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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

DP won't let me pick our daughter's name!

137 replies

JassyS · 28/10/2016 17:48

Our daughter is due soon. DP wants her to have his surname, so I said that's fine, as long as I get to pick the first name. He says no, so I said, we double-barrel her surname, then we both get to pick a first name that we both like (but not love - there isn't a name we both love). Or she has my surname and he can pick.

He still thinks I'm being unreasonable!

OP posts:

Report

hollyisalovelyname · 28/10/2016 18:12

OP
Start as you mean to go on.
Do not let this man dictate to you.
I would certainly choose the first name and then use a double barrelled name. Your surname and his surname
You have carried this baby.
You will call baby what you like.
He seems VERY controlling.

GummyBunting · 28/10/2016 18:18

Please don't give your baby your partner's name. I hated growing up with a different name to my mum.

Chinlo · 28/10/2016 18:21

Chinlo, ideally that's what I want

Well I mean, that's the obvious, reasonable course. Absolute compromise from both sides. Nobody gets more of a say than the other.

If he can't understand that then he's just a dick. Maybe you should show him this thread.

Wolfiefan · 28/10/2016 18:27

Worrying that this is such a massive issue. As a parent you will have bedtime and routines and food choices and behaviour boundaries and friendship or sharing issues and ......
If you can't even be on the same page about a name then how's that all going to go?

MrsHiddleston · 28/10/2016 18:30

You are not married and he has no say. He cannot register the birth without you being present, whereas you can register it without him. Give the baby whatever name and surname you want, if he's not willing to meet you half way.

AyeAmarok · 28/10/2016 18:30

Definitely make sure your surname is included, double barrelled, or yours. Not his.

His attitude to that is reason alone to make sure your surname is at least part of her surname.

peppatax · 28/10/2016 18:36

I thought you had a point until I saw that you wanted to name the baby after your mum. EXH had very strong opinions about babies named after relatives and I'm inclined to say he had a point. I'm expecting a baby with new DP and if he named the baby after his mother on account of it having my surname I'd have reopened discussions too!

MummaGiles · 28/10/2016 18:37

I wouldn't use your daughter's name as a pawn in a power struggle. Please compromise. Neither of you should be burdened with a child with a name you dislike. This isn't analogous to the situation where the mum is on her own and dad has left so he has waived his right to have any say in the name - if your DP is going to be a dad to your DD any as much as you are going to be a mum then this is a team decision.

AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 18:39

You need to find a compromise that works for you both not a tit for tat solution.

You are about to be parents you have years of decisions an compromises to make ahead of you.

JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:39

Peppa, my mum died when I was 10.

She has never been a part of his life and was in my life for such a short amount of time. I can't help that I just love her name. It is definitely my favourite girls name.

OP posts:

AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 18:40

And running off and registering your baby in your own is linkely to be pretty unforgivable and relationship altering.

I can't believe people are suggesting it.

JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:41

All the ones telling me to compromise, how am I not compromising? it isn't me, it's him!

OP posts:

AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 18:47

I didn't say you have to compromise, you have to work together to find a compromise.

Keep talking!

DoinItFine · 28/10/2016 18:47

I imagine she is cooking the baby on her own.

As all women have done since Eve.

And as such, she has the absolute legal and moral right to name the baby she is having based entirely on her preferences and not those of the bossy wanker whose ejaculate was present at conception.

Weird that it is "relationship changing" for a woman to name her baby what she wants but totally fine for a man to try to force her to give the baby the name he wants.

This relationship needs to change based on the current wankerness of the man involved.

peppatax · 28/10/2016 18:51

JassyS that's nice you want to honour your mum in that way but perhaps it's a burden your DP doesn't want to carry? Neither he nor your daughter have that emotional connection with your mum and it maybe he's concerned that it's not just about it being a nice name.

JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:53

Well I was never that close to my mum and as he's been my partner for the last 16 years, maybe he should have paid more attention, if he thinks that there's more to it than it being a nice name, or you know? Said something. However, I don't believe that's the case. I also don't know why you're trying to assume it is either. Odd.

OP posts:

JassyS · 28/10/2016 18:53

Peppa, I don't want to honour my mum? never said that.

OP posts:

Lewwat · 28/10/2016 18:54

Pretty sure I said cooked up, as in made.
Not cooking.

There's a lot of contempt for men/fathers on this post.

I thought everyone was all for equality these days

coocoocachew · 28/10/2016 18:57

Some of the advice on this post is appalling! Telling her to leave him off the BC? Yeah, that's going to end well I wonder how many of the people giving advice on the op's relationship actually have functioning relationships themselves....

stitchglitched · 28/10/2016 18:58

OP has given him the option to double barrel so that both of their names are fairly reflected and he doesn't want that. In those circumstances where the OP has tried to compromise it is perfectly reasonable to remind her of her legal right to name her baby whatever she likes.

Jassy make sure the baby has your surname regardless of what happens with the first name, whether that be yours alone or as part of a double barrelled name.

Lewwat · 28/10/2016 18:58

I'd say not many coocoo if they practice what they preach!

DoinItFine · 28/10/2016 18:58

No contempt for good fathers.

Plenty for men who try to bully pregnant women into not giving their baby their own name.

In an equal world, it would not occur to a man that he had a unilateral right to give a baby hus surname and write its mother entireky out of its named identity.

And it is her body that is making this baby.

He just had an orgasm a few months ago.

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neonrainbow · 28/10/2016 18:59

You can't just name the baby what you want. Unbelievable that some people are suggesting the dp is controlling yet you're suggesting the op unilaterally registers the baby and calls her whatever she wants! How is that not controlling!

DoinItFine · 28/10/2016 18:59

Perhaps we have functioning relationships with men who are not shit?

DoinItFine · 28/10/2016 19:01

Standing up for your right to name yiur own baby against a bully is not being controlling .

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