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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

DP won't agree to anything but his surname.

97 replies

JaydeM · 13/12/2016 12:07

What do I do? My mum is telling me to just register our daughter on my own, but she says she would do that with just her surname (she is a bit extreme with things) but do I do that then? However, I would double-barrel, but do you think that will really ruin the relationship?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MadameDePomPom · 13/12/2016 12:40

He seems to care more about what his pals will think than your opinion than your opinion on the matter. Which is worrying.

The baby can have your surname alone or both surnames. Tell him to pick an option from those two.

MadameDePomPom · 13/12/2016 12:42

I would double-barrel, but do you think that will really ruin the relationship?

Only if it's a very fragile relationship. And if it does ruin the relationship would you really want to be with someone like that?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/12/2016 12:48

His mates will laugh at him? Is he 12?

Your DP does know it's 2016 doesn't he? You and and children you have aren't his chattel.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/12/2016 12:49

Cross posts with fakenamefornow

Nicknameofawesome · 13/12/2016 12:50

It is the womans choice if you are unmarried. He can only be on the birth certificate if he comes with you. You can just register the baby and use whatever name you want.

If you used his name then you split you CANNOT legally change the babys name without his permission. You would have to wait until the child is at least 16 (or possible even 18, I can't remember) and can do it themselves.

I have to say that this concerns me;

We are not getting married soon because of this issue, he wants me to have his last name. I told him I don't want to do that, so we decided against getting married as he wanted it no other way.

So he won't give you and your child the legal protection marriage offers because he can't cope with the fact that you want to keep your maiden name?

If you both want to keep your own names I can't see how double barrelling is not acceptable to him? You aren't asking him to change his name are you?

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:50

Are you actually both youngish?

EvenTheWind · 13/12/2016 12:52

What a wally he sounds.

happymumof4crazykids · 13/12/2016 12:52

Why don't you want his surname?
Why don't you want baby to have his name?
If you have valid reasons such as you don't think the relationship will last why are you even having a baby with him?

EmzDisco · 13/12/2016 12:52

Why does he think his mates are more important that you? And why does he think he is more important that you?

If this ruins your relationship then I'd say it's not a relationship worth having.

Oldraver · 13/12/2016 12:52

He's more bothered about his mates silly opinions than what you want ?

That would be straight to binning him off for that

EvenTheWind · 13/12/2016 12:54

Happy

It's valid to keep your own surname!

Why doesn't he want her surname?

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:54

Why don't you want his surname?
Why don't you want baby to have his name?
If you have valid reasons such as you don't think the relationship will last why are you even having a baby with him?

WTF? She doesn't need a reason to keep her own name!

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 13/12/2016 12:55

If you're not married he has no say. Give your surname.

hoddtastic · 13/12/2016 12:55

register the baby as yours and don't give him PR. If he's being a twat now then you don't want to spend the next 16-18 years having to ask his permission to take your own kids on holiday etc.

fakenamefornow · 13/12/2016 12:57

What do you mean 'valid reasons' , what are his 'valid reasons' for wanting to stamp his name all over the op and their child and stamp her name out? Oh, apart from being a thick twat worried about what his mates will think.

Manumission · 13/12/2016 12:58

hod is right. You're looking at half a lifetime of trying to coparent with someone who makes serious parenting decisions on the basis of whether his "mates will take the piss". Nightmare.

Arfarfanarf · 13/12/2016 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/12/2016 13:03

Why don't you want his surname?
Why don't you want baby to have his name?
If you have valid reasons ..

Why SHOULD she change her name? Why should she give baby his name? There is no need to justify not changing your name or not giving your own name to a baby you have given birth to.

EvenTheWind · 13/12/2016 13:05

I never follow the "why are you having a baby with him" trope to an OP who is already pregnant!

BobbieDog · 13/12/2016 13:05

No way on earth would any child of mine have a different surname to me

fakenamefornow · 13/12/2016 13:05

Actually I applaud you op. It's refreshing to hear a women on her saying this, instead of rubbish trotted out about how they thought very hard but decided that as all women have shit last names and all men have great last names we chose DH's name, all my own free choice!

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/12/2016 13:05

He's being a total arse. Why is so important that you couldn't even meet in the middle and double-barrel?! Obviously it means a lot to you, so do not give in and just give your baby his name. You are equal parents and double-barrelling seems the best way of honouring that!

Jackiebrambles · 13/12/2016 13:06

Good god. I changed my name when I got married, but if I was you there is no way my baby would be getting this guy's name.

As a PP said - what a wally!

And worrying about his mates taking the piss, that is beyond pathetic. I'm not sure he's ready for fatherhood whatsoever!

PoldarksBreeches · 13/12/2016 13:08

Shit man you've accidentally procreated with a massive sexist twat who thinks he has the right to ultimate decision making over you and your child
Now you know, what are you going to do about it?

HermioneWeasley · 13/12/2016 13:11

I wouldn't even double barrel, I'd give the baby my name.

He's more worried about what his mates might think, than what matters to you? He can fuck right off.

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