tell anyone, it was something in her past before she was married to my brother-in-law) and if we hadn't overheard a snippet of a conversation a couple of days ago we would still be none the wiser and would have used this name. He thinks that with any name we pick, we could potentially cause upset to someone without realising and he doesn't want to regret the name we choose as this is a very longed for baby and it has been very difficult to agree in the first place on a name.

It just not an easy situation and I feel like whatever decision I make, I'll be upsetting someone either my sister-in-law or my partner

OP posts:
OakIsBetterTho · 29/03/2018 15:55

You cannot use that name!! I know you love it but that would be hideously insensitive. There are millions of names out there, imo you'll just have to pick another. Sorry!

strawberrypenguin · 29/03/2018 15:56

Now you know, no you can't use it. Completely different if you hadn't found out but not relevant any more.

ExpectingToFly · 29/03/2018 15:59

Jesus Christ you cannot use the name! Don't even go there

upsideup · 29/03/2018 15:59

I think you can still use it, you werent aware of that infomation when you decided to call your child that and you wouldnt have doubts if you hadnt accidently found out through someone else.
Your partners right any name could have the potential to offend someone.

Cockmagic · 29/03/2018 16:00

Please don't it's a really shitty thing to do now you do know.

There's loads of other names anyway.

SnowiestMountain · 29/03/2018 16:00

Honestly, I really really think you shouldn't use it. It is quite an easy situation, you just can't use it!

milleniumhandandprawn · 29/03/2018 16:01

Absolutely you cannot use the name.
If you’d not overheard the conversation you would have still upset your poor SIL albeit unknowingly which would have been bad but no-one’s fault.
If you go ahead and use the name now you’ll be doing it fully aware.

Which is heinous.

crisscrosscranky · 29/03/2018 16:03

Personally I can't believe you have even needed to ask this question.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 16:05

If you didn't know that would be different but you do. I don't know how he can think for one minute that would be an ok thing to do. Does he hate her?

LavenderDoll · 29/03/2018 16:06

No in no way can you use that name.
Your partner is being incredibly insensitive- she doesn't have to trust you with any personal information.

RavenWings · 29/03/2018 16:07

As above, if you didn't know that would be one thing, but you do. I don't see why you'd want to use a name that could cause pain to family. Your other half is just grasping at straws to justify using it.

EasterRobin · 29/03/2018 16:09

Yes, it's too insensitive. Sorry OP.

Quietlife1979 · 29/03/2018 16:09

I think you’ve both become baby insane and this is a regrettable madness OR your boyfriend is actually quite a horrible brother to his sister. Clearly there is no love lost there !

How old are you both by the way ?

everythingatonce · 29/03/2018 16:14

No you can't use it. It'd be extremely insensitive and I think she'd be terribly upset.

Swipe left for the next trending thread