Friend planning to use the same name

[BlackberryandNettle]

Ds is due in 6 weeks time - we are keeping the gender secret until the birth. We have decided on a name, it's been decided upon but are obvs keeping that secret until after the birth too. A friend is 12 weeks pregnant so due months after us but has found out she is expecting a boy - we saw her yesterday and she has said that she will be calling him (unknowingly) the same name we've chosen! We kept schtum as do not want to give away name or gender but I'm nowconcerned that when we do announce she will feel we've copied her!

What would you do? Should we think again? I feel this is a little unfair as we're due first. Not really bothered if they use the same name but may cause some confusion.

Meant to say name has been decided upon for months :-(

names do not exclusively belong to other people, I would use it with a brief expalnation to your friend that you had already chosen that name.

Still use it. Tough. If she's bothered about people copying her (whether they are or not) she should keep her name quiet.
Just an aside, what's the name and how does she know the gender at 12 weeks?

Glad people are saying still use it... Don't want to out myself by saying the name but it's fairly popular (not top 10) at the moment so not so surprising other people like it, although so far we know none. She knows the gender from one of the new non-invasive prenatal blood tests (harmony/panorama),in fact we had one too so also knew around 12 wks although have kept it to ourselves!

I think Vikibee I will have to say something to her once the baby arrives, do feel a bit awkward about the fact we know she wants to use the name but it is just an unfortunate coincidence...

There have been so many posts on here from people in your friend's position.... They told their friend their name and are then deeply confused and upset when the person uses it themselves. I agree that you are fine to use it, but I would have a really open conversation with her before the baby is born. She doesn't need to know the gender, either...you could just say that you have a boy's name and a girl's name. That would hopefully save her from being so upset or bamboozled when you came to tell everyone the name?

i'd still use it

Use it, it's relatively popular so not like there won't be any others. She may well change her mind anyway.

My grandparents were put off using a name they had chosen for my mum because someone else they knew used it first. Fifty years later they no longer knew were in contact with the other couple, but the name thing still rankled, and they regretted their decision. Your child's name is for the rest of his life, use it and don't worry about a friend who you may not still be in contact with in ten years, let alone fifty.

Btw, the name my grandparents regretted not using was "Rosalind", so maybe my DM had a lucky escape, but hopefully you get the point.

I was pregnant at the same time as my friend, in fact I think I was only a week or so behind.

DH and I had had our girl name picked since before ttc. My friend didn't know the name but she had her 20 week scan the week before me and announced her name, which was the same as ours. We still used it! It's a very common name - there's more than one in every school and I know one in every age group from 0-90 (think new Royal baby ).

If the name had been Fifi-Tallulahbelle-Passionflower or more unusual then I might have thought twice.

Our DDs now both go by different Nick names.

And no I didn't name my child after the Princess! She's 4.

My friend was due a month after me and when discussing names we found we'd picked the same girls name. Neither of us knew the sex and I used it when DD arrived. She then had a boy so didn't matter but we were both fine about having the same name

It's very organised and decisive knowing the name at 12 weeks. I'll probably be one of those randomly picking a name on the registration deadline day.

Anyway, she may well change her mind in the intervening 28 weeks so I'd just go ahead and use the name.

My friend and her best friend both had boys within a few weeks of each other and had both decided upon Matthew as a name. They discussed it and both used it. They were reasonable people and it's never been an issue. The boys are now 17, they've never gone to the same school and are family friends rather than friends themselves.

It did cause a little bit of comment initially, but nothing unpleasant, just some surprise.

You must use it but discuss with your friend before your baby arrives. Just tell her that you have also chosen said name if your baby is a boy. I was in a similar position in that a friend wanted to use my dd's name - I was honestly flattered and not at all annoyed! If it is a fairly common name, it is no surprise at all that friends with similar taste will choose the same name. Plus boys are harder as it feels there are less names to choose!

I agree you should use the name but talk to her first, if you wait until the baby arrives she will undoubtably think you 'stole' the name from her, even though that is not the case. If you tell her now, it won't have the same negative effect

Hopefully you can have a bit of a giggle about it with her, you both have similar taste in names!

If I was the friend, I'd want to know. She might even change her name if she knows you were planning to use it, depends how set on it she is. If she finds out you are definitely using the name, she may not want to call her child the same name after all

I had this problem when I was pregnant - the friend was way behind me but had picked the same name as me. I was going to use it regardless. I didn't end up using it, but that was because I had a last minute epiphany.

If you love it, you must use it. I reckon it's worth a text to her when the baby is born, but that's it. He will be your [insert name here] and when the time comes, that is all that will matter to you.

depends, if u liked the name first or she did who is due first doesnt matter

I know that no-one "owns" names, but I do think it is very bad form to name your child the same as a friend has done. There are literally hundreds of names!

I can totally understand why people keep names under wraps until the birth, but then you run the risk of situations like this happening.

Personally, if it was a close friend, I would choose a different name, or be prepared to lose a friend.

I'd discuss it with her out of courtesy. An FYI that gives her the chance to change, rather than surprising her, catching her out and potentially upsetting her.

I would have said at the time 'oh gosh, we're considering that name too! It's one of our favourites! Won't it be funny if we end up with dcs with the same name'. I think if you don't say anything it could look like you copied her.

Yes I'd say something, along the lines of -

'Hey X, we've been wondering since you announced your baby names whether to tell you but we think we should let you know - if we have a boy, we've been decided for a long time that his name will also be X! I hope that doesn't spoil it for you, we won't be at all bothered by our babies both having the same name, and maybe we'll have a girl anyway, but we thought you should know that we've been decided for ages on X rather than just announce it at the birth (if it's a boy). All the best x'

I don't know why you just didn't say, nice choice, its also our choice.
All of this: oh we know the sex and the name but we're keeping it secret until after...why bother? Only the parents really care anyway!

If you are going to use it them definately tell your friend. Otherwise she will think you have copied her idea.

Only the parents really care anyway!

How true! Noone is every really that fussed about your kid!

I would personally say something to her, as opposed to just announcing the baby is called "John" after he is born.

Does she know you know the gender?