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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

DP won't agree to anything but his surname.

97 replies

JaydeM · 13/12/2016 12:07

What do I do? My mum is telling me to just register our daughter on my own, but she says she would do that with just her surname (she is a bit extreme with things) but do I do that then? However, I would double-barrel, but do you think that will really ruin the relationship?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TheBruteSquad · 13/12/2016 12:11

Are you and your DP married? If not, and you want him named as the father on the birth certificate he will need to be there when you register the birth.

fuzzywuzzy · 13/12/2016 12:11

How is your relationship in general?

If I wasn't married/getting married soon I wouldn't give my child my partners surname it's a massive pain in the arse when you split. A good friend gave her ds her (now ex) DP's surname and he pretty much holds her hostage to his whims when she asks permission to take ds on holiday.

Also why does he object of double barrelling?

fakenamefornow · 13/12/2016 12:13

Well if you double barrel, the baby is getting his last name so wtf is the problem.

What he is really saying is that he doesn't want the child to have YOUR last name, again, wtf, what an insult. I would not move an inch on this if I were you op.

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:13

I'm with your mum.

FilledSoda · 13/12/2016 12:14

It really isn't up to him

stitchglitched · 13/12/2016 12:14

He has a choice. Double barrelled or your surname only. Does he realise he actually has no standing legally when it comes to registering and naming the baby? You'd be mad to give the baby a different surname to yourself.

SheldonsSpot · 13/12/2016 12:15

He "won't agree" to anything but his surname?

Tough shit.

You're not married so he doesn't actually get a say, if that's the way you choose to play it.

do you think that will really ruin the relationship?
As you seem to be involved with a domineering twat, I can't imagine there's much good in your relationship to ruin.

quirkychicken · 13/12/2016 12:15

if he's putting his foot down then that's all the more reason to push back, it's not his choice to make alone and it's a very old-fashioned way of thinking!

Original poster

JaydeM · 13/12/2016 12:17

We are not getting married soon because of this issue, he wants me to have his last name. I told him I don't want to do that, so we decided against getting married as he wanted it no other way.

So if I register her, he won't be the dad on the birth certificate?

OP posts:

sonlypuppyfat · 13/12/2016 12:17

If he's not marrying you he looses his choice, he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it

SorenaJ · 13/12/2016 12:18

He doesn't really get a say in that

strongswans · 13/12/2016 12:20

If you aren't married I would double barrel or just your surname. He is being selfish if he wants his surname so badly he should understand why it's important to you too. I agree with your mum. My Ds has my surname now and it is much easier.

fakenamefornow · 13/12/2016 12:21

Yes, I agree with your mum. Assuming you're not married, I'd tell him you are going to register the baby, if he'd like to come along, you will agree to the baby being double barrelled, if not the baby will just have your last name.

As an aside, if this is what he's like I don't see much future for the relationship, even more reason NOT to give your child his name.

IrregularCommentary · 13/12/2016 12:21

If you're not married you can't put him on the birth certificate without him being there. No way around that.

You could put his surname, though I wouldn't. Double barrelled seems totally fair tbh.

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:21

He can apply to be added later but he won't be able to change the baby's name as part of that application.

merrychristmasyafilthyanimal · 13/12/2016 12:21

When my DS was born my then DP understood that any child of mine would have my name as I would be the one giving birth etc.

Shortly after we got married and I decided to change my name, it couldn't have been easier to change DS's surname to the 'family' name.

Your DP sounds like he wants all the tradition of being a married father without bothering to get married.

Original poster

JaydeM · 13/12/2016 12:24

He says his mates will take the piss, which is ridiculous, but they have all been saying 'baby (DP's surname)'. He actually is quite nice! He can't wait to be a dad, but it's just this surname issue

OP posts:

KatherinaMinola · 13/12/2016 12:24

I'm with your mum. And fake:

Assuming you're not married, I'd tell him you are going to register the baby, if he'd like to come along, you will agree to the baby being double barrelled, if not the baby will just have your last name.

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:25

He needs to grow up.

He can't expect to make an adult relationship work on the "it's my way or the high way" principle.

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:26

And maybe he needs new "mates" if they're all that childish.

Lanaorana1 · 13/12/2016 12:28

Absolutely not. The only man I know who insisted on this bolted shortly afterwards. Twice - two different women.

Didn't pay much maintenance,either.

myoriginal3 · 13/12/2016 12:29

Your child Will technically be solely yours without marriage.
He wants you both to be solely his.

FilledSoda · 13/12/2016 12:36

he's worried what his mates think ?
why?

KatharinaRosalie · 13/12/2016 12:39

His mates? Tell him to grow up.

And he has not realised it's not his decision? That you can just go, register the baby with your name and that's it?

fakenamefornow · 13/12/2016 12:39

He says his mates will take the piss,

How old is he fucking 12?

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