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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

DP won't agree to anything but his surname.

97 replies

JaydeM · 13/12/2016 12:07

What do I do? My mum is telling me to just register our daughter on my own, but she says she would do that with just her surname (she is a bit extreme with things) but do I do that then? However, I would double-barrel, but do you think that will really ruin the relationship?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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holliewilliams · 13/12/2016 13:20

Why is he being selfish to want the child to have his name? It is half his after all. He has just as much right. Why is the OP not considered selfish for pushing her beliefs on him?

MadameDePomPom · 13/12/2016 13:21

The OP is willing for him to have his surname. Just as along as the child has also has her name. Seems perfectly fair to me.

And to anyone with half a brain cell.

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 13/12/2016 13:21

So why is op selfish to want baby to have her name? It's half hers after all. She's offered double barrelled. It was the compromise I was willing to agree and I was married! No way I was going to have a different name to my child.

CeciCC · 13/12/2016 13:23

To happymumof4.. Why does she have to change her surname? Are we still in the middle ages and women are "chattels"?
I think the dad is far more selfish that OP... is either "his" or nothing.
I would just register baby girl with my surname....married or not.

Jackiebrambles · 13/12/2016 13:25

It also sounds like a massive excuse for not wanting to get married to the OP, to be honest. Luckily it's up to the OP!

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 13/12/2016 13:26

Happy mum of four I adore my husband. We've been together 7 years and are married and I know neither of us is going anywhere. Still won't take his name though. Taking someone's name does not mean the relationship will last.

WellErrr · 13/12/2016 13:29

He sounds a right twat.

He's worried that his mates will think he hasn't asserted his authority over you. How laughable for a woman to imagine she has equal rights!

Beebeeeight · 13/12/2016 13:30

You can change it to his later or he can apply for prr later.

This plan gives flexibility for the future.

If you register with him than can NEVER be changed (without a forced adoption order).

DrinkingCocktailsInTheSunshine · 13/12/2016 13:33

I would give the child just my surname and say when/if married it can be changed to be double barrelled.

1horatio · 13/12/2016 13:37

You aren't married.... so, double barrel or just your name.

Sure, if you were to get married and have a 'family name' (whatever that name would be....) then yes, the kiddo would obviously get the family name. But you don't.

If you were to break up you'd be stuck with a child that doesn't have the same name you do.

1horatio · 13/12/2016 13:38

I think you should do what Beeebee says.

megletthesecond · 13/12/2016 13:43

Give the baby your name and accept he'll be a shit about it and you'll probably end up breaking up. If he's a brat about this I wouldn't hold out for change.

I had to give the dc's XP's name (wouldn't let me double barrell) and obviously he was such a shit we still broke up but I can never change their name.

matthews12 · 13/12/2016 13:45

hollie, she has agreed to double barrel it? also, he does not have as much 'right' she has all rights over the name, legally.

glitterandtinsel · 13/12/2016 13:53

My dh wanted to keep his surname and I wanted to keep mine. He got his way and the dcs have his surname. But I'm not really sure what the problem is with that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/12/2016 13:53

What everyone else (sensible) has said.

You're not married so it's up to you. Doesn't sound like there's any compromise with him and really, what future do the two of you have if him winning is more important than what makes you - the woman he's chosen as the mother of his child - happy.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/12/2016 13:54

My dh wanted to keep his surname and I wanted to keep mine. He got his way and the dcs have his surname. But I'm not really sure what the problem is with that?

Clearly the issue is that the OP isn't happy with that and wants her child to have her name

glitterandtinsel · 13/12/2016 13:55

We were married before dcs, but we wanted matching surnames. I guess it's old fashioned.

EvenTheWind · 13/12/2016 13:58

It's a perfectly reasonable way to proceed but it's not what the op has chosen, glitter

hoddtastic · 13/12/2016 13:59

yep, you're right, it's old fashioned.

I wouldn't be giving parental responsibility either. No chance.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 13/12/2016 13:59

We were married before dcs, but we wanted matching surnames. I guess it's old fashioned.
I don't know what your point is. Clearly the OP doesn't want to have her DP's surname, as she says, nor does she want her children to have just his surname, as she says, so why is the fact you wanted matching surnames relevant? That's great, good for you, and I'll likely take my DP's name too, but it's not relevant to anything here.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/12/2016 14:03

He has just as much right - not accoriding to law he doesn't. They are not married, she can go and register any name she wants. He can't.

Toffeelatteplease · 13/12/2016 14:05

I wouldn't take anyone's name again and I would NEVER give a child just the father's name.

Nothing more sad that seeing a kid left with a name of someone they have nothing to do with them. I had no idea that would happen when my kids were born.

I'd double barrel but agree day to day to just use his name. If he refuses I would absolutely register with just my own

matthews12 · 13/12/2016 14:07

why should she use his name day to day??

TwoGunslingers · 13/12/2016 14:07

If you don't register him on the birth certificate he can just apply for PResponsibility, which he would be granted, that's what would ruin a relationship, forcing the father of your child to take legal action to be recognised as the father. As for the surname the decision will ultimately lie with Mum to register what she wants, but I don't see why she has anymore right than him to insist on a particular surname. Would you consider a double barrel with his surname appearing last? Is there a particular reason you want baby to have your name over his? My son (adopted) has a horrendous surname from his father, so probably would have been better to go the other way on that one

Mybugslife · 13/12/2016 14:07

I had this with my dd. We weren't married and I wanted dd to have my surname but obviously exP wanted her to have his surname. It was a huge argument but I didn't back down. Once she was born it didn't seem such a massive issue but we double barrelled anyway, but I purposely put my surname first so unless it's an official document i drop his surname.

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